( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

Where is Spike? I tossed and turned all night. I expected him to come home. I hope he didn't run into anything on the way. It's almost like he isn't here at all, or maybe it's just me. After everything Morgan Freeman has done, they can't take him away.

( [John Constantine] )

( {Willow, Tara, Faith, Anya, Cordelia, Melinda} )

[As the PDA switches on a door opens and the sound footsteps can be heard on carpet. A moment later there’s the sound of the PDA being set down and rustling as clothes are removed and tossed on the floor. This is all followed by the sound of sheets rustling and what sounds like someone sliding across the mattress]

[When Spike speaks, his voice is low, partly because he’s turned away from the PDA on his nightstand.] Buffy, love, are you asleep or are you doing that thing where you pretend you’re asleep?

[Buffy yawns, followed by small sounds of someone still mostly asleep.] Not right now. I was out late. {another yawn} I won’t die if I miss first period.

[Pause] Either you're playing games with me or having some sodding dream. Never realized you were one to talk in your sleep. Then again, we won't get that much bloody sleep.

[Loud gasp followed by lots of rustling of sheets] MOM, DAD someone’s in my room. [more rustling] Stay away from me. Don’t touch me. Who are you? Some naked Billy Idol wanna-be! Get out of my room!

What the bloody...[There's a short pause before what sounds like skin hitting skin as Spike literally face-palms] Of course. couldn't let us be, could you, Freeman.

[Sheets rustle as Spike gets out of bed, followed by a bit more rustling as he slips into his nearby jeans]

Okay, listen. Joyce...your mum isn't here and neither is your dad. You're not yourself right now and I'm not going to hurt you.

Oh my God, I’m... [pause] Look Billy, the 80’s music is so in, but that look is a so NOT in. I would never take someone like you home, so you need to go before you get caught. Following girls home from parties is not cool at all, and if you mention this at school - oh my God what will my friends say - but if you tell them, then I will tell them that you are three inches and completely awful, so don’t try it. You’ll need more than just a better haircut.

[More rustling, mumbling to herself while drawers open]As if! I’m a cheerleader. I’ll be with you on the fifth of NEVER! This has got to be a nightmare, that’s it. I’ll turn around and he’ll be gone. I’m never drinking again. [Drawers slam, rustling]

Why are you still here? My life is sooooo ruined.

[Spike groans] This would be so much more amusing if it were happening to Johnny or Owen. Right, a cheerleader. Bloody fantastic. Before you got all bloody chosen. [He sounds as if he’s talking to himself more than to Buffy]

Lets try this again. We’re not in California. We’re not even on bloody earth. This is another planet called Colligo and we’re being toyed with my a god who looks like sodding Morgan Freeman. My name is Spike and normally you’re not quite so valley girl. There are people here, your friends, who can confirm everything I just said. [There’s a short pause] And another thing. No one would believe that I’m only three inches or awful, so good luck.

[Buffy huffs and slams a drawer] This is soooooo wrong. I'll never skip again. So Billy, or Spike, or whoever you are, why are there boy clothes in this dresser, and how can we be on some other planet? Everyone is going to burst through the door and laugh their asses off. This isn't even my room.

[Spike sighs] Because those are my clothes. Yours are in that dresser and the closet. And no one knows exactly why we're on another bloody planet. And no one is gonna come in here laughing, because this isn't candid bloody camera, Sl...Buffy. As mental as it is, this is real life.

It's your room here. This is our apartment.

[Another heavy, dramatic sigh, stomping, drawers opening] So this is another planet. I live with you, and we {facepalm} - you are kind of cute, but not like most boys I know. I might be friendlier if you went for some frozen yogurt with chocolate and gummy bears.

[Spike's voice is a bit louder as he moves closer to where the PDA is] It's after bloody midnight. Frozen yogurt is out of the question. [Spike's voice is even louder as he picks up the PDA] I need to call...of course this bloody thing would be on. [A sigh] Red, Tara, Johnny, anyone, if you'd stop with the inevitable giggle fits, I'd appreciate some help....

Okay, so, as I'm pretty sure most of you have seen by now, there's a beginning of a plan being formed and it looks like we're going to need to step in and help out a bit. So I figured that it would probably be best if, unlike the science types, we were all on the same page to start with. So here we go.

