( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

I've captured one of the statues. I'm studying it. And I can't decide which would be more like poetic justice: making it always be stone, or sending it back in time?

Okay. The bowtie Doctor kinda could've given more details on the Daleks and the Cybermen. He was probably busy with, y'know, saving lives and things like that, but here.

Don't even bother wasting bullets (or arrows) on the Cybermen, unless you've got something that'll explode on impact or overload their electricity. And by the way-- they can and will electrocute you to death if they've decided not to convert you. It's very painful. If they capture you for conversion, do your best to escape. Get yourself killed in the attempt if you have to. It's better than being converted. If you find someone being converted or partially converted-- show some mercy and do them the favor of killing them. If you're in a last resort situation and somehow able to manage this, rip out the center of a Cybermen's chest. The thing with the "C" on it. That'll screw them up real good.

Daleks are bulletproof and use forcefields. They don't look like they could follow you on staircases, but they can hover, so stairs aren't an escape. If its forcefield is down and you shoot into its eyestalk, you might be able to blind it. That's about all you can do. All they want to do to you is kill you, and they will. Or convert you, too, which is another way of killing you. I wish I knew how to kill them. We're fucked.

These were totally surreal for me to watch, but here's even more detail:

• Cyberman
  
• Daleks

[The Doctor (bowtie), River Song]
Please tell me you're for some reason hiding bastic bullets in your TARDIS so we have even a tiny chance against the Daleks?

I'm not panicking, not something out of my worst nightmares, nope.

Hey Freeman! Stop jerking me around! Either I'm alive, and here, or I'm dead, back home. Make up your frigging mind already!

With that being said, I'm definitely glad to be back. Being dead kind of sucks. A lot.

So! Come on, people. Front and center. Who missed me?

Hello, hello hello you bright and beautiful new world! Look at you, being all here and meshed together and getting along and friendly. It's good to be here! It's just -- errrr I don't even have the words. I'm thrilled. Nice to meet you all. I--

I--wow, this is unexpected. This is really unexpected. Good unexpected. Tasty unexpected.

I didn't want to go

[some paper shuffling and pen scribbling in the background, and seemingly talking to himself]

Hmm, nope, that's not it, but maybe if I factor in the-- yes! Aha! So that's how he did it!

[electronic beeping]

No way he's disabling my Vortex Manipulator any more... aaaand... there we go! All the algorithms restored, no more burning out... HA!

[back to the pen and paper]

Now let's see if we can figure out the right equations to close the Rift while still letting the ol' girl refuel, hmmm? Good turtle. Tortoise. Whatever. Just stay on that pile. Can't have my paperweight crawling away!

Oi!

Why are you lot so dim? I feel so very, very stupid right now. It's terrible.

And why are all these post-it notes showing up? They have things written on them, if that helps. Rather pointless things, but still.

( Steve sounds different, less self-assured and somewhat out of breath )

Guys...something's wrong...

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Bruce Banner and I'm going to preface this by apologizing. I'm a physicist and not exactly known for my public speaking, but I thought that someone should do this and, well, my lack of ability to be as eloquent as others doesn't automatically exclude me from that list.

So I've taken a moment to compile a list of everything we know about this place, thus far. If anyone has anything to add, feel free to do so and I'll edit accordingly. Maybe, if we all get on the same page, we can figure this out sooner rather than later. That's my theory, at any rate.

( The list )

As I said, if I've forgotten anything, speak up. I've been collecting as much data as possible but I'm sure I may have missed a few things. And if anyone else wants to take the reigns on this, please do.

( Avengers )

Hi, kiddies! We all sitting pretty out there? Not very comfortable, perhaps, but you get what you pay for, so they say.

Soooo. Just out of curiosity, how many of you have absolutely no idea how you got here? Show of hands? Everyone? I'm assuming everyone. It's not like I can actually see you.

Now, let's go with, who here as some sort of major beef with destiny, fate, the powers that be, what have you? Anyone here just sad, pathetic, and normal? If so, let me know. I'll be happy to put you out of your misery. I'm going to err on the side of not likely, though, because there is some ultimate goal to this. I'm sure of it. I just have to figure out how His twisted mind is working at the moment.

Anyways! Carry on!

Did I....was I voluntarily hanging out with The Master and looking at bugs? Did that actually just happen?

Owen, Peter, I hope neither of you were too overwhelmed at the Clinic while Asaph decided that I needed to relive my childhood.

This place has the best stuff! [ voice suddenly becomes muffled, but it has undertones of excitement ] I can't imagine what sort of things are in the forest if I've been able to find all of this just in the park.

