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I know they're following me. I don't know where to go.. Police are no good, and home is worse. I think I saw.. Trust the bank, where the gold is. I have to find it.
Are they tracking these? Better throw it away, just in case

So. Archer fellow that I met at darts. Clint, I believe? If you're up for having a laugh at a novice's expense, I'm game for making a fool of myself in public. I think I'd like to try my hand at a larger target.

So, I called the mole lady Nurse Hatchet, and she's surprisingly upset with me. Since my girlfriend's downstairs working (my girlfriend is awesome by the way, seriously, yours isn't as good, just accept it) I've got to come up with a way to pass the time, since now Hatchet is glaring at me and won't talk to me.

SO. Uncle Tony is going to help you fuckers out. Sounds great, right?

Treat this like an advice column. Ask me a question, and I'll try to help you through your life's problems and bullshit like that.

And I swear to God, if someone sends me strippers again I'm going to return the favor. With a male stripper.

A bear stripper. An old bear stripper. Unless you're into that kind of thing, which is okay, not judging, but then you get like, an old lady. I don't know, just don't send strippers seriously.

Things just keep getting weirder and weirder.

Who kills a pet because they were protecting their owner from a douche? I mean, seriously.

[Private to Dad]
Dad? Remember when you asked me about those dreams? If I had any? Well, I've had some now.

Mother's Day always reminds me of how thankful I am to have my daughter.

Contrary to what some members of this network may believe, The FBI does, in fact, know what you are doing at work.

We also know when you do it, who you do it with, and, oh yes, exactly what you've told these people, and exactty what their backgrounds are.

In the interests of ensuring your discretion, and because IT refuses to play Cybernanny, someone here has been dispatched to make sure you people don't blow everything.

As for the rest of you?

I'm watching.

All right, so now I'm dreaming about punching Hitler. Compared to the whole Roman thing it was actually somewhat normal.

[Locked to Dr. John Smith]

I know this is going to sound mental, but I'm afraid you were in this one too.

"A creative adult is simply a child who has survived." I feel like there should be a wild rumpus somewhere in honour of Maurice Sendak.

I thought you were all crazypants with your talk about vivid dreams and acting like it had really happened to you, but now I think I know what you mean. It obviously wasn't really me or anything, but I have to wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me with so many cheesy monsters.

I was out waaaaay too late last night. I guess I didn't want the night to end or something. Weird! I woke up at like 2pm today and I still have a huge ton of studying to do. I can't believe I'm about to graduate from UCLA! This is so crazy. I'm going to be like a real adult now or something.

So, I need at do a bit if cross reference.

Has anyone else had a dream about being a Roman Centurion demanding alien robots return his wife?

Or is that just me?

So this is... not precisely the announcement I intended to make, at this particular hour, on this particular day.

Due to unforeseen circumstances involving the giraffe, tonight's magic show at Paramnesia has been canceled. Tickets purchased in advance for tonight's show may be applied to another show within 30 days. Those who display tickets for tonight's show may also get in free to tonight's alternate show, without a requirement that tickets be surrendered – or, in other words, if you already have a ticket for tonight, you can come in and still see the actual show on another day at no additional charge.

Otherwise, instead of the $35-80 ticket prices for the Thursday-night show, it's $5 per person, standard cover at the door, and we're hosting ( K A R A O K E )

Drinks are standard price, and if you have any questions, well, it's probably another three hours before things will be picking up anyway.

Oh, and I should add: 16+ with ID or parent/guardian. Assuming, that is, that anyone as young as 16 thinks that watching a lot of drunk adults perform karaoke is a good time.

As further incentive: realise this is Southern California; if you think you're good enough, you just might impress an agent or vocal coach or some such!

Has anyone but me had a GOOD version of them? Cuz, Ill be the first one to say I want to live in mine...

It felt so real, so right, so beautifull, that I can't even....

thins were more REAL there, you know? Like they had a story and they MATTERED. EVERYTHING mattered and it wasnt so damn random the same way things are here.

I sort of hope it comes again.

I try to be a pleasant employee, get along with my co-workers and do everything right. I really, really do. I mean, we're all a team, we work together, everything adds up. It's usually fine. The petty stuff, well, I don't sweat it.

This afternoon has gone beyond petty, I'm afraid.

Someone disassembled the office coffeemaker. I don't want to know why, I think that I know WHO, and it's literally driving me insane. Sure, I'm off for a quick Starbucks run so we're all sane and happy and fun to be around, but that isn't the same, considering how much cheaper this is.

I can tolerate my co-workers leaving the pot empty, I can tolerate the dirty cups they toss into the sink, since I don't even mind cleaning them up, but this? I have the feeling it's the thing that could break me today. I will be insanely lucky if I make it until closing without murdering someone today.

...My name is Dick Greyson, I am in extreme withdrawal and this is my first post and rant to valarnet. I'm sure it will be nice to meet you once I'm properly caffeinated once again.

Hello everyone, I'm Elspeth and I've just moved here. Still trying to get on my feet and everything but I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.

( photo under the cut! it is a hot bitch you should click it )

This is Ilyana, and she's due to give birth to her second litter in a month.

I'm mostly showing off her silly face lounging like that -- she's pregnant, see, the rest of the pack have to wait on her -- because I want everyone to see how beautiful she is, as I've estimated five pups on palpation and between two and all five will be available for sale. Drumming up early interest because background checks take time!

Anyone know where a fellow can find a good spot to play darts? I mean, there's always Google, but I prefer recommendations.

Once again I'm grateful that I'm an insomniac, if I wasn't to begin with I think becoming a Professor would have taught me how to become one. I do love the job, I really do but marking is the absolute bane of my existence. Thankfully there's one or two students in my class that actually know what they are talking about it makes it a bit more bearable.

Also I have never understood how you can drink coffee in anything but its natural form - black with nothing added to it.

I have the most serious case of verbal vomit today. I can't seem to censor myself. I think it and it comes right out of my mouth. I've already nearly been kicked out of my Lit class for telling the teacher her ass looks big today and then I got into a fight at the cafeteria because some bitch was talking smack about my man. I'm pretty sure I won though. Maybe. Ouch.