1. We can't make it rain. If we do, like Cordelia said, it might get into the water supply and that would be of the bad. So that's out.

2. We can amp up the wind and try to get the toxin out that way, but if we're going to go with that, we need to figure out the best direction to send it in and make sure we're not going to be spreading it even further at the same time.

3. I'm also thinking it might be a good idea for some of us, again like Cordelia said and wow, quoting her twice in one post is kinda scary and pretty sure a sign of the Apocalypse or something, to help magically reinforce the safe places folks are going to be heading to for shelter. Sure, the gas is probably going to be filtered out by ventilation systems but, well, there are all kinds of crazy folk on the street right now and we don't want them suddenly busting down doors and stuff.

And that's about all I've got, so far. I can help with any of those things, though I'm thinking that the whole wind idea - if that's what we go with - is probably where I'll be most useful. Tara is with me, and so is Loki. So not a negotiation when it comes to those two.

Anyone else who wants to help out with that, feel free to speak up. The more, the merrier. Otherwise, help with securing places in a magical fashion or, if you have other ideas, offer them up. We just need to figure something out ASAP so we can do what we need to do because I don't know about you, but I am one antsy Willow right now and that never bodes well for anyone.

Okay. Enough is enough. I know I'm not the only person in this city that this gas can't hurt and I definitely know I'm not the only one of us who is bothered by the amount of people - local and non-local alike - who are being hurt by it. So to quote a pretty amazing, tiny Antichrist the way I see it, it's time for a plan.

( Cut to spare the friends list. )

I can't fucking believe this. I just don't even know what to think right now. I know I've been called stupid and naive before, but I'm starting to think that I was really a fool this time. Did I honestly expect that he could really change? He told me that he wanted to, but after this...I just don't know. And now he's fucking dead and I know Asaph will probably bring him back, but right now I don't even know if I want him to. I don't know how I'm supposed to fucking look at him after this. I need to get out of this apartment. I just can't stay here.

[Filtered to Ashley Magnus]
Ashley, is it at all possible for me to come stay at the Sanctuary until this ends? I can't stay where I am and I don't want to go back to my place.

It would appear that I only have enough Wolfsbane for the next full moon. After that I'll have to find someplace where I will be able to lock myself up. I can't simply let the wolf roam free, because without Sirius or James around it will be far more difficult to keep control over the wolf the way I can when they're in their animagus forms and I would not want to accidently hurt anyone. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I had heard that there is a place in the library that is secure enough to keep someone contained if they pose a threat to the city. Is this true? It would be much easier than searching for a place and hoping it's secure enough.

I find that I'm at a loss for what exactly is going on. One moment I was following Adam through his time portal and the next, I was in a strange library, being greeted, quite rudely by two suits of armor, which by all means, shouldn't have been moving on their own. After being escorted outside, I located this PDA in my pocket and proceeded to try and figure out exactly what was going on, which led me to this Network, which I'll admit is rather mind boggling. Not only did I stumble upon a post written by a man who should be dead, but he used the word Awesome, which I am a hundred percent sure I have never heard him utter. I assumed I must be in an alternate universe, however then I found a post explaining, in great detail, what is going on. I suppose, after everything I've seen in my life, I shouldn't be as shocked by the things I read, but I can't seem to digest all of this information.

[Filtered to Ashley Magnus]
My first instinct is to believe this is a trick Ashley, is that really you?

[There's a bit of rustling about then a low hissing sound, followed by a young, feminine-sounding gasp.]

Where'd you come from, kitty? You look like my kitty 'cept you don't-

[There's a sound that's definitely feline in nature, followed by another - slightly different sounding - meow in the background. The confusion gives way to excitement.]

There you are! Where'd your friend come from, huh? How'd I get two of you?

[The meowing gives way to purring and the girl giggles.]

You're silly. C'mon, kitty. We need t'go find out who's still here. [a pause] No, kitty! No flying! We're gonna walk.

[There's a loud crashing sound and another gasp.]

Uh-oh. I don't think older me's gonna like it that you broke that... [a pause] Oh well, c'mon! I'll race you! On your mark, get set...

