( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

Mary Margaret's gone.

I guess I should be used to it by now. It seems like we're always looking for each other. But it doesn't make it any easier.

Two things I've figured out so far.

One - I'm a cop. Since I woke up in a police station, and I have a gun and a badge.

Two - I think I'm having an affair. Yeah, normally, that's not something you'd make public, but I'm pretty sure I'm having an affair with the guy I woke up with since we were kinda all over each other because he has a wedding ring. And I don't. Again, normally not something you'd make public, but it's not like we know who he's married too, or anything. Or if his wife is even actually alive, or anything.

But if I am having an affair, I guess this makes me the town tramp or whatever.

I forgot how weird these "updates from home" can be. Good news, Mary Margaret and I got back to Storybrooke. Bad news, Regina's batshit crazy evil mother Cora and Captain Hook followed us. And are now trying to take over and kill us all. Wonderful.

[Fail!Filter to Nathan Wuornos]

You remember how I told you about Neal, Henry's father, right? Apparently, back home, I found him again. He's Gold's son, Nate. Gold called in the favor I owed him back home, and hired me to track down his long-lost son for him. I found him in New York City.

I never thought I'd see him again. I never wanted to see him again. Not after what he did to me. Which, he apparently did because August (Pinocchio, who was supposed to be my "guardian" and help set me on the right path to break the curse, remember?) told him I needed to find my own path and he was only holding me back or something along those lines. So really, Neal leaving and me getting arrested was a good thing, since I did break the curse, right? It doesn't feel that way. I still felt betrayed and lied to. I still felt like he didn't loved me, that he just used me. I still have problems trusting people. Even though I've learned to trust people since I came to Storybrooke, and during my time here.

And the worst part? Henry now thinks I'm just as bad as Regina, because I lied to him about who his father was. I was just trying to protect him. I didn't think I'd ever see Neal again. I thought that was a part of my life I had left behind for good. I worked so hard to be a good mother to Henry, and just like that he thinks I'm just as bad as Regina. I wanted Henry to trust me, and now I'm not sure if I can never have that back again.

Every time I return to this city, it seems another disaster has recently occurred and the city is in worse standing than it was the last time I was brought here. I'm starting to wonder if Asaph just wants me here to help with the clean up and restoration.

Last time this happened, I ended up with Duke. And while this guy I'm currently with probably has the same amount of facial hair as Duke, it's definitely not Duke. Not a bad guy, though. Also, last time this happened, we didn't have a kid. Not that Jack isn't a great kid, because he is. Even though he looks exactly like Henry, which is a little strange, but still.

Luckily, these things aren't permanent.

Wow. Valentine's already? Time flies.

Right. My kids. Front and center. I want to know where you are. Alternatively, if you have one of my kids, letting me know would be good too.

Dean, baby, let's chat up our fake spouses and see if we can work out a meet-up on Friday night. <3

Everyone else? If you aren't sure what's going on, or what the "rules" usually are for this particular trick Asaph has up his sleeve, feel free to ask and I'll do what I can to explain.

I really hope that Freeman spars me. I love women, but I think it'd be pretty damn weird to see myself as one. Besides, I'd probably just embarrass everyone else, because I'd be so damn hot.

I believe I have finally wrapped my head around this being real. I've had some pretty realistic nightmares, so you can never be too sure. I'm Aurora. I was from a beautiful kingdom, but that went to shit. Pardon my language. I don't really say such things, but I couldn't think of a better description.

( Emma's answers )

Pretty much never wanting to do another one of these again, but I couldn't get it off my phone so here it is.

( Survey Says! )

[The sounds of the PDA skipping across the ground, followed by an Oof! Scrapes of shoes as Mulan pulls herself back to her feet. The sound of a sword being pulled from its scabbard can be heard.]

Hello? Answer me. What is this and where are we? You had no right to pull me from my - my Princess needs me. I demand that you take me back to my land, NOW.

[Another scuffle can be heard, but it's over much sooner than the last one. And it's clear that Mulan has been defeated. She is coughing and spitting.]

I am sorry, Aurora. You'll have to find your Prince on your own.

[The PDA turns on to the sound of someone sucking in a sharp breath. The voice is clearly feminine, and obviously confused.]

