( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

So, yeah, this morning my fridge told me the weather, but with the screen that Forge installed. Just now it told me the milk was about to expire. With a mouth! My fridge has a face and told me the milk is about to expire. I'm kind of freaking out here.

There are squirrels in our apartment. Doing the dishes.

And my son is having a conversation with my french fry maker.

Normally, I'd say it was just my pregnancy hormones playing tricks on me. Then I remembered where I live.

Clever, Morgan Freeman. Really clever.

...Though I admit, having forest animals so willing to do household chores really isn't a bad thing. Means I don't have to do it.

Jasper, Alice, before you say anything, I had nothing to do with the chipmunks currently doing our laundry. I just walked in, and there they were, folding to their tiny little hearts content.

Also, our coffee pot is cranky.

So while the cuddly forest animals are cleaning my apartment, I'll just do this. Everyone else already has. And I'm bored.
( Why the heck not? )

I think some birds are trying to kill me. I know how that sounds but they opened the patio doors and, when I ran into the closet, they started trying to open that too. And they have a newspaper. Why do birds have a newspaper?

( Jude sounds so close to giggling the entire time. )

So I came downstairs this morning and there were bunnies trying to seep the floor with their fluffy little tails. So I kinda pulled my shotgun and it told me it didn't feel comfortable murdering fluffy bunnies and, honestly, neither do I, so I put it away. Which I'm really glad for, because one of the bunnies brought me this note. And now I'm keeping that bunny because we're bros and this is the best thing ever. ( pause, giggling ) Okay, I'm just going to read this...

( In an exaggerated girly voice, with asides in her normal voice )

To my most awesome and wonderful husband (...oh gag me Jo-Beth. Really?)

Hey, sweetie (Sweetie?). I wanted to catch you before you went to work, but I had to run to the store to get something for Mom. (You could have just waited for a fricking goose to do it or something.)

So. I've been thinking. About our wedding. (You mean that thing I wasn't here for?) Why not get married on the most romantic day of the year? (Halloween?) And by that, I mean, Valentines' Day, not St. Patrick's Day, though getting married then would be awesome. (St. Patrick's day totally trumps Valentine's.)

But that also means that we'd have to put it off even further, which I really don't want to do. (I may actually throw up.) I want to be married (again) to the most wonderful man in the entire world as soon as possible. (I wonder if I can get a fox to strangle me with its tail.) I know, getting married on Valentine's Day sounds corny and cliche (it is), but it's not so cliche and corny (no, it really is), since we're doing it because we really love each other, and not because we want to put more money in the Hallmark Company's bank account. (This is seriously fucking sappy.)

I already know that no matter when we get married, it's going to be perfect. (Seriously? Fricking seriously?) Because we love each other and are already perfectly happy. (This is just ridiculous.)

But just think about it let me know, okay? (Just agree so I never have to read something like this again.)

I love you. Have a great day at work. Serve justice and all that comes with it. (Serve justice? Really?)

Love, Jo.

( Back to normal voice )

And then she drew a bunch of tacky hearts. Because she's kinda lame sometimes. And now, Jo-Beth, maybe you won't get married without me here next time...

My mirror had no problem telling me this morning how awful my outfit looked. And now, I need a new mirror. One that's no so opinionated. Because I may or may not have hurled my shoe at mine when it wouldn't shut up this morning.

Also, there's currently a small army of raccoons cleaning the offices at the station. I had every intention of shooting them, but apparently my gun thinks that it's not very nice to shoot fluffy animals that were so nice to clean your very messy (it's an organized mess, thank you very much) office.

I think I'm going to go to Harvelle's and have about four or five beers after I get off of work, because of how freaking weird this is. Anyone want to join me?

Okay. I've seen a lot of pretty freaking weird stuff, living in Sunnydale.

...But really? Birds cleaning the kitchen and making breakfast? I'm not sure whether I need to call animal control, or compliment them on their pancake making skills.

Also, Buffy, the blender's feeling very rude this morning. Just an FYI.

Even my toaster thinks I need anger management.

Because apparently, there's something very rude about shifting into a giant wolf to chase the rodents you found cleaning your apartment at the crack of dawn out so you can go back to sleep.

Probably didn't help my case when I threatened to throw it out the window if it didn't stop lecturing me on my manners.

I don't think the ducks that tried cleaning my room this morning realized that I had a pet dinosaur.

I stopped Old Lace before she could eat them, but I really feel bad for those poor ducks. They were only trying to help.

I admit, I did find it weird when my hair dryer started to have a conversation with me this morning.

But that was until I found the talking solo cups at the store.

I think I might teach them to sing "Red Solo Cup", purely for my own amusement.

....Are animals with a desire to clean people's rooms and talking kitchen appliances normal around here?

Because there's two deer attempting to clean my room, and my mirror informed me that I don't wear enough bright colors.

Daddy? There's a bunch of bunnies cleaning the living room.

Can I keep one? They're cute!

I think class is going to be a little delayed this morning.

On account of the squirrels cleaning my classroom.

I'm kind of glad that random woodland creatures decided to clean my apartment today. Because I really just feel like having a peanut butter and pickle sandwich, fritos, and chocolate ice cream, and doing absolutely nothing today.

Also? My couch seems to enjoy soap operas. It knows a lot about General Hospital.

My jewelry just sang to me. I was getting ready for work and deciding what jewelry to wear and all of a sudden it was like Be Our Guest from Beauty and the Beast. It was pretty entertaining, but so so crazy! Tom just sat their on the dresser, looking so intrigued and bopping his little head to the music. Oh, Tom is what we finally decided to name the Mogwai. Decided he was too cute to be named Stefan. Don't want anyone to think I'm having an affair with someone named Tom or anything. Now Tom is playing with the chipmunks that washed the dishes this morning. Sometimes I still can't believe that this is my life now.

Why are there animals cleaning my room?

......And more importantly, why is my tea cup talking to me??

Okay so this is a little weird but interesting. Not only did little woodland creatures come and clean my apartment. But my potion bottles started dancing around and talking to me? But its not the strangest thing that I have encountered. But its really getting annoying how when I try and watch some TV that my TV comments on every little thing. I want it to shut up at times!

there was a smilin turtle swimmin laps in my TOILET!

ariel would die if she was here.

There's squirrels in the Sanc'tary! They're dusting and sweeping and all sorts of stuff! There's other animals too but the squirrels are great!

Mister Nikola, can I please keep one? Pretty, pretty please? They're real nice. Honest!

OK this is awesome little animals are keeping up my apartment. Plus my kitchen has been making cookies for me all day.

It's making it really hard to go to work.

OK that's it if one more deer walks in the middle of the road while I'm driving. I swear I'm not going to stop.

So birds cleaning my room, fine, whatever. It just means that I don't have to do it, but now they've nested in my sneakers! And the doorknob on my closet has the gall to tell me to leave them be, because they're tired from all the cleaning. Seriously?