[ooc: ickle!ashley magnus, back again!]

And here I am again, back in the out-dated lab. Somewhere early-to-mid 2012, if the crayon scribbles working out this particular equation are anything to go by.

So. Let's help a girl out here so I can narrow this down a bit. Is Uncle J Mister Dr Druitt still crazy? Yes? No? Bueller? Bueller?

Also? Asaph, don't look now, but you're becoming redundant.

[Edited in an hour or so later]
And the Sanctuary is once again officially a teleporter free zone. Because yes, I am that awesome. As are my parents. Though really. Look at the last name and be ashamed you didn't figure this out sooner.

So. Ashley. A head's up before you trying using a shortcut home would be appreciated. Unless you want to be stopped in your tracks and tossed around like a ragdoll. In which case, have at it.

That's it. I can't take it anymore! Spike, I'm doing something with your hair. And no, this is not open for discussion.

So! I either need some folks who will volunteer to help me out, or I need someone to create a mirror that I can see my reflection in. Either/or, doesn't matter, but this 80's reject hairdo has got to go.

Eh, why not.

( Enter at your own risk )

( Why The Bloody Hell Not )

(A scuffle can be heard, some clanging and what sounds a bit like a hiss going on.)

If you put your hands on me, I'll rip you limb from limb. You have no idea who you are messing with.

(The library doors slam shut as Rebekah is tossed out.)

I'll remember this, knights. Mark my words.

Not that I want to show up being a Negative Nelly but do you think maybe you could make up your mind if you want me here or not, Asaph? It's just that the back and forth plays havoc on my magic and always leaves me feeling a little punch drunk. Which is great the first couple of times but gets a wee bit old after a while.

But hey! Look! I'm back! Now who is still around that remembers me?

This has got to be a bloody fucking joke.

[Constantine and Ashley Magnus]

Uber Vamp, if you don't mind, I'd like to borrow your other half to get extremely pissed.

Well, now. Isn't this a cozy little set-up that you've got going on here? I'm almost insulted I've been kept out of the loop for so long.

[Zoe can be heard singing quietly to herself, the words getting louder then fading again as she rocks back and forth to the beat of her song. There's the distant sound of something - probably a crayon - dragging across paper.]

P equals X minus one, over PX, miiiinus one. If each coefficient is an in-te-ger, when P's not divisible by X...

[She hums softly for a few minutes, the sound of drawing continuing, only for both sounds to stop at the snapping of a twig.]

W-Who're you? What're you doing here? [There's wariness in her tone, then she gets louder and clearly more frightened.]

No! Stop it! Leggo! OW! YOU'RE HURTING ME! [There's the sound of a struggle, Zoe shrieks, and finally there's a loud thump. Everything goes silent for a moment before heavy breathing can be heard near the PDA. Then the broadcast ends.]

[OOC: Aaand Zoe has been kidnapped by an unknown local. For those in the area, she was in the front yard of the Sanctuary. All that remains in the area are her crayons, construction paper, and demolished PDA. Feel free to respond to this if your characters want, but she won't be responding - obviously.]

Somebody want to tell me what is going on? What was with the midnight kissing? And the whole not being able to leave the side of the person I was forced to kiss without feeling like my stomach is being yanked out through my belly button?

Seriously. Someone. Anyone. WHAT is going on and how do I make it stop?!?

I think Dr. Magnus is gone. I thought she was just in the kitchen baking like she said she was gonna be doing, but when I didn't find her in there, I went by her room and it's empty.

Where'd the last couple a'weeks go and why's my clothes so big and where're all my toys and why's there none of my equations on my walls no more?

Nice weather we're having.

Stupid bint nearly singed my coat with whatever bloody mumbo jumbo she threw at me. Would somebody care to explain how I wound up in the same apartment with a bloody witch? And where exactly is here? Now I need to find someone else to eat.

[ooc: Meet Au!Spike! He never returned to Sunnydale in season four so he was never captured by the Initiative and chipped and never fell in love with Buffy. He's still evil!]

Fuck.

This.

So. Anybody free to help me dispose of a body? She is right outside my bedroom door and I really do not want her stinking up the place.