Hello? Is anyone here? [footsteps] Hello? Eugene? Maximus? [a pause, the voice gets smaller sounding] Mother? [nearly a shout now] Hello?!

[scurrying sounds and the girl lets out a soft sigh]

Oh, good. Pascal. There you are. Now we just need to figure out where we are. [a pause, the sound of pages of a book being looked through] This is very strange. [another pause then she sounds a bit excited] Oh! The castle! Of course! We must be in some part of the castle! I guess I fell asleep and then we...

[Her voice trails off as the telltale sounds of the guards coming to life can be heard.]

Guards! Look, Pascal! Real, actual castle guards! Hello there! Would you help me, please? I seem to have lost my guide. [a pause] And my horse. [another pause] Well, he isn’t really my horse. But he’s a very nice horse and he was helping me and [her voice starts to sound panicked] wait. What are you doing? Don’t touch me! No!

[there’s the sound of a scuffle, then a loud twang of metal hitting metal; the woman’s voice next attempts to sound tough but definitely is lacking any real oomph behind it]

That’s right! I have a frying pan and I’m not afraid to use it again! Don’t you dare come any closer! Don’t you- [the struggling sounds increase, with the woman now grunting in frustration before speaking up once more about the time the doors can be heard opening]

Wait! Where are you taking me? No! I don’t want to leave! Please. I just want to-

[Her voice trails off as she’s dropped on the ground. A few seconds later, when she speaks, it’s obvious she’s much closer to the PDA than she was before.]

Is this a gift? Oh, and I don’t have anything for you! I’m very sorry. I [a pause] Wait! Where are you going? Wait! [the doors shut and the only sound that follows is tiny fists banging on the doors in an attempt to get them opened again]

[ A second PDA clicks into the conversation, the sound of the doors being closed shut echoing right along with it as Flynn glances around, a sudden squeak coming as he spots the knights, the sound of a back hitting a shelf of books proceeding a second voice ringing into the situation. ] Oh. Hey guys. Hey. I was just... All right. I’m not sure what I was just since I seem to have gotten lost or skipped some time somewhere, but I’m pretty sure I was not aiming to end up in here this time. I mean! At all. Not aiming to end up in here, at ALL. So I’m sure we can come to an understanding about this clearly very understandable mistake. Right? Right.

[ pause at the sound of the guards advancing before Flynn asks the question again, even less uncertain than before. ] Right?

Oooookay. I guess not... So. Bye! [ the sound of a struggle follows, metal clanging together, things being knocked off shelves, possibly even the sound of a shelf being knocked over, all accompanied by a sound of someone running and muttering to himself ] How in the world do I-- Where is the-- Oh. Okay. That’s obvi- [ another sudden yelp ] Let go! Let go! I haven’t even DONE anything this time! I haven’t--

[ the door opens and Flynn yelps again, this time in pain. ] And then someone punches me in the face. Wonderful.

[There's a brief moment of silence, save for the obvious sounds of all sorts of chaotic things happening in the distance, then Rapunzel lets out a happy squeal.]

Eugene! There you are! [there's a bit of shuffling, fabric brushing against fabric, as she hugs him] Were you in there too? I didn't see you. Just the guards. Weren't they amazing?! They even gave me a gift! Look!

[another pause then, curiously with a touch of concern]

Where's Maximus? Wasn't he with you? Oh! Of course. He wouldn't be in the castle, would he? [she laughs lightly]

Well come on! Let's go find hi- [she immediately stops speaking as she finally turns around and notices the city; for a second, she's silent, then she squeaks in fear]

[ Even as he’s rubbing his nose and gets caught offguard by the hug, the most audible part of his reaction is a sigh of relief at actually realizing that he’s not here by himself followed by a much less...discernible sigh. ] At least we didn’t get arrested. Whatever that was.

[ Moving his eyes up and away from her when she froze as she turned, he followed suit, not really sure how to react to right now, but decided that being scared wasn’t really an option right now ] This...is not the kingdom. This is- What is this?

What the bl--

How am I- (a pause) Oh honestly- (a pause) Hello?

( Charming sounds confused )

Excuse me...what...where am I?

( a pause )

Dear god...what sort of place is this? It can't be another...

Hello? Excuse me? Hello?

