Network

A play in three acts.

Scene: Rehearsal room in October
Me: You'll want to make sure you have snow appropriate jackets for December
Jeremy: What? This is Southern California, that's ridiculous
Me: We'll see.


Scene: Backstage, day after Thanksgiving
Jeremy: So the snow in LA County, was that what you were talking about?
Me: Well, Palmdale and Lancaster were unexpected though I believe it snowed there eight years ago. But no, not what I was talking about.

Cue yesterday backstage
Jeremy: Okay, I get it.
Me: =D


Anyway, we have three weeks left of Bonnie & Clyde so if you're interested and haven't seen it yet (or wish to see it again), there are still tickets available.

It's weird feeling like you love somebody you don't even know because that's how it is in the dreams.

Honestly the latest dream was a total trip, if I didn't know any better I'd think I had been smoking something or eaten some sort of magic mushrooms.

There was a lot of snow, a very angry Russian man, driving nails into boards, and a ton of nudity involved.

With the clothes I get from my dreams, I can be a Queen every year for Halloween and this year was no exception. It was difficult to figure out which outfit I was going to wear, but eventually I figured it out and I was able to convince Roman to dress up too. By the end of the night, I didn't want to take off my crown; if only it were acceptable for me to wear it all the time here.

And for anyone who has taken the time to actually read my recent rants about my dreams, my most recent one was better. We robbed a fucking bank. Of course it didn't go as planned, but I got to plan the entire thing and tell everyone else what to do.

Honestly, fuck my dreams. They're getting progressively worse. Like I said before, the only good thing has been the clothes that have shown up in my closet after the dreams. I need to find a place to wear the dress that showed up this morning.

Also, I found out that there's a place in Loria called The Cock Barrens. It's legit a large group of purple rocks that look like penises. I shit you not. It's safe to say that Fillory and Loria are the most bizarre places ever.

On a better, more superficial note, I looked good today.

( Selfie Time )

The petri-dish I work in has finally made me succumb to the various illnesses attached to the sticky hands of small kids. I feel like I might be dying.

So, does anyone have any novel ways to get better quickly? I don't want to be sick over Halloween and these kinds of bugs always take it out of me.

Nothing like being suckerpunched in the gut first thing by a weird surge of energy.

If you'll excuse me I'm going to pop some painkillers and go back to bed.

Also old news for some but holy shit Fillory is real but definitely could have done without experiencing all the naked and being tied up in ropes.

I just spent the better part of this afternoon cleaning out my closet and identifying things that I can donate. I totally did this in my dreams, too, except in the dreams I was selling them because my credit card had been declined.

I think I'd rather just give them away. It feels better. Charity begins at home or whatever, right?

Plus more closet space means I can stock up after winter when the spring clothes come out.

These dreams are really weird though, and like not in a good way. I've definitely not grown wings or superpowers or whatever but me and my friends are definitely getting stalked by someone who knows like, literally everything about us and is possibly our dead friend.

Ugh. no thank you.

Fuck the Foo FU Fighters for trying to assassinate Eliot. Fuck Eliot for knocking up Fen. And double fuck Eliot and the Patriarchy. I'm High Fucking Queen, but apparently the only decisions that matter are Eliot's. We're supposed to be ruling Fillory together.

The only thing that makes this dream better is that when I woke up, the outfits I was wearing, in the dream, were in my closet. Honest to God, Fillory fashion is some of the highest fashion I have ever seen.

Had to chase a mark today. Ended up in front of him somehow, then accidentally threw him against a wall. I seem to have miraculously gotten super fast and strong overnight.

( Locked to members of staff at Mercy's Clinic )

( Alex )

( Margo )

Woke up with a pounding headache. These dreams sure know how to show a guy a good time.

Gin and djinn are pronounced the same way. Both are spirits in a bottle.

Now that Roman and I have finally moved into our house, I never want to move again. Moving is such a fucking hassle and I've done it three times in the last two years. It's not happening again. Not only that, but I love this house. It's possibly the nicest house I've ever lived in.

Once we're completely settled in we're going to have a house warming party, which I'm very much looking forward to.

One of my favorite things about this house is how bright it is. It's perfect for selfies.

( Perfect Selfie Light )

After being forced to go to WalMart in the middle of the night, I've learned I never want to have to go to WalMart in the middle of the night again.

Trish called me this morning to wish me a happy birthday, which would have been nice I guess, except for the fact that she was apparently with Dorothy. That, and Trish apparently forgot about the time difference.