Oh! I should probably mention it's Dana Whitcomb. I sort of shot her. In the face. A lot. In fact, I actually reloaded. Twice.

And if somebody wants to tell me how she got inside without setting off every alarm we have? That would be awesome.

Ok so... any ideas why I'm seeing things that aren't there? Not hallucinations so much as these random, weird flashes that, when I blink, aren't around or happening at all. Except I'm pretty sure they will happen. Or have. Or might. Or something.

Seriously. First levitation, now this. At this rate, I'm liable to wake up not even human tomorrow!

Ok. Why am I in a shop that has quite possibly the words play on words for its name ever? And why does it look like I was part of a three person kegger? I heard alcohol can kill brain cells but this is freaking ridiculous.

Oh! And while we're at it, what is with some of the people in this city? I asked where I was and was told Colligo. That's it. Just Colligo. No state, no country, just a crappy little name I have never heard of before and am pretty sure I'd never visit willingly even if I had.

Somebody has about five seconds to tell me what in the hell is going on before I... okay, not so sure what I'm going to do about it but I promise you, it won't be pretty.

Is there a reason I woke up face first in the grass? It got in my mouth and is terribly disgusting

Why do I have a bloody feeling of Déjà vu? And that's a lot of empty bottles.

She's gone. Again.

I should have expected it really. Can't catch a break in Sunnydale. Can't catch a break in LA. Why would bloody Colligo be any different?

I think Little Bit is gone too.

Ash, sometimes I forget I don't actually have to sneak out your window in the morning to avoid getting shivved by your dad. But I'm getting really good at sneaking back in when I do.

Alright then. Clearly this place couldn't get enough of me. Flattering as that is, can it just make up its fucking mind? The back and forth gets old quick.

So everyone worth mentioning's a sprat right now? Brilliant.

Glad to see you folks aren't walking into each other like idiots. Funny as it was, it got old quick.

Red, you and Sweets gonna be done shacking up any time soon? The customers don't think I'm nearly as nice as you two.

So. Were any of you old timers planning on telling me that you were involved in the Normandy Invasion? And dad? You killed Hitler and just what? Forgot to mention this little fact too? Seriously?

Of all the things to forget to tell a girl, this is not part of that list!

I cannot be the only person in this city capable of dealing with werewolves and I am equally sure I am not the only one with a vested interest in them not being rounded up by folks looking to slaughter them.

So. Who wants to help me try to get a lid on this issue before it spirals even further out of control? I plan on going anyway but I figured I would at least make the offer because I don't know about you people but I, for one, am sick of sitting around waiting on the situation to fix itself.

Well. That was fun in a way that really wasn't.

( Spike )

Just found Eliot Spencer.

He didn't make it.

From the looks of it, he was the Hell bitch's latest v

This is seriously starting to tick me off. And if you need me, I will be shooting things.

( Private to John Constantine )

( Private to Nikola Tesla )

( Private to Bonnie Bennett )

Okay, that was pretty freaking weird. And I definitely know weird.

Right then. Let's see if I've got this straight, shall we?

I'm in a city with no clear means of escape, on a planet that no one seems to know, for a reason that's yet to be determined. Anyone can appear from most anywhere, even if it seems entirely impossible, and apparently on occasion things tend to get quite interesting with various experiments being performed upon or around us without our consent.

How am I doing so far? Have I missed anything?

Wow, this place really doesn't let the breaks from the crazy last very long, huh?

( Sanctuary Group )

( Filtered to Constantine )

Having magic is very nice and all, but I'm very much done with this place. I thought this was better than being trapped on an island by myself, but actually it feels like I'm stranded by myself anyway.

Being able to wash up is nice though. So is being warm when I want to. I tried that apparition thing? It didn't work too well. And bloody hell it hurts. Not doing that again.

Can't I just go home though? I miss my Doctor. Even if it meant going back to 1930 and getting on an airship and dying, I think I'd rather be there than all of this.

What's going on? Why am I here? Send me home now. Bitch. Whine. Moan. Rage.

That's the standard format, yes? Didn't leave anything out? I would so hate to deviate from the norm?

I do have to say the twenty-first century has brilliant phones.