( a sigh )

Well...this is somewhat awful... ( a pause ) Times like this...I wish I had my sword.

[The sound of Ruby running can be heard as the PDA activates.]

Hey! You! Robot men! Leave those little kids alone!

[Ruby runs towards the Cybermen, and there's the sounds of a brief scuffle, as Ruby tries to free some small children that the Cybermen had been taking to convert.]

Run! Don't look at me, run away from here as fast as you can right now! I'll be right behind you!

[Ruby goes to run, but is grabbed by the Cybermen, and the sounds of her struggling can be heard.]

Hey...Let go of me!

[More struggling]

Let me go!

[Ruby continues to struggle, and there's an edge of fear in her voice.]

Help me! Someone please help me!

[The PDA falls out of Ruby's pocket and crashes to the ground, as the Cybermen manage to overpower her and drag her away.]

Finding David's sword under the Christmas tree this morning was a nice surprise.

I miss him. And Henry. This place is crazy, and right now definitely isn't the best time for new people to show up, seeing as we have an invasion going on, but it'd be nice for Mary Margaret to have David around. I miss him and my son, but I wouldn't really want them showing up during all of this.

All right, everyone!

Do not panic. Or...I suppose you could panic if you want. It's not as if I could stop you. But really, it won't help. Probably. I guess it might. But that's highly unlikely, so I strongly suggest not panicking.

There are several things here that most likely want us all dead, but that's just Christmas for you. Admittedly, Christmas has never been quite this bad, but you lot deal with this sort of thing all the time. I'm sure it will be fine.

A bit of advice.

There are Silents. You won't remember them if you look away, so if you see one, find a way to remind yourself. Tally marks work. Recording notes to yourself. That sort of thing.

The statues are very dangerous. Don't take your eyes off of them. Don't blink. If you blink, you're dead.

The Daleks and the Cybermen are the same if you're looking at them or not, but that doesn't mean they're not just as bad. Be very careful and do not get shot. Or converted. Those are both bad things.

We will get through this. I know we will. Good luck and keep safe. And merry Christmas.

( Filtered to River Song )
And you said I didn't get you anything good for Christmas.

Well, this is certainly an interesting turn of events. Would someone be so kind as to tell me what I'm doing here? And where exactly here is?

And here I was, thinking this place was just a bad dream. So, who's still knocking about this place? Emma? The Harvelle super sisters? Nate? You up to date, or am I going to have to keep my mouth shut about some things?

There's a fuzzy green guy downtime dressed up as Santa trying to steal Christmas decorations from the stores, with his dog, who he's got dressed like a reindeer. I tried to arrest him, but he got away.

Well, since this gash in my arm hasn't healed yet and it's beginning to really hurt like a bitch, I'm going to assume that we're all back to the way we were before. Looks like I'll be swinging by the Clinic for some stitches after I drop this idiot off at the station. Have to make a mental note to be more vigilant again when fighting crime. I kind of got used to the whole healing right away with no pain thing that I'm afraid I got a little careless over the last two weeks. Ollie would probably kick my ass if he knew that.

I don't know what's going on, but someone had better tell me where I am, how I got here and where my daughter is. I don't have time for a detour.

Something is wrong. I want to hurt I am having urges that I shouldn't be. I haven't figured out what I got saddled with, if anything, but I am starting to feel as though it may be more complicated than most.

Well, that answers that.

It's good to be back.

Anybody miss me?

Did Jo ever

( Belle sounds confused )

What's going on? Rumplestiltskin? Are you here? Did you...

( a pause )

Oh my goodness...this library is beautiful...

( another pause, and then a shocked gasp )

What...let go of me. I said let go!

( the sound of the doors opening )

Thank you. You know...you didn't have to carry me. I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own.

What is this place?

...If the enchanted forest and Neverland are actually real places, I guess I shouldn't be so surprised that this place really is real, and not just some sleep-deprived dream.

Looks like I'm going to be here for awhile, then. First things first. Stopping by the police station and seeing about getting my job back. Boss, you still here? Roy? Ester? Anyone?

Davi....Charming? This doesn't feel right. I thought for sure that purple cloud would take us... [The sound of the Knights waking up is heard and they begin walking towards Mary Margaret]

Who're you and where am I? Where's Charming?

