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It's almost Halloween. I want pumpkins. I also want to put spiders and webs in the window.

[Izzy and Alec]
Did we ever decide what we were doing for Halloween or do you have plans already?

[Clary]
How are you?

[Faye]
Boo!

I've finally had some dreams like the ones that I've seen people talking about, I think.

I remember correctly, it felt like I was back in the war. I met a fellow soldier named Finn Macauley...a real newbie who was in awe of the captain. Maybe it would have been amusing, if we weren't in the middle of a war-zone. Although, the enemies were...different. They didn't exactly die when they were shot, not right away. Some of them mutated into some pretty weird shit...

I think my PTSD is mixing with whatever I end up watching on TV. That's possible, right?

[James]
Thanks for being there and understanding about it. I thought I was getting over these dreams...guess I'm not.

( Cut for violence/child abuse/penal system, but viewable to all. )

Can we just take a moment to appreciate how wicked awesome Halloween is?

You know that scene in American Beauty with the girl and the rose petals and the sexy whimsy or whatever?

Yeah. That's me. But with peanut butter cups and twix bars.


Ughhhnnnffff.

In my dream, I wanted to move on. To stop being a ghost and just go through the door. Because being a ghost is the worst thing. I couldn't touch anything, I couldn't feel anything. I'd never kiss anyone, or have a family and it was awful. But then I changed my mind though, because I couldn't leave them.

And then some creepy old man shoved me through my door and forced me into.. I don't know. Hell, maybe.

That was the worst dream I've ever had in my life.

Since it's a common topic right now, I guess I'll sound in on my Halloween plans.

Which is none. I will be very happily avoiding it by sitting at home and watching bad horror movies. The whole party thing was never really my scene.

Also, I'm embarrassed to say this, being super late to the game, but I just discovered Mumford And Sons beyond that one song. I gotta say, I like them.

Before I left today, I was looking over my appointments for tomorrow and one of the new patients is someone I went to school with. ( Cut for mention of drug abuse - viewable to all ) I'm wondering if I should request he see another counselor. It all reminds me how different it could have been for me.

Everyone kept me so busy since I got here that I actually forgot yesterday was my birthday! Can you believe that?

I wasn't even that upset about it. I mean... When you pass 21, birthdays don't seem to matter as much and really the closer you get to 30 the scarier they get. But Lara took me out for Curry and then we had some ice cream cake!

My birthday present from her was amazingly awesome. I now have a brand sparkly new laptop that can edit video footage and stuff! Just the thing I need to record all of her awesome archaeology exploits. Eeeeee, I'm so excited!

I'm excited to take Nessie Trick R' Treating. And then soon she'll have her first Thanksgiving and her first Christmas. I feel so overwhelmed. This time last year I was preparing to be a new father and now my little girl is celebrating so many firsts in her life.

I think I'll take her and Bella to the Pumpkin Patch this weekend and pick out a pumpkin for us to carve as a family.

I know my dreams are real. And I know this world is real. So was my dream self a...a past life? Another world, that kind of thing? But I'm changing. I don't go out in the sun much anymore, not if I can help it. I don't eat or drink. When I sleep, I sleep upside down. And I always dream.