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Oh, poor me. I have no plans for this Friday night. I sure hope someone will ask me out for dinner and a movie.

Liam, please tell me that was another burglar breaking into your apartment last night. At three in the morning. Honestly.

I am an idiot and I am probably very lucky I don't have a broken jaw.

Liam? You're still out of town, aren't you?

The Queen entered the Olympics via parachute with James Bond.

I have never been so proud to be technically British.

Whoever's got your finger on the 'Aftershock' button, could you please stop timing them when I'm holding a pot of scalding hot coffee? I'm going to run out of skin.

Er, Tali? Just noticed a button on my coffeemaker that I'm not sure was there before and I'm a bit too afraid to just try pushing it.

I need to teach my computer to make coffee. Then I could actually fix it when the damn thing breaks instead of having to go buy a new coffeemaker. For now, I'm stuck spending twice as much money on coffee that's half as good. At least there's free WiFi so I can complain about it to the whole of the internet.

#firstworldproblems