( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

So...that was a thing that happened.

( River )
Sorry about that.

( Phil )
So...I think maybe I owe you an apology. And a drink.

Also, I hope you know you cockblocked me. I was going to have awesome resurrection sex, and then Canton had to go and make me worried about you.

( Natasha )
Ty v poryadke?

( Bruce )
You were fun company in the boring as fuck death room, Freckles.

( Avengers )
So...I guess I should apologize for River going off on you all.

To clear some things up, no I don't think I'm not really part of the team, no I don't think you guys should have backed me up, and it's nobody's fault that I had a slight case of death. Seriously, you guys couldn't have changed what happened. So, let's just hang out and be awesome.

My friends, it is with great regret that I must relay to you the passing of a great and noble warrior, our comrade and brother in arms, Bruce Banner. He was slain in a battle against the Cyber Men and Daleks, and his honorable death would truly earn him a place in the vaulted halls of Valhalla, where the brave may live forever. Though it does little to temper the sting of his loss, perhaps we may take comfort in the knowledge of his impending return. And to those who knew him best, I extend my deepest condolences.

[ Filtered to Thor ]

It seems as though mother has been returned to Asgard. She must have been needed there more than her presence here was still required. Since we did Do you think there could be a way to overwhelm whatever wipes our memories when we are returned?

[ Filtered to Neria ]

My mother has been sent home.

Oh that is a relief.

I cannot express my relief at having my magic returned to me. It was as though a part of my very spirit had been ripped out

( Loki )

( Frigga )

( Alistair )

( Willow )

Somebody better start talking. I wasn't finished with my shawarma yet and Barton gets cranky when I don't check in with him. He's not the kind of guy you want to make cranky, believe me. I have first hand experience here.

( Steve sounds different, less self-assured and somewhat out of breath )

Guys...something's wrong...

Bucky's gone.

And Coulson too.

I'm not sure who else had realized, but I figured someone should say.

And now they're both dead and

This is dumb. I don't know my last name or where my folks are or who they even are, or if I even have folks, or nothing. I can't even say I want to go home because I don't even know where home is!

You grown-ups need to figure something out and make this better. Because I said it before and I'll say it again. This. Is. DUMB.

Well, that was a suitably horrifying experience.

Thor, buddy. Two things.

1) It's just Clint. You seriously don't have to call me 'man with the eyes of a hawk'.

2) New Rule: You're not allowed anything. Ever. If you feel the urge to explain something? Don't.

( Bruce )
Hey, dad.

[ There's some shuffling going around in the background because...well, Aaron just finished avoiding the library guards for a little more than a couple hours before they grabbed a hold of him...the struggling and sound of Aaron hitting the guard statues was enough to turn on his PDA before he was so gracefully brought into the city. ]

Either the Philippines have gotten a new police force that gives out free PDAs or...well, I'm not even sure what's going on at this point. [ Aaron's pretty much talking at himself, he's trying to catalogue the sequence of events that took place before showing up in the library. The dull pain in his leg was a reminder that it wasn't a dream. ] Does anyone know what's going on here or do I have to guess?

Because nothing I'm coming up with makes sense. And I'm pretty sure Hell wouldn't look like this. [ He'd bring up Marta but he'd rather keep her off the radar just in case this was all a ruse to give up her location. An extremely elaborate ruse. ]

Right, so would anyone care to explain why I just woke up in some strange apartment? My first thought was that I'd become part of that 80% of teenagers who get kidnapped, but the college textbooks with my name on them kind of killed that theory. Then again, there shouldn't be college textbooks with my name on them, because, oh I don't know, I'm still in high school. That and usually kidnappers don't leave fancy PDAs where their kidnap victims can have access to them and there's no one else in this apartment. So, anyone know what's going on? My parents are going to expect me home at some point and I'd love to know where I am so that I can actually get home.

( Annie sounds very confused )

What the... ( a pause ) Why am I... ( a little panicky ) Oh my god, I've been kidnapped and nobody's ever going to find me and... ( a startled shriek ) What the...why are there suits of armor moving around?

Troy? Abed? Is this another one of those things where you guys throw me into a weird situation and film it without telling me first? Because I told you, that's not actually cool.

Could you maybe just...I don't know...back up? You're starting to scare me a little and...oh my god...I'm going! I'm going!

( a pause )

Um...thanks for the... ( the library doors shut ) ...phone?

( another pause )

Oh. This is on.