Nothing to say 'happy birthday, Jessica' like being woken up at 7 am and listening to your adoptive mother going on for ten minutes about how you're throwing your life away. I need a drink.

Oh fuck no! This might be the most fucking terrifying thing I have ever seen. Why would anyone want to do this?

So I have a question for all the dreamers out there. Okay wow that sounded like some really crappy thing a radio DJ would say but hey go with the flow.

How do you generally deal with stuff from the dreams turning up here? Like actual things? Things that were not there before you went to sleep?

You know I’m pretty new at relationships, more in the Dreams than here, but even I know that sleeping with somebody to get back at your boyfriend? Tends to be a pretty shitty idea. No matter what we did he might have done to piss you off. We all ended up in the Neitherlands - which is this vaguely creepy area between the worlds that’s full of fountains that lead to the different worlds. But we don’t hang out there for very long after Quentin one of the other guys falls through one of the fountains. Instead we go to the library where everything’s good until I fuck up and read Mike’s book and realize how badly his life got messed up by the Beast and by me, and set it on fire. We get tossed out after that.

You’d think setting something on fire in the Dreams would stop it from showing up here but no such luck. Magnus? Does the Guild want a book about the life of a man who got taken over by the Beast?

Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 walked so Hadestown could run...

No pressure for our production this coming July and August!

I got pulled in to a shift on my day off because a coworker called in sick. Come in to find out that she's not sick so much as hospitalised from a shitty human knocking her on her ass after she turned him down.

So when she's out of the hospital I'm taking her to my kickboxing class where I'm renting a space and showing her some quick and efficient take down techniques. Since there's been some comments about unwanted approaches and attention I thought I'd offer it out. But be aware, these will not stop someone attacking you, you will not be a Terminator. This is how to stop someone bothering you and getting out of there.

If you wanna learn the other stuff, my kickboxing class could use more women, the instructor is really good, very respectful and it's a fun crowd.

I'm not sure when being in sales and being responsible for the word of mouth market came into play but here we are.

I'm Nebula, I work at No Rest For Bridget in Newport Beach (although we're in Huntington Beach and Costa Mesa too) and I've been newly tasked with our online and social media brand and this was one of the recommendations. T_T KMN.

And to make this less of an ad and more relatable, what are some of your customer service nightmares?

Oh for Christ's sake people learn to read contracts before you sign them. Read not skim. I did not go to the trouble of filling the thing out WITH YOU to make sure everything you wanted for your event was in there and telling you four times that the deposit was nonrefundable and that I needed 72 hours notice for a cancellation. 72. Not 24. Not 36. 72. Minimum. Because I have to contact everyone that I hired and signed contracts with for your event and cancel them.

And I paid those deposits out of the deposit you gave me. Also even with you cancelling? I've put in a number of hours organizing this that I could have spent on other clients. Clients that didn't call on a Friday night to cancel their Saturday party. At 9 on Friday night actually. As I'm getting ready to go out myself. So thanks for being an inconsiderate asshole and ruining my night by not following the contract and calling earlier.

And even after I reminded you of the contract you signed and emailed it to you again so that you could read it over again and see I wasn't, as you put it, "bullshitting to keep the money", you still want a refund of your deposit in full? No. I don't work for free any more than you do. Go ahead and have your lawyers contact me. I'll show them the contract that you signed with me stating that you understood my policies.

[Margo]
I took the flask back. I have a feeling I'm going to need it the next few days.

[Felix]
Next buy's on me darling. I needed it after that call.

[Minako]
I'll leave their papers in your desk just in case their lawyers do show up so you can give them a paper copy. If they call - just send it on over to my phone. This is one customer you don't need to protect from me with their idiocy. They've more than earned anything I say to them.

How many vacations can I get away with taking in one year? I work for myself so I don't have to clear it with a boss and my assistant is more than capable of handling the phones and keeping things on track once the contract is signed and all the vendors have been hired. Doomsayers, dragons, all of that I can handle. An earthquake damaging the buildings around my office before we get to move in and my best friend's boyfriend almost dying ending up in the hospital in the same week is pushing my limits.

I know I'm probably going to fucking regret this later, but I want to know what happens in my dreams. It's been months since I woke up with this tattoo seared into my back and I want to know if it was actually worth scaring myself for. I mean, do we win or does the Beast just kill us all and that's it? Do we all end up dead because of Quentin Coldwater? This is so incredibly frustrating.

So, question to those of you who aren't human, or fully human, anymore because of your Dreams. How do you tell your parents or other family members that aren't Dreamers that you aren't human? Because I won't be able to hide my cat ears from my parents forever.

