Network

So heading home from school yesterday a guy decided to try and mug me. Poor guy, didn't know what he was letting himself in for. Hope he wakes up soon...

Let it be known that John Smith X is a horrid brute who taunts those who are shorter than him by holding things out of their reach. Don't be fooled by his charms and easy going personality. He's a right git.

Don't you just hate planes? I mean, I like the stewardesses. But getting through airports and wasting all that time sitting around and then sitting some more. I mean, thank god I fly first class at least, right? But hello, Orange County, here I am! Have you missed me? I can't believe it's been almost five years, but, well, time flies when you're having fun.

I thought I'd check this thing out. My brother's mentioned it before. You people are entertaining if nothing else. Now, who thinks it's time for my welcome home party? After this whole crime wave gets under control. Obviously.

I feel like a whale!!

Hey, I need a pricing for patching up bullet holes in my van. There's mechanics on this thing, right?

Also, people, please be armed, as nothing is ever sacred anymore.

[Private to Elizabeth Comstock]
Are you home? There's a safe in my closet, [combination number]. I know you've got your portals, but Aunt Flo's in there, and I'd rather have you be armed with something nowadays.