Hello? Can anyone hear this?

So...

Pros:

Don't have to deal with Creepy Uncle Badtouch, also known as Peter Hale

No threats of physical violence from Derek

No constant rejection from Lydia

Chance to make new friends

Cons:

No idea what creepy shenanigans Peter's getting up to

Derek is probably going to die from lack of common sense

Can't see Lydia

Have to make new friends

It all kind of evens out. I guess I'd probably be more annoyed if Scott was here. Unless Scott and Allison were both here. Then it would be kind of hilarious.

( Willow )
So...I was wondering if I could borrow some Mountain Ash for something. It's...sort of like a spell. Only not quite. I just need to make a barrier. With my brain. But it's really not magic.

Unless...do you think it might be magic? Do you think I could learn magic? Because that would be pretty cool.

Tags: abed nadir, damian wayne, seth, stiles stilinski, thor odinson

Right. Yes. Hello again. The Doctor here -- remember me? Bit of a mad man, did a whole lot of shouting when I first got here -- sorry about that -- been pretty quiet since then? Yes? No? I'll assume you do -- and if not, no problem, lots of people don't know who I am, nice surprise when that happens really -- and we'll work from there.

I see a lot of you posting things about missing people? Strange place, funny gods -- who kidnaps a Time Lord, really? -- it seems normal to me that people go missing from here all the time. One day, you wake up and they're gone. Still, seems to me, with an awful lot of people putting an awful lot of complaints out there, that maybe, just maybe, this is another of those strange things that happens here.

I've taken a look over the network and created a scanning algorithm that contained a search parameter for the postings, and it came back with the theory that everyone seems to be missing someone they already knew, someone connected to them from where they're from -- again, really, doesn't seem all that out of the ordinary for this place so far -- and take it from me, I know a thing or two about taking things out of the ordinary.

RIGHT! That being said, important questions are to follow, very important, well, maybe not that important -- maybe not questions at all -- more like question -- yes. Single. One question -- Une question, as it were...


Who can see this?

COMRADES! BE GLAD! FOR I AM USING THE DEVICE THAT THE SUITS OF ARMOR GAVE TO ME. THE TINY SYMBOLS ON THE BOARD OF KEYS ARE MOST DIFFICULT TO DISTINGUISH, AND THEY BECOME DAMAGED WITH LITTLE PROVOCATION. THE MAN OF IRON HAS REPAIRED IT FOR ME ONCE ALREADY, AND HAS ENABLED HIS COMPANION JARVIS TO TRANSCRIBE MY WORDS SO THAT I MIGHT LEAVE THE DEVICE UNDISTURBED. YET I ENDEAVOR TO ONE DAY USE THE BOARD OF KEYS FOR WRITTEN CORRESPONDENCE AS THE MIDGARDIANS DO!

PRAY, WHERE HAVE THE OTHERS GONE? THEY GAVE THEIR SACRED WORD THAT WE WOULD FEAST THIS EVENING.

( Illyria sounds pissed off )

How dare he! How dare this Asaph strike at me in this manner!

( a wordless, enraged sound )

How dare he push me aside and let that fragile mortal shell reassert itself even temporarily.

It is an outrage! It is insolence in its purest form.

I will rip apart this so-called god should I ever see him.

So, I was sort of wandering around today, thinking about how I finally had sex with Canton and it was awesome, like I sometimes do, and I wandered into one of the shelters. I've always sort of wanted a pet, but it's never really been in the cards...unless you count Lola the tiger from Carson's. She was pretty cool. Anyway, I was totally planning on getting a dog. And then I made a friend there. And she's going to live with me now. Tony, suck it up. I'm bringing her with me to your magic treehouse.

( Isn't she awesome? )

Anyway, she only has three legs, but she's totally badass anyway, and we have a profound bond. I'm calling her Tripod.

So...yeah. That's a thing that happened.

( Filtered Canton )

[ there's something of a crunching noise and a rumble of noise, as if the PDA is being moved around in someone's hands ] My apologies, tiny button. I did not mean to indent you in such a manner.

[ he taps the screen, causing loud feedback ] My friends, are you able to hear my voice? I have located the House of Waffles. I think it best we proceed there for this thing they call breakfast. What say you?

( It's hard to tell at first what's going on. There's no speaking, just the sound of someone struggling to breathe evenly, and occasional quiet, pained sounds and wet coughs. When Clint finally manages to say something, it takes a few tries before he manages the words, and even then they're quiet and choked. He doesn't sound quite coherent. )

Talia? Natalia? Nat...I...please... Nat?