[As they get closer a sound is heard as if Mary Margaret is searching for something on herself before remembering what has recently happened] Don't come any closer or you'll regret it.

Hey!! [The sound of struggling is heard as the Knight's grab Mary Margaret, then a door opening and early morning, Sunday traffic is audible in the background]

Where are you taking me? Let me go rig... [The door slams behind her and besides the traffic there is silence for a moment or two] .....what is going on?

Apparently, it was my turn to get one of those little "updates from home" that I hear people talking about all the time. It turns out everything my son Henry told me was true. I am the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming...and I was destined to save a bunch of fairy-tale characters, which me back home did, apparently. It's still a little weird to wrap my head around, even with all of the weird crap I've seen since arriving here.

And Duke got sent home, too. Which kinda sucks. Okay. It really sucks. But I guess Aspath decided it was my turn to feel crappy for a friend getting sent back home.

...I guess I really do need to try and get out and socialize more.

[ooc: Emma has been updated through the end of season one of Once Upon A Time, as a quick fyi.]

Back to normal. Thank God. The last thing I ever wanted to do was relive my teenager years. But apparently, Colligo had something different in mind.

...I need a drink. Right after I start making up for lost hours at work.

Why the hell am I in some crappy little apartment and how the hell did I get here? Did someone drug me or something?

</s>Though really, it beats prison.</s>

[ooc: Eighteen-year-old Emma, after she gave birth to Henry in prison and gave him up for adoption.]

Initial weirdness of swapping bodies with someone aside, this isn't all that bad, I guess. Could've been worse. I'm still a girl, and Esther and I know each other, so I didn't wake up in a complete stranger's body, or anything. And we're both fairly normal.

Sure, I have some free time before I have to go into the station.
( Emma's answers )

Ugh. I can't remember the last time I drank that much.

I'm so glad I have the day off. I don't think I'd be able to do anything with the headache I have.

Days like this, I really hate my job.

( Dean, Noah, Lyle )

( Jo, Ellen, Sam )

( Mac, Emma, Sherlock, Roy )

( Duke )

I haven't put my finger on it yet, but something feels...not quite right. I don't know what it is, but something's just a little wrong.

Okay. Getting eaten by zombies? Really not how I planned on dying.

At least, I'm alive again, though. Is that normal in this place? Dying and coming back to life? Not that I'm really complaining. I'm a huge fan of being alive and well and dying.

[Emma's voice sounds rushed, a little frantic as it comes through.]

I don't have much time. I've barricaded the door so they can't get in...but there's so many of them.

[The sound of zombies can be heard at the door, trying to get into Emma's office, as she frantically loads her gun.]

They got into the station. I don't know how, but they did. I could use some back-up...but there's so many of them right now, and I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hold them off.

[There's the sound of crunching wood, as the door breaks, and the zombies break through the barricade and begin to pour into Emma's office.]

God damnit!

[The sound of her firing a series of shots can be heard, and her voice sounds rushed as she reloads her gun.]

I'm not sure how much longer I can hold them off...someone just might want to get here soon that way they don't overrun the whole damn sta-

[Emma's cutoff, as the horde overtakes her. The PDA hits the floor, and there's the sound of a scream and the sound of zombies overtaking their kill.]

(ooc: if anyone wants to respond and find her body, feel free.)

[Emma's trying not to sound frantic, though there's the slightest tone of urgency in her voice.]

Does anyone happen to know how to defuse a bomb?

Because that's what I walked into on my desk in the office this morning. A bomb. That, if it goes off, it's likely to take me, my office, and possibly a small chunk of the station with it. It's not very big...but it's still a bomb.

And I really don't feel like getting blown up today. So I'd appreciate it. According to the little clock on the thing, it's set to detonate in ten minutes.

[There's a beep.]

Make that nine minutes.

My mirror had no problem telling me this morning how awful my outfit looked. And now, I need a new mirror. One that's no so opinionated. Because I may or may not have hurled my shoe at mine when it wouldn't shut up this morning.

Also, there's currently a small army of raccoons cleaning the offices at the station. I had every intention of shooting them, but apparently my gun thinks that it's not very nice to shoot fluffy animals that were so nice to clean your very messy (it's an organized mess, thank you very much) office.

