I've tried to avoid saying this, given how I can't seem to make myself private this to Uther. However, there is no avoiding it and I suppose that I should accept that I will change how a few important people view me after this is over. I suppose that I should also find a way to make peace with that.
That said, Uther you should know that the day by my father's grave, my rescuing you was a last minute decision. I did it because I felt that perhaps a part of you was capable of humilty, capable of change. I did it because I believed that you could be better for your people, for the people that you profess to care for and who are your responsibility. You were meant to die that day. It was my plan. I had gone to Tauren and we devised a way to lure you away from the safety of Camelot. He would get his chance, his revenge against you. The chance to practice his magic as he sought and the revenge that all of those like me rightfully deserve. You were to die for what you had done to Tom. What you had done to so many father's because of your selfishness, your
arrogance, and your blind hatred.
You were supposed to but you didn't. Because I was stupid. Or it seems to be in the future. From what I'm told you don't change at all.
I regret not letting you die that day. I do yet not as much as I likely should and I
hate that. I want so badly to see in you the man that my father loved. The man that my father gave everything up for. He lost his lover and his daughter for
you. For loyalty to you, for the fact that you could not find it in yourself to forgive for a man that you claimed was your brother! He went there and died for you. For Camelot. For
nothing. Yet I still try.
All for what? To be
ignored by you ever since you've found out about my magic. You've spoken to me all of twice. Once before and once during Morgause's enchantment. How can you claim to
love me and you cannot even
look at me. I am still Morgana! My magic doesn't make me less or any different. I have always had it and you cannot even treat me the same. You can't even make a bloody effort!
I hate you. I wish that I could say that I hate you completely because I can't. Nevertheless, I know that one day you will succeed in driving me away. Perhaps then you will finally receive what you deserve and I won't feel guilty about it.
Outside of how it will hurt Arthur. Sadly, or luckily depending how one looks at it, I might be able to learn to live with that.