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I need a god damned drink.

And a better offering of Television, not much on in the way of anything I give a shit about.

Guess I'm heading out to the bars.

We're all going insane over at the Home For Social Fuckups, I swear.

Today was actually kind of funny since nobody really died and I was across the room stamping designs into leather at the time. Apparently we ran out of purple...friendship bracelet thread crap and people were getting pissed. Enough that there was actually a fight.

Best entertainment I've seen since I got here that wasn't in my dreams, I'll give you that much.

I'm saying that because nobody got hurt, really, and all that really happened was that fencing guy who decorated all the things including the bathrooms earlier this month, was around and broke it up. And told the rest of us we were really wrong to laugh because nobody's here to entertain anybody else.

Which, fine, but you've gotta find the humor in all of this shit somewhere, right? Maybe sticking around here isn't all that bad an idea after all. I mean as long as I can do it on my terms after my birthday and not HIS. I mean, I don't want to miss it if things get BETTER.

Do people actually shop the after Christmas sales? Don't you get enough of shopping before Christmas? Then again I guess they take advantage of the fact people get money/gift cards for Christmas and the need to spend them.

New Years, well that's one holiday I don't mind. Parties without the obligation of a gift can be fun.

I scheduled my driving test for next week! It is finally time to swap my bus pass for a drivers license. I don't usually mind taking the bus but you meet some odd, creepy, and perverted people. It's actually safer to drive myself every where despite my mum's concern I'll get in an accident.

I will study today.

I will. I swear it.

Studying is happening.

Right now. As we speak.

This is me. Studying.

Last night, a variation of two of the dreams I've had, that first one, and the most recent one, kinda melded all together in my head and gave me, maybe not more details but more context. More disturbing context.

Batman guy? If you're still around the way you were this summer? I really don't have any intentions of 'becoming the villian' and shooting you, at random people, or putting them in hostage situations. I don't know what kind of level of fucked up I am in those dreams but they're just dreams, right?

I mean...I can't think of any good reason something like would happen in my sane and rational real life as real as the dreams seem. People just aren't like that, right? Nobody becomes the villain as easily as I said. I mean it's screwed up and there have to be complexities I'm missing but they're not the complexities of here, I'm pretty sure.

It...that's not justice. I couldn't DO that. I don't hate myself because it hasn't happened yet, but I sort of despise dream me for having what looked like everything and succumbing I guess? I'm so confused by what I've gotten so far. I also woke up around four after the second time around with that second dream, where my face was half destroyed and I was insane so I'm tired and really not thinking clearly. I tend to avoid the heavy stuff here for the most part, but...really. I don't get this at all, and seeing what I might become on top of that is kind of baffling and worrying.

How do you people avoid becoming what you see there, if that happens?

Can't wait for the holiday season to be over. Tired of family pretending to be nice to one another, more tired of playing trivial carols on the piano for out-of-key sing-alongs. Once the new year hits, I'll drink this year into the past and somehow gather the will to subject myself to the coming semester.

I'd much rather be working on my own compositions than "perfecting" my performance technique. Never needed to perfect it before. Every time my fingers hit the keys, I feel my soul draining. Piano sounds out of tune but it's not, house is starting to smell like a cigarette factory.

Will someone save my life by falling in love with me?

Ugh, modeling. I do it to pass the time, but it is ... not something I would ever choose for a profession. I think it's best suited to dogs - stand here, look that way, no, not that way! Hold your head just so, blah blah blah. Tedium.

Christmas went really well. Everyone loved their gifts (as far as I can tell) and we've been doing nothing but enjoying our time together. Harry is coming over for New Years and probably taking the kids somewhere.

Thus I will be by myself for the countdown. I shouldn't be so excited, but I am a bit, to have the house to myself for one evening. I don't even know what to do with myself.

Mm. Everyone ought to celebrate the holidays on Catalina Island. Well, not everyone, because then there wouldn't be room for me. But turkey and all the trimmings, plus this view? I'd say that's a happy Christmas. I got invited by a mate and a good time was had by all.

How did everyone else's holidays go?

Made apple pie with Joanna tonight. Turned out more like cinnamon-y apple soup, with a soggy crust. But we had fun.

Can someone please tell my mother to stop calling me?

Здравствуйте. Меня зовут Анастасия Николаевна Романова. Существуют ли какие-либо другие русские здесь? Я тоскую по дому. ( ooc: translation )


Hello, my name is Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanova, but you may call me Anya. I am from Russia. I start classes at university this semester and was told to bid hello here. Please excuse my English, it is not perfect, and I come here to help it be better. I want to be in a doctor's practice when I finish university!