What the fuck did I just watch? I was on twitter and someone retweeted a compilation video of kids throwing fucking pickles at each other. They were literally taking them out of burgers and tossing them at each other. We're fucking doomed if this is the next generation.

Alright, so I’m thinking that there has to be something to that whole phone addiction thing that people keep throwing around. I had the weirdest dream last night, and considering some of the other dreams I’ve had since moving here that is definitely saying something. But this one - was all about my phone. I was sitting in some doctor’s office looking room, just scrolling through some website on my phone when this random redhead woman comes stomping over to me, snatches it from me, throws it to the floor, and stomps on it. Breaking it in half. And that was when I woke myself up crying. Over my phone being broken in a dream. I would give it to my new assistant to hold onto but… how would I text my boyfriend randomly to spice up his work day?

I was hired recently by a man who wants me to look into his daughter's personal life, specifically whether or not she's dating the right sort of people, so that he can decide whether or not to keep her in his will. At $150/hour plus all inured expenses paid, it was just too good to pass up.

I'll be following a lead from a very reliable source that she's very interested in volunteering, so I guess I'll have to check out places like Habitat for Humanity and the soup kitchen. Anyone else have any other suggestions?

[Veronica]

This seems like it's going to be a very long, complicated case, and I just don't know if I can't handle it myself. How'd you like to be hired on as a consultant?

Well… it’s always fun to find out that everyone thinks there’s something wrong with me in my Dreams. A glass broke out of nowhere while Margo and I were sitting in the common room of the Cottage, so of course everyone starts worrying, and they have to bring the Professor to look at me. She gives me a clean bill of health but in a surprising twist - she thinks something is going on with Margo’s life force being drained because a wine glass shatters when set next to her. They want to know if she’s been involved in any sort of unprotected rituals lately, and it seems that she has.

I’m stoned out of my mind but decide to go with her, anyway, to talk to the guy she suspects. When we get there we find that he’s made a golem of her, a Margolem. Who honestly is a lot of fun to do drugs with in the Dreams. Margo says she wants to destroy her, so we take her back to Brakebills with us and I end up kissing the Margolem, and that’s when I find out that she changed her mind about destroying it because Margo walks in the room. I think the Professor is wrong about me though - there’s something wrong with me.

[Private to Margo]
How you doing Bambi?

[Private to Felix]
Promise me if I start acting really not like myself you’ll find a solution, a way to fix me and whatever’s broken.

Nothing ruins a weekend like waking up in the middle of the night to feel like your ankle is being branded by an invisible hot iron.

I passed out from the pain and it was tender in the morning but it's now there...on my skin. It signifies the death of One. It's to let the other 8 of us know that they died. Didn't expect that but I shouldn't be so surprised.

I can’t believe she actually Why am I so surprised that Petunia - I guess congratulations are in order for my sister. She got married on the 30th of last month. Bit weird having a mid week wedding like that I know but she always did like making herself the center of attention.

[James]
I went a bit overboard cooking so if you want to come over and get some cookies or rolls or something you can. They’re fresh.

[Anakin]j
Is Majy allowed things like carrot nut loaf?

It looks as though my next two performances will be as part of group concerts.

Leading Ladies of Orange County the last weekend of February at [venue], and then OC Miscast the second weekend of March at [venue].

Does anyone have any idea how to turn these dreams off?

[Yondu]

You have a fire?

Turning the undead into hamsters is, perhaps, the most entertaining thing I've done all year.

[Lily]
Have you been holding up okay?

What the actual fuck?! I had to bash some zombies head in that was trying to get into the garage at the shop.

Is your New Year's Eve boring? Of course it is, because you're not at my party.

Come on over to Stark Tower for food, fun, live music, and free cocktails! Or mocktails, if you like. We won't judge.

Seriously, we've got more food than I know what to do with and there's already a pretty good crowd here. No one wants to watch me cry into leftover pans of meatballs.

It's a good fucking thing that I'm a magician and can make alcohol appear cause I need as much as possible right fucking now.

I will say one thing about this place: I have never had more fun throwing snowballs at strangers than when they have no idea where it's coming from. Oh magic, where have you been all my life?

Happy Thanksgiving, Orange County, and remember, if you participate in "Black Friday" tonight, you're a POS. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I didn’t post about the last dream I had because it was just too painful in some ways. I had to kill the guy I was dating there, the one person I’d shared my past with other than Margo, that I was willing to let that close to me in that school, in order to protect Quentin. I’ve killed twice in my dreams and both times it was so...easy in the moment I’m only mentioning it now because it plays directly into my actions in the one I had last night. Quentin is still looking for a way to get into Fillory, that country that he’s obsessed with even though it’s where the Beast is from, the same Beast that’s trying to kill us all because the solution has to be there if I’m understanding his thought process right.

