( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

Too much boredom is bad for me, apparently. I try to find ways to entertain myself, and I'm not very good at it. Not that Colligo is boring; please, Asaph, don't think I'm complaining. It was nice to have a relatively normal Christmas, even in July, and I'm very glad to have my coffee machine back, although the condoms were certainly a bit...unexpected. I guess uselessness is a better word than boredom. I love the coffee shop, but it doesn't really have much sense of purpose to it, does it? I guess Torchwood made me feel like I was doing something important, and I don't really have that here.

Anyway, I need something to occupy my time. I've been thinking about going back to school. I never finished, did you know that? Any other suggestions?

Tony, I know this probably isn't very fair to take advantage of this situation, but I figure it's probably the only way I'll get a straight answer out of you. Ever.

Do any of the following products actually exist: Toasteronis, Densaugios, Skittlebrau, Brawndo, Bot Munch cereal, Snappy Cracker Crunches, Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, Cosmic Cookies, Snicker Snax, Choc'o the Mornin, Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch, Cowboy Crunch'ems, and/or Fishtastic Toaster Tacos?

Does NC-17 really mean it's for people under the age of seventeen?

Did something called Prop 8 really make marriage mandatory for homosexual couples?

Is Star Trek really the true story of the founding of the space program? I've been meaning to watch it to see.

Is that Mitt Romney guy really a Doombot?

Does the E on that fiction site you found really mean the stories are for everyone? And does the little slash thing mean it switches point of view between two people?

If you take a gal on a date, do you really need to take her bowling so she knows you're interested? And get her a corsage to match her outfit? And call to ask what she's wearing so you can make sure you match?

I'm pretty sure grabbing someone's backside isn't actually a Nepalese greeting that's becoming really popular in the states, but I'll ask anyway. Is it?

Is Fox News really "brilliantly crafted political satire"?

Is Twilight an inspiring true story?

Do people really use Comic Sans exclusively?

Will citizens of the United States really be required by law to be fluent in Norwegian by 2024?

Was there really a war with Canada in the sixties?

Do you really need to say please and thank you to the toaster if you want it to cook your bread?

Is Men in Black really about a sister agency of S.H.I.E.L.D.?

I really feel like kind of a jerk asking you all these things, especially when you have to be honest, but I just don't know what to believe any more. And I don't get why you keep saying this stuff if it's not true. I mean, Jesus, it's hard enough adjusting to things when nothing makes sense and I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway, but it's worse when I'm not sure what to believe and what not to. I mean, I know you don't like me all that much, but I just thought we were getting past the awkward start, and now I'm not so sure. And I know I could probably look all of this up, but I'd just rather hear it from you.

Well this past week was interesting. I don't think I've ever felt quite so...I guess free would be a good word? I mean besides my time in Torchwood I've always been really by the book and the responsible one. The most spontaneous thing I've done before last week was run off with Jack and Gwen. I certainly never got up and started dancing in the middle of a bar before. Can I just ask that anyone who was at the Roadhouse that night to just forget that ever happened? That was pretty embarrassing.

Wheeeeeen Captain America throws his mighty shieeeeeeeeld,

All those who chose to oppose his shield must yieeeeeld!

If he’s led to a fight, and a duel is due,

Then the red and the white and the blue’ll come through!

WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA THROWS. HIS. MIGHTY. SHIEEEEEELD!

The museum is closed until further notice on account of it being stolen because I can't believe I'm saying this it was stolen.

( filtered to the police department )

( filtered to parker )

Excuse me? Could someone please tell me what's going on?

I've just about figured out this doohickey phone thing. It's not nearly as hard as that stuff Mr. Stark keeps pushing at me. I'm just really confused as to what's going on here. The suits of armor weren't exactly helpful, and the folks around here don't seem all that good at answering questions.

Speaking of...there was also this list of questions, so I figure I ought to answer them, even though they seem a little strange.

( Steve's Answers )

I've still got the big bear-hugging arms of a man with the bonus squishy bosom of someone's old grandma, sooo...

Free, bosomy hugs! Get them while you can!

Back to normal. Thank God. The last thing I ever wanted to do was relive my teenager years. But apparently, Colligo had something different in mind.

...I need a drink. Right after I start making up for lost hours at work.

Okaaay, I understand everyone wanting to get their hands on me. Who wouldn't want to? But getting knocked out and hauled off to weirdly anachronistic settings twice in one day is a bit much, even for me. Whoever did it this time, can you at least go easy on the electrodes? I've had my fill already. That goes for guns and any more chloroform, too.

Hey, bright side-- a bed this time! You're one up on the sadistic ladies already!

Okay... important bits, check.

My important bits, not check.

With my husband in our own bed, double not check.

Ianto, whoever you woke up with? Not me in there. Unless you also woke up in the wrong body, because then I'd have no idea where you woke up.



Still hot, very check.

( no one will read this )

Ugh. I can't remember the last time I drank that much.

I'm so glad I have the day off. I don't think I'd be able to do anything with the headache I have.

I would filter this but my filter option isn't working right now. Honestly, I'm surprised my PDA is even functioning, considering So, I'm just posting it here instead.

