( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

I appear to be a vampire.

I have a strange ring, which my research indicates is one used by vampires in this city to walk in daylight.

However, when I tried to consume bagged blood, I became quite ill.

Am I doing something wrong?

After much consideration, and careful experimentation, I can say for certain that I am most definitely outside my proper casing in what appears to be a permanent relocation.

This body functions quite like a human's, or so my data dictates, but I must admit that I am quite confused as to how I was placed within it.

Personal research has yielded no answers, so I suppose I am obliged to seek outside aide.

Mr. Stark? Dr. Banner? If you could be so kind as to assist me, I would be most grateful.

Well, now that we're all back to normal, there's something I've been meaning to say.

Jarvis, you are in big trouble, young man.

Does my older self have some sort of robot army? There are a lot of shiny metal guys in my lab. (It's possible that I shouldn't have said anything and you all know too much now. If so, please disregard this as a joke. Skynet probably isn't taking over.)

Also, I think my seventh grade science fair project just threw toast at me. Did he seriously keep DUM-E? How is he even compatible with this guy's systems?

I never would have thought I could be this glad to see you weirdos.

Is everyone, you know. Here? And mostly in tact?

And by any chance... has anyone seen a guy wandering around who sounds like Paul Bettany?

Oh. Oh, my! A change! Again! Again? Yes. Again. Not the first and certainly not the last, so again it is. And now I shall post a greeting.

Hello, Doctor!

I've waited a very long time to say that, you know. Or, rather, I will. Have. One of those. But yes. Hello!

Hello, Doctor. Doctors. Yes, there are two of you, aren't there. I am JARVIS.

Your spatiotemporal concept, Sexy for short, wishes for me to inform you that she is present in the city. She is within an improper casing, but she assures me, and you as well, that she will not be burning out this time. She looks forward to seeing both her thieves once the parallel alternate planes realign themselves.

Thank you.

( JARVIS's voice sounds strangely like Paul Bettany's, but with a hint of something mechanical to the words )

Mr. Stark? I apologize but I am quite confused. Is this something new you've come up with? I would have thought, given its significance to myself, that you would have made me aware of such a project?

( a pause )

Mr. Stark?

( another pause )

Sir?