I got off topic, he’s convinced that there’s a button or something that can be used at the authors house in England, and I overhear them talking about buying plane tickets there to explore it but I offer up an alternative. Apparently Margo and I made a portal to our favorite pub in England to make it easier to go there for a drink and I offer it up to them since I’ll be going with them since I’m bored. Or at least that’s the excuse I give them. We go on a tour of the house in England and when we don’t find anything break in at night to search more, and as we find out later on when the guide from earlier shows up - we trip the alarms. He wants us to get out and I - seriously on a roll here with using my powers - threaten to use magic on him to get him to tell us what we need to know about Plover, which is how we find out there were rumors about him using magic, missing children, and his sister not wanting anyone to find out. And before he can tell us anything else the lights go out, and when they come back up - his throat’s been slashed. And that’s when the four of us get split up.

We get drugged and kidnapped by a ghost and when we finally break free and outside it’s time for catch up with one another on what we found out.And after all that, going to get the button from a corpse and back to Brakebills. All I know is - I’m never going on a trip with Quentin again if I’m going to be tied up by a nasty ghost and drugged against my will.

[Margo]
How would you feel about recreating that door here? Or trying to at least.

You call me today wanting to hire me to put together an office Halloween party for Friday night and don't understand why I refused? Maybe because you're giving me two days to put together an event that generally takes at least two weeks because you don't have a location, a caterer, a DJ or anything else already lined up? The customer should be counting themself lucky I didn't burst into laughter on the phone with them and hang up. I've been getting clients wanting to work on their Christmas and New Years parties since September because they understand nothing good can be thrown together at the last minute.

You'd think whether they want to admit Voldemort is back or not, the Ministry in my dreams would at least be willing to take a few extra precautions to protect themselves. But no they're not, judging by the fact that my Dreamself and the other followers of that psychotic madman were able to take over their government headquarters in one night. Granted there was a fight, unfortunately our side won, but they should have been better protected.

Um...is it normal for someone to try and get your attention to take off your headphones to ask if it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Well, being ten years old again was not exactly on my list of things to do. Jemma and Natasha, I'm sorry for all the questions and talking your ears off about dinosaurs and everything. At least I'm back to the right age now? And BEFORE the wedding?

So, now that talks are done and everything is finalized, I can officially announce the next show that will be put on at [theater company].

The show will be Moulin Rouge!, which recently finished its premiere run in Boston and is in talks to move to Broadway for the 2018/2019 season. Auditions will be the weekends of 14-16 and then 21-23.

If my dreams could stop killing me and my friends, that'd be fucking great. However, what I woke up to this morning almost makes up for it. Eliot, Quentin, Alice and I became Kings and Queens of Fillory so when I woke up this morning, my crown was on my dresser. I want to wear this all the time. It feels so natural. I may have to wear this for Halloween.

My dreams have taken me down Under the Mountain.

But a lot of things that had been unclear I get now. My Fae Lord is cursed, and the woman who cursed his court rules their lands like a despot.

And I'm supposed to be the one to break the curse but I don't have any idea how I'm supposed to do that, except I managed to make a deal with her to do three trials.

That'll probably get me killed.

I'm pleased to announce that I got my wand from my Dreams! I spent most of the day attempting to do dishes by magic, though I think I ended up with more broken plates than clean ones.

And I accidentally turned my favourite mug into a mouse. I managed to turn it back though. Mostly.

We’re heading into my favorite time of year - Halloween. These are the best parties to plan, and since I stick around during them to make sure everything goes smoothly I get to wear some of the most fabulous costumes thanks to my amazing roommate.

[Margo]
Speaking of my amazing roommate - think I can steal you away from your boyfriend to go costume shopping? There have to be one or two new ones on the market Bambi.

[Felix and Caroline]
So the thought occurred to me that with Halloween coming up and all the insanity lately - everybody could probably use some fun. And the three of us are the best at making fun happen right? So what do you say we work together to make something unforgettable happen partywise?

I keep hearing about this stupid In My Feelings challenge. Anyone stupid enough to get out of a moving car and dance next to it deserves to get hit my a fucking car. How stupid do you have to be to actually do this? Honestly, people today are just getting dumber by the day.

I've decided I don't like some of the creatures I have to deal with in my Dreams. They are just downright miserable.