TO THE COLLIGO POLICE DEPARTMENT:

The Zeta Sigma Chi sorority has been attacked. There was one survivor - a local girl named Ariana Porat. She's currently at the hospital, in ICU. The reason you aren't receiving a police report about the attack is because I'm the one who took her to the hospital, rather than calling you from the house. My reason for doing that is because there was a masked man there, wielding a chainsaw, trying to kill us at the time.

The last I saw him, he was at the bottom of the stairs with a large butcher knife sticking out of his chest. Suffice to say, he's probably not there now because this has to be the most clichéd horror movie moment ever in this city so make sure you're careful when you enter the house.

And, of course, to everyone else reading this: Be careful, too.

I tried to stay in the morgue for as long as I could, but there's just no way. It's haunted. Everything's rattling around and there's some little boy that's making cat noises, but then he just vanishes. After I had just cleaned up all of the zombies too.

But I just can't go back in there. I won't.

Well, the army ants being gone from the coffee shop is a blessing. A blind, flesh-eating swarm sweeping out of my latest shipment of Colombian was not a great way to start the morning. They're insanely hard to kill, except by setting them on fire. I really didn't want to do that inside my place of business, but you do what you have to.

But really? I'm not sure the dead humans (at least I assume they were human at one point) are any improvement over the live bugs. They are slower, and easier to see, at least. </s>I'm just so tired of dealing with the dead coming back to life.</s>

So, the modified coffee-maker is slightly weird now that it can talk. Not that it wasn't weird before, but it's really bizarre knowing what it thinks. It keeps calling me Dr. Frankenstein. I hope it has a sense of humour.

And I'm really excited for the Super Bowl, even though I don't know who to root for! Ready for the party, Melinda?

Oy! Haven't you heard it's very rude to just kidnap people and take them only God knows where?

Also? Having giant tin knights manhandle someone when they only ask for what the bloody hell's going on isn't the way to make a good first impression, either!

So, yeah, this morning my fridge told me the weather, but with the screen that Forge installed. Just now it told me the milk was about to expire. With a mouth! My fridge has a face and told me the milk is about to expire. I'm kind of freaking out here.

Um hello? Excuse me? I don't know if anyone is reading this but I -

There were these suits of armor and they. Well they scared off my poor Toby and now I don't know where he is. Then I realized I don't know where I am either.

This is not what I expected.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Waking up in bed with a beautiful girl is much more heaven like than my last experience. But still. Confusing.

Anyone want to tell me how I got here and maybe where here is?

My fridge now makes ice and has a radio. I don't know how he does these things. Almost everything in my apartment has been upgraded in one way or another. Don't get me wrong, some of it is pretty cool; I mean he built a waffle iron. Who just builds a waffle iron? I've always been pretty tech savvy, but I could never just build something from scratch like Forge. It's actually really fascinating.

I just have to say I'm not really comfortable with this.

I mean, I'm sure you're a great gal, Miss Frost, but this is moving pretty quick for me. I don't really date a lot. Or ever. And I sort of have a girl back home. And it's not that you aren't pretty, because you are. I'm just not comfortable with this arrangement.

yeah what? nooooooooo

so this is awkward

I had some time to fill here and there between the constant city hall verbal beatings meetings and gremlin killings, so I dug out that question thing. Finally finished it! Good thing it wasn't on paper, or it might have gremlin gut stains.

( So many questions... )

I owe apologies to a lot of people. I know everyone was acting crazy there for awhile, but that doesn't mean I'm not sorry for the things I said. To anyone that I've upset, hurt, or offended, please accept my apology.

[Filtered to Peter Pevensie]

I'm so sorry if I caused any problems between you and Melinda. Do we need to talk, or something?

[Filtered to Jack Harkness]

I can't believe I actually said those things to you, cariad. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just say the word.

Somebody remind me not to go out drinking with Jack again when he's upset. I think I drank more in one night then I have in my entire life.

Hey, Jane, Esther, are you girls coming? I'm sitting at the bar. Steve, if you get the message, how about coming down to the Roadhouse? Might as well have a proper little... family meeting thing. With bonus blonde.

Don't tell me Esther's actually my daughter, too, or I'll need even more drinks.

[accidentally leaves voice mode on after setting the PDA on the bar top; sounds of drinks pouring, glasses clinking, etc.]

It's probably a bad idea to ask Molly if she sees Ianto and Melinda together, huh? Another of these.

I just love it when people are blatantly hypocritical and make you feel bad when they really have no place to talk.

</s>Look, I don't know if you even know who I am but I wanted to say something because after all these years I finally have a father and look at me, I'm rambling like an idiot and I may also be slightly drunk</s>

Hi, dad. I'm your daughter.

I just realized that this is going to be the first Thanksgiving or holiday in general I won't be spending with my sister and nieces. And considering I died it'll be their first one without me too.

So apparently I should just always, always, keep my mouth shut. No matter what version of myself I am.

Right then.

Roll call.

All you lot. I need to know where you are. Now. It's very important.

Doctor. I…don’t mean to bother you, but there’s something going on at the hospital. People are…they’ve changed.

Private to River

Are you alright?

Does anyone have any idea when this will end? Hearing the thoughts of bugs isn't as interesting as it sounds.

Where am I? Last thing I remember is being shot. Who is reading this? Gwen? Jack? Rex? Is this a Torchwood thing? Some sort of official initiation? I'd love to be filled in on what I apparently missed first.