Idris! Martha! Thete! River! You've got to come see! There's a whole colony of formica occidua just rooting their ways through the grass, and they're not even bothered by the areas that have been stoned over for walkways. It's amazing. Come see? Please?

This is- Odd. [ long pause ] And not the Academy. Or the surrounding areas, either. It's very...blue outside. Not a bit of orange or silver in sight. I don't remember leaving. Not willingly, at least.

Thete, what did you do? It's got to be you. Nobody else would bring me along. You know we're not supposed to touch the TTCs. Not until we're at least juniors.

Where are we? [ long pause, exasperated sigh, & slightly pained response ] Where you you? Stop wandering off! You can't just drag me somewhere, not give me any information, and then run off!

Or, I guess you can, since you did, but it's not very nice. I'm mad at you now. I'm mad at you, and I'm going to just sit in this weird little room until you come back because this is where you left the TTC you stole. I can feel her. I'm not really sure which bit or bob she is, but she's in here somewhere, and you'd better get back here and tell me where so we can go back before we're missed and Borusa has a fit.

[ long pause before a quiet question ] Is this Earth? Did we make it?

[A little girl's voice sounds far away and scared.]

Mummy? Daddy? [Soft, tentative footsteps can be heard, the voice getting louder the closer she gets to the location of the PDA] Leo? Tish?

Where are you? This doesn't look like home.

Hello?

Wow, that was...weird. Not as weird as a lot of things I've seen around here, but almost more unsettling. It's very disturbing, living in a house with two other people and none of you can see each other.

Not that that was really a disaster by any means, but I assume everyone I lost touch with has come through all right? Doctor? Martha? Owen?

Oh. Oh, my! A change! Again! Again? Yes. Again. Not the first and certainly not the last, so again it is. And now I shall post a greeting.

Hello, Doctor!

I've waited a very long time to say that, you know. Or, rather, I will. Have. One of those. But yes. Hello!

While I have wondered what my life would have been like if I'd never met The Doctor, knowing what it would be like is kind of depressing. There's so much I would have missed out on; especially meeting Mickey. So, as mental as some of the things The Doctor and I went through were, I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

Having said that, Doctor, mind if I come by The TARDIS?

[Filtered to Amy Pond]
I don't think we've properly met; atleast not this time around. I'm Martha Smith-Jones and I work at the clinic with Rory. And as you've probably guessed from my post, I was one of The Doctor's companions. Not the version of him that you know, but the one before. Although I suppose it's the same thing in a way.

[As the PDA comes on there's the sound of a light being switched on and a gasp. It is slightly muffled from being in Martha's pocket.]

What is going on? This is certainly not Royal Hope.

[There's the sound of shuffling papers before a chair being pushed back] This isn't right. These are all in my handwriting, but I never wrote these.

[Pause then another gasp]

Dr. Smith-Jones? What the bloody...that's definitely not right.


[Martha has fallen asleep in her office and has awoken as AU!Martha aka Never met The Doctor!Martha]

I can't begin to describe how glad I am that that's all over. It was absolutely mad at the clinic and I missed the clean air. Now that things appear to be back to normal, what are the odds that Asaph will give us some time off before he throws something of his own at us?

Jack, you have been far too quiet, which is certainly not like you. Where have you been hiding?

So I realized, after seeing various people from various realities comment on it, that the 2012 Olympics that are playing right now could be from any reality where they exist at all. Then I realized that there is one reality that does have the games that this particular version of them could not be airing from. Namely, the reality where the Doctor(s) come from.

And this is why.

That's all. Really. I just had to share. Enjoy the games, everyone!

The snow needs to go away, like, yesterday. It's cold and gross and I, for one, am sick of having to put on multiple layers of clothing just to leave the freaking apartment.

Seriously, Morgan Freeman, enough with the white crap. Bring back summer already.

I never thought I'd go back to the way I used to be. And then just over three years ago I was brought here and over time I've gone back to it.

And I think I hate myself for it.

[OOC: Yay honesty plot making her say things]

A high pitched, electronic, whine, designed to be painful to the ears, carries on for three seconds.

When the voice finally appears, its tones are grave, ripe with anger, and carry the weight of a man who may well have been at the end of his rope.

"Now that I have your attention. I want you all to listen very, very, carefully.

I am The Doctor, and some of you may know me already. Today, someone took me away from a world which needed me, they stole me away when a good man depended on me for his very life, I was given no reason, no explanation. Today, a good man was left frightened and scared, today, I gave up everything to do what had to be done. Today, some has made me very angry.

