Some days are good days, or at least tolerable ones. Today, however, was not one of those, or even close. I hate my therapist, I hate ME, and I hate almost every person in my life barring those of you who can actually SEE this message here and my fiancee who isn't seeing this because I don't want to bug him with it.
Today she got me to voice the thing that's been in my head for months, and now that I've voiced it, I know exactly what the fuck's going on in my life, with the people I thought gave a shit, and I'm not happy with it. Used to it, from the one side, since it's pretty much a life experience I've dealt with, and I'm coping with it, and not saying anything to the person who's picked up the thread of this dumping me when he's found something better because hell, I don't want to create drama for him that he doesn't deserve, when it's probably something I did anyway.
I just...I don't know. I knew that I didn't matter all that much to Ollie in the scheme of things, which he's proved over the years, not just this time, but from Barton? I guess we've only known each other for a year, so it's not like there's anything new going on there, but the getting dumped, and only realizing how obviously I've been dumped a couple months down the line? It sucks. It really fucking sucks.
At least I've got the most amazing fiancee in the world, but he can't be expected to shoulder all of my shit as I'm working through it. I just hate that I have to face the fact most people hate me and are ready to drop me all the same.