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I piss myself off sometimes, especially in my dreams. Nikki asked me if I loved Vasiliy and I answered honestly. I told her that I did. That prompted an argument and for a second I made myself proud. I brought up the fact that she stole my laptop and left me for dead which of course enraged her and prompted her to tell me that there's something wrong with me. Then I told her that I'd always been in love with her and it has never made me happy.

Then we had sex.

Boom. Every bit of progress I made out the window. I frustrate myself beyond words.

I need a drink.

Looks like things might be getting a bit better for the group I'm with in my dreams. Found a prison to hole up in. There's plenty of Walkers, but I think we can all take them out pretty easily. It's a good thing we found a place, people are tired of running and one of them is pregnant so hopefully we can set some roots down even if it's just for a little while.

I'm very much looking forward to Ides this year. Few still recognize it as a holiday or if they do, they choose not to observe. It's disheartening to see traditions being lost. It happens more with every generation. St Patrick's Day has been reduced to a day to wear green or risk being pinched by total strangers and I can't think of how we observe the holidays in December without becoming sad.

Thoughts such as this make me feel older than my years.

Luckily I will be spending time with a younger man who brings back my own youthful exuberance.

I am blessed.

Have you ever done something for the good of someone else only to wish you were more selfish? Because that's my personal anthem right now. #truestorybro

I woke up the other day with a whole head of hair! I've never had this much hair before in my life, but in my dreams I do. It's pretty great, and I sure am glad that my topknot came through here. Even if it does take about six times longer to brush and wash and Raistlin would have been totally right about it clogging the shower drain if I hadn't went to get one of those nifty hair-catching things you put in the drain!


Anyway, the dreams are lucky they've given me this hair, because otherwise I would have been very annoyed at my dream last night. Everyone was having a delegates meeting with all the refuges we rescued from the Dragonarmies, and then Caramon tied me to a chair so he could go find Raistlin. My entire dream was being tied to a chair! And while that was interesting for all of five minutes, it sure got boring after a while.

I've been watching all things related to Alice in Wonderland in preparation for auditions next week. I want to be able to slip into any role they have me dance for. Tim Burton has an interesting take on the story, but my favorite is the animated Disney film.

1. crazy brick wall turning into a door. whaat?
2. wand finally
3. yeah, i have it
4. no, i can't do anything with it because i don't know any spells
5. wtf dreams?
6. that old dude was kind of weird. i mean, i guess he was okay because he helped me find a wand, but he's just real odd.
7. i can feel your jealousy radiating all the way from here, amycus
8. idk. i needed an even number. be jealous, amycus. jealooooouuuusssssss.

And my dreams rear their dramatic head once again. A friend of mine was beat up as he was leaving a club so the community got together to try and decide what we should do to try and make Liberty Ave safer for us. One guy said we had to take matters into our own hands and after my friend refused to pick his attackers out of a lineup, I started getting upset about my own bashing and how I didn't do anything to my attacker so I ended up joining this other guy and his group, which he'd called The Pink Posse. The idea behind the whole thing was all well and good except he went out of his way to look for trouble. We went to a straight club and after someone made a comment after Cody kissed me, Cody beat the crap out of the guy. Then he insisted we needed guns and brought me to confront my attacker and tried to encourage me to kill him.

Luckily, my dream counterpart is smart sometimes and was done with Cody and the Posse after that.

He also had us all shave our heads in solidarity and for a moment, when I woke up this morning, I was afraid that had bled over. Luckily, I still have all my hair. I know it sounds superficial and like I told Brian in the dreams, it'd grow back, but I really don't like the way I look without hair.

Ah, the mighty and glorious Circle of Magi of Ferelden, housed in a tower shaped like a phallus. It was every bit as insufferable as I could imagine. Though the demon's taste in decoration was more than revolting. And glad to see we gained a preachy school marm in the group. I will simply stay in my tent far away from her.

Though at least I received another gift from my dreams. T'would seem I now have seeds from several plants native to Thedas.


[Killian]

You will be pleased to hear I have that poison ready. Needless to say, it is extremely potent. The antidote, however, is proving more difficult to create, but I shall not be outdone.