And here's the thing about me, something you'd have to know if you were going to take me anywhere, making me angry is the worst idea in the whole history of bad ideas - and if you're a person who's stupid enough to make an idea that bad, to take a man like me away from his world, I imagine you'd have a very serious interest in who I am what I do - and if you're a man who's so interested in who I am and what I do, I imagine you're listening - and that's just what I want.

I have been told your name is Asaph, and I have a message for you, for all of you, and I want you to pay very, very, close attention to what I have to say next.

I. am. coming. I will find you. Today, you have made a very big mistake."

The message ends.

Right. So I'm on another planet I can't leave, that I didn't ask to visit in the first place, occasionally bouts of utter madness happen for no reason whatsoever, the guards in the library are rather handsy and not much for conversation, and the bloke running the place is related to some sort of god. I'll get a touch of cash - Earth currency or, more specifically, American, apparently - if I take this device by the local bank and I've also been given a flat to stay in for however long my kidnapping lasts.

Oh! Almost forgot. There's every possibility I've been here before but just don't remember it, even if that should be more than a bit unlikely.

That's most all of it, yeah? Did I miss anything?

[ There’s the sound of a television on in the background, a soccer game play by play filtering through the PDA despite the voices that are overlapping over it. ]

This is Manchester United versus West Ham! This is quality entertainment. And you want to watch... What? The pretty pretty princess network or some other nonsense? I think not.

[ There’s a decidedly feminine snort. ]

Oh, please. This is not quality entertainment. This is a bunch of sweaty guys kicking around a small ball while other sweaty guys judge them for it. [ a pause ] And stop stereotyping me, you vertically challenged dork. I want to watch Casablanca, not Toddlers and Tiaras. [ another pause then, smugly ] Which, by the way, is still a better show than this crap.

Which is basically what all sports break into when you leave out allegiance and the spirit of competition! [ Owen sounds highly annoyed, even more so when he realizes she wants to watch a movie, and an ancient one at that. ] This’ll only air the once, and it’s just not the same in replays. Isn’t the incredibly-old-movies-that-we-show-until-you-get-sick-of-them channel playing that four times in the next 15 hours?

[ Cordelia is silent for a moment. That's never a good sign. When she does speak, she definitely sounds annoyed. ]

No. [ a pause and she sighs ]

Okay, fine. Yes. They're showing it a few times today. But this is the only time it's going to be shown with the little pop-ups that offer all of the trivia for what is, quite possibly, the best movie ever made.

[ another pause ]

And, technically speaking, you're probably already watching this game on a delay considering it aired somewhere that wasn't on this planet. So give me the remote already!

Nope. Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. [ Owen’s declaration of negatives gets progressively more sing-songy as he goes until he’s basically whistling his words. ] I got it, and here it’s going to staaaay. King of the remote makes me king of what we watch. So there! [ It’s pretty easy to assume that he stuck his tongue out after those last words. ]

[ Cordelia's voice comes out almost as a growl. ]

You're going to be king of the doghouse in a minute, Harper. Hand it over!

[ The last bit is punctuated with a grunt as she effectively launches herself at him in an attempt to wrestle the remote away. ]

[ There’s a slight yelp of surprised followed by a grunt of his own as Owen stretches to try and keep the remote away before realizing that that’s not really the best strategy. He doesn’t exactly have a height advantage here. Instead, he switches the remote off to his other hand and hugs it against his chest, the TV sounding the flipping of channels that comes with the buttons being pushed at random. ] No. Nope. Getoff! Cordelia! …THAT ELBOW VERY NEARLY WENT SOMEWHERE DELICATE!

Well, maybe [ a grunt ] if you weren't so freaking stubborn [ a gasp ] you wouldn't be in danger of being elbowed [ another grunt ] in places elbows should not go. [ The next bit is spoken through clenched teeth. ]

And I'm not moving until you hand. It. Over!

[ There's the beginnings of a victorious cheer from Cordelia then a loud crash and the sound of plastic snapping. For a moment, there's complete silence, then she groans softly. ]

No. [ a pause and a sigh ] Please tell me that we did not just break the remote while it's stuck on [ another pause then a slightly louder groan of dismay ] the cooking channel.

[ An equally pained groan, the next few words are muffled. ] Dear God. We’re going to have to actually get up and change it. What is this, the fifties?

[ Cordelia sighs then sucks in a sharp breath. ]

Okay, either stop talking or move your face away from my chest. That tickles. [ a grunt ] And distribute some weight already. Not that I mind you on top or anything but seriously. You aren't exactly on the light side.

