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I had the most wonderful day yesterday.

Lots going on.

Tomorrow is my lecture at Fullerton, the topic of which is: Neuroplasticity. Yay! No, I'm looking forward to it. I'm just a little worn out.

Irvine and I are in talks to plan a course for the summer session. Oh, and did I mention the book goes on sale next week? Irvine will also be the site of that party I mentioned. Remember that? It's Wednesday night, courtesy of the Tate Publishing. Not sure of all the details, yet. But it appears to be happening.

Yes, lot's going on. There's even more than this ^, but not the sort I'd post here. I only hope I survive it all.

It's occurred to me that I'm not really sure who it is I'm talking to when I post on this network. And yet I keep coming back for more. I think I need more real-life friends. A drinking buddy, perhaps.

Yesterday, I had the most brilliant and wonderful revenge plan in the entire fucking world, or at least the West Kingdom and Caid combined and had gotten as far as plotting out the details, looking up what I would need and shooting off an email to our local captain, detailing the whole entire plan, well, not the vengeance parts of it, I don't think that the SCA was ever meant to be about enacting petty revenge, as good as it would feel based on how pissed off my life's made me this week, but everything else involved here, and about as soon as I'd hit send, I realized that I'd let emotion get the better of me yet again.

As much as I still like the plan for all the other things that it entails, and all the sappy ways it's going to make me a better person or whatever, the fact that I came up with it based on my need to deliver a big fuck you to someone in my past is pretty fucking horrible. In the long run, really, what does hatching an epic plot that's going to take me at least a year to come close to succeeding in do for me as a person if it's only about the petty vengeance that I tell kids on the street they shouldn't succumb to? What does rubbing my success in someone's face when I can beat him say except "I've been obsessed with you this whole entire time and even though I'm gone, you're still running my life?" or even worse, "please validate and notice me by acknowledging the fact that I'm better than you" when I'm supposed to have left all emotion connected to this person far behind me when I went ahead and picked up my own life?

It says that I'm a lot of things there's a whole lot of ugly labels for, and that those labels are the complete truth is what it says. It says I'm immature, and petty and a lot of other things I don't even want to touch.

And I'm supposed to be the one who's going to be a role model? Jesus Christ, am I fucked up or what?

That said, I actually think my super awesome plan is going to help with about, oh, ninety percent of the issues that I've just realized I have, so I'm still going to go along with the good, humanity developing parts of it. Part one, I can start to handle on my own as I get more practice in, and start dealing with other archers again, but Part two, the one where I expand my skills and develop a new set, I'm going to need some help.

Anybody know of someone who can help me get a good seat on a horse? I can't really afford to go somewhere well known unless you're willing to let me muck out stalls in exchange for teaching me the basics, well besides the hands. The hands, I'm going to have to cover on my own at some point in the future since that's going to be real specific, but other than that, do any horsey people here have suggestions for that?


I'm going to make myself a better person, dammit. You people are gonna help me.