[ there is the sound of thunder rumbling violently, along with the brief trickle of static moving in and out, the words "brother's" and "doing" teetering within hearing range. ] COWARDS! [ an unintelligible crash and a hasty snarl makes itself known ] YOU WILL RETURN BEFORE ME WITH THE ANSWERS OF WHICH I SEEK!

[ then, strong and defined through the haze of white noise, one word is heard ]

LOKI!

Now I like impromptu vacations as much as the next girl, well maybe not my new roomie, but unfortunately I have work I have to be doing, so if anyone knows how I can get home, that'd be great.

So I'm fake New Year's Kiss married to the God of Thunder and Rock and Roll fuck it and Rock and Roll. Oddly, or maybe not for those who know me, not actually my weirdest unexpected marriage to a god and/or goddess.

Thor, I'm henceforth calling you Snugglebunny. You can call me Loki if it makes you feel better.

By the Allfather, I demand to know where I am and who is keeping me captive. [ sif isn't happy and there will most likely be destruction coming soon. since loki isn't around she can't blame his as a prank of his, but there are several other males that would willingly do something like this to piss her off.

the commotion that she's making isn't making the guards very happy and that only makes her temper become worse. ] If none of you will give me valuable information than I would appreciate it if you would point me in the direction of where I will find answers. Do not just stand there and look at me. Give me the answers that I seek!

Dear Thor,

I'm sorry in advance. But the Prof's a girl and this was too funny not to share.

♥
Steph

PS - Do you really call it 'the hammer of Thor'?

( Cut for large image and subject manner )

What. The. Actual. Fuck?!? </s>I picked one hell of a time to have a god-damned flashback.</s>

Oh god This isn't happening This can't be happening

Babs, I think I need to cut patrol short tonight. Don't ask why. Please just don't ask why.

Okay. I'm confused. Really confused. And out of sorts. And I have no idea who I am.

But this guy I woke up with has really awesome abs. Like I'm not entirely sure they're not photoshopped. So...not entirely bad.

Sorry for objectifying you, guy I woke up with.

To whoever dared to kidnap the daughter of Thor and the princess of Asgard, my father will be most displeased with you, and I assure you, you will suffer the wrath of the God of Thunder.

Also, whoever did kidnap me might want to think about getting some guards who are at least a worthy challenge.

So I know everyone's freaking out and the locals are one good round of crazy from firebombing shit, but I think we all need a distraction.

So here's a picture of a wolverine fighting a bear. It is very factual and accurate.

( Very factual and accurate picture behind cut )

You're welcome, Colligo.

Well that was an exciting adventure. Future me was pretty awesome, I have to say.

Parker. I want to learn that stuff when you have time. It was awesome!

But for now? I really just want waffles. Yes, nighttime waffles. But getting waffles alone sounds just...really depressing. So who's going to join me?

You dare kidnap the son of Odin! I demand you show yourself! Perhaps if you return me to my home and beg my father's forgiveness, he shall not flay you end from end.

The point of this Midgardian holiday still appears to be pointless. If one wants to buy a gift for someone, then it should be at any point during the year. Not just certain days.

( There's the sound of a scuffle and a loud crash, then it's quiet for a moment. )

What the-

( There's a pause, then the sound of someone clearing his throat. )

Excuse me, ma'am, could you please tell me where I am?

Ma'am?

( The next bit is almost mumbled. He clearly doesn't know anyone can hear him. )

People here sure are unhelpful. What the heck's going on? And how did I get here?

Is this some sort of Nazi mind game?

Holy Son of a Asaph, any time you want to stop sending videos of my husband's reality to my store, that would be New shipment of videos today. If anyone has discovered they're from somewhere 'fictional' in someone else's reality and would rather their information not be available to the public, speak up.

This applies to anyone I haven't been doing this for or spoken to already. Otherwise assume your name is still on the list.

( Filtered to Crowley )

( Filtered to Ruby )

[ the post begins with a few odd electronic noises and a clearing of the throat. ] Might I beg the indulgences of you good people for a moment? It seems I find myself at a loss. I know naught of where I currently reside nor by what means I came to be here. If it is at all possible, I would appreciate assistance in clearing up these matters.

A way to leave would be appreciated as well. I have business to attend to at home. After everything, my absence would be seriously detrimental.