I think I'm going to go to Harvelle's and have about four or five beers after I get off of work, because of how freaking weird this is. Anyone want to join me?

( Jude sounds so close to giggling the entire time. )

So I came downstairs this morning and there were bunnies trying to seep the floor with their fluffy little tails. So I kinda pulled my shotgun and it told me it didn't feel comfortable murdering fluffy bunnies and, honestly, neither do I, so I put it away. Which I'm really glad for, because one of the bunnies brought me this note. And now I'm keeping that bunny because we're bros and this is the best thing ever. ( pause, giggling ) Okay, I'm just going to read this...

( In an exaggerated girly voice, with asides in her normal voice )

To my most awesome and wonderful husband (...oh gag me Jo-Beth. Really?)

Hey, sweetie (Sweetie?). I wanted to catch you before you went to work, but I had to run to the store to get something for Mom. (You could have just waited for a fricking goose to do it or something.)

So. I've been thinking. About our wedding. (You mean that thing I wasn't here for?) Why not get married on the most romantic day of the year? (Halloween?) And by that, I mean, Valentines' Day, not St. Patrick's Day, though getting married then would be awesome. (St. Patrick's day totally trumps Valentine's.)

But that also means that we'd have to put it off even further, which I really don't want to do. (I may actually throw up.) I want to be married (again) to the most wonderful man in the entire world as soon as possible. (I wonder if I can get a fox to strangle me with its tail.) I know, getting married on Valentine's Day sounds corny and cliche (it is), but it's not so cliche and corny (no, it really is), since we're doing it because we really love each other, and not because we want to put more money in the Hallmark Company's bank account. (This is seriously fucking sappy.)

I already know that no matter when we get married, it's going to be perfect. (Seriously? Fricking seriously?) Because we love each other and are already perfectly happy. (This is just ridiculous.)

But just think about it let me know, okay? (Just agree so I never have to read something like this again.)

I love you. Have a great day at work. Serve justice and all that comes with it. (Serve justice? Really?)

Love, Jo.

( Back to normal voice )

And then she drew a bunch of tacky hearts. Because she's kinda lame sometimes. And now, Jo-Beth, maybe you won't get married without me here next time...

Since it's pretty quiet at the station...and I really don't feel like doing paperwork.
( So this is the better alternative, I guess. )

My wife told me I needed to do this, and I have five minutes, so why not.

( Nate's Answers )

Quiet. It's too quiet. So quiet it's louder than anything. That's a paradox. Quiet can't be loud except when it is. I don't like it here. The ground feels wrong. It's too steady but everything's shifting. It makes my head hurt. I need to be in the black. It's too solid here. Loud where it should be quiet and quiet where it should be loud. This is why you aren't supposed to meddle with things.

They meddle. They always meddle. Shouldn't meddle, but they do. Can't leave well enough and it all turns to dust and ash. Picking and picking. Tearing at the threads until it all comes apart. Just apple bits left. You aren't supposed to play with things like this. Threads are invisible, but they're stronger than steel and they'll choke you if you aren't careful. We're stuck. Tethered. A different center of gravity. Tried to leave but it hurt. Clawing in my brain like tiny pinching fingers. Digging in and stabbing with little knives.

Not safe. It's not safe to wander off alone, he says. But how can you wander when there's no one to wander from? Logical fallacies and paradoxes. Wandered because he isn't here, but can't wander because there isn't anyone to wander from. I'd follow the breadcrumbs back but there aren't any. The birds ate them all. They'll get stomachaches.

Somebody want to tell me what in the hell is going on?

Forcing people to live with people they might really not want to deal with seems a little childish, if you ask me.

Are we participating in the Games here? I don't expect anyone to answer me or provide me with an honest answer as it may prove to be quite disadvantage to tell an opponent what exactly they are up against.

Still....this is the strangest arena I have ever seen.

Alright.

I feel like someone screwed with my head. And I don't like when my head gets screwed with.

So. Where the hell am I and how the hell did I get here?

I swear, if Regina had something to do with this...

Never did like staying in one place for very long.

Besides, it wasn't good for Henry if I stayed in Storybrooke. I'd only hurt him.

So. This a nice place to make a living?