[ a pause then, almost teasing rather than actually upset ] And this is totally your fault, by the way. I told you to hand over the remote but nooooo. Now we're halfway to second base and I'm missing my movie!

[ words still muffled ] But I’m comfy. [ which is complete and total bullshit since he’s shifting his weight a split second later since he’s kinda putting pressure on uncomfortable areas with the way he landed. ] And we could always round third, just to even things out. [ the words are playful, teasing, but not in the tone of someone who expects his offer to get rejected. ] It’s not like we can fall off the couch a second time.

[ There's a brief pause then Cordelia's own tone loses any semblance of mocking or hostility, even the teasing kind. ]

Well. Considering we've more than rounded third in the bed, on the couch, not to mention the table and counters, I guess the floor would be somewhere new and different. [ there's a bit of shuffling around as she tries to get more comfortable then she's clearly smirking ]

But then I get to watch my movie.

[ annoyed huff that’s not really all that annoyed. ] The things I do for you, woman. [ the sound of a kiss, slow, lingering, and passionate all at the same time, before Owen speaks again, a smirk evident in his voice. ] But you get to change the channel.

Well, since Jack and Rose did it....

( More insight into Ianto? )

Jack did it so I guess I have to.

( Rose's Answers )

( Waiting on an oven to preheat and whoever came up with this one must like elbows. )

Right then. That was fun...for a given definition of the word fun...one that doesn't mean fun at all. So maybe I should use a different word.

Anyway, that's done, so I think I'm going to go out and explore a bit. Let the old girl stretch her legs. Well, metaphorical legs. She doesn't so much have legs...any more. Just boxy bits. River, dear, would you like to come along? You've been quiet since that whole murderous psychopath kafuffle.

I see there's a lot of superheros about. Not sure how that bodes for whatever is coming up around here. But at least we'll be prepared.

Zoe! I have a thing. And it has equations. And I thought you might like to see it. Since you like equations so much and you're really the only one who can even hope to keep up with me.

Just FYI, nobody is allowed to mention the last few weeks to me. Ever. And if I hear anything even remotely resembling the words adorable, precious, sweet, or darling, I will shoot you.

[ Cordelia ]
100% back to normal and moving myself off the couch.

Well. This is different.

Well, that was weird. Glad to be back to my normal age. So glad to have those memories nice and fresh.

Melinda, thank you so much for being understanding and letting me stay with you. I think I should be going home now, though.

Jack, where are you? It doesn't look like anyone's been in our room for awhile.

[Accidental fail!filter, meant for the Doctor and Rose]

I am so sorry.

I don't know if it matters or makes a difference now.

But I know no one apologised before, and I'm the only one left to do it.

[ stunned sputtering ] This is- This- What? Tosh?

[ voice drops til where it's obvious he's only speaking to himself ] Still in one piece. Rather nice flat. All and all, it could be worse. Just breathe, Owen. Breathe. The team will find you. They will. They'll come and find you and figure out...why you have ladies' underthings hanging in your bathroom. Well, obviously not...your bathroom. Not your flat. Nice flat but not yours.

So you've randomly appeared in some lady's flat. That isn't going to seem dodgy in any way. Or be difficult to explain to the cops. You see, I was just minding my own business, officer, doing some work at the super secret government alien detection agency that I work at, when all of a sudden, I just got plopped down into the bed of this unsuspecting young lady. Nothing hinky going on here. Honest.

[ heavy exhale and nervous laughter ] Oh, I am so dead.

No. No, no, no, NO!

THIS ISN'T FUNNY! I WANT MY BODY BACK! RIGHT NOW!

Okay... important bits, check.

My important bits, not check.

With my husband in our own bed, double not check.

Ianto, whoever you woke up with? Not me in there. Unless you also woke up in the wrong body, because then I'd have no idea where you woke up.



Still hot, very check.

( Well, why not... )

( I'm A Little Late )

( Why not? It was a little amusing. )

I'll admit, sometimes it's hard not to be jealous of some people here in Colligo, and what they can do. But after seeing what happens when they lose their abilities, I think I'm a little bit happier with the status quo.

So since it appears that I may be stuck here for awhile, I figure I should do something other than sitting around. There wouldn't happen to be a clinic or a hospital that is looking for a doctor, would there? I'm highly trained in both human and alien physiology.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think this had something to do with The Doctor, but that's impossible. So, if anyone is reading this, could you fill me in on what's going on and how I get home.