( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

Either all that time in The TARDIS has finally driven me round the bend or I just saw actual zombies eating a homeless man. While I wouldn't be entirely surprised at the first part, I'm fairly certain those were zombies. Unless the locals have gone cannibal all of a sudden.

[For a few moments, there’s the sound of laughter, coupled with the occasional gurgling of a baby. If someone listens closely enough, they might also hear a soft roar of a baby raptor followed by the squawking of several indignant birds, a fluttering of wings, and even more giggles from children. Then the laughter tapers off as another sound can be heard, in the distance but clearly getting closer. It’s indistinguishable at first but, as it gets closer, it’s clearly slow shuffling of feet and a mindless groaning. After a second or two, Meri’s voice - in the loud sort of stage whisper that most children tend to manage when attempting to be quiet - can be heard, effectively drowning out the moaning for the moment as she’s much closer to the PDA. She doesn’t sound even the least bit frightened but rather intrigued and a touch confused.]

Uh, Jack? Did our folks pick up a couple of zombies while I was gone and just nobody told me? ‘Cause that’d be kind of awesome but you really should’ve told me we had zombies living in the alley behind the house now. It’s only fair.

( It takes a moment for Jack to respond to Meri’s question. You can’t really blame them, considering the fact that his sister just asked him if their parents picked up some zombies. Do people even do that? Just pick up zombies? What would they use zombies for? Really weird formerly alive decorations? Jack is quiet, considering the question, then he speaks. )

No. No, I don’t think they did. I think they’re just there. That’s...probably not a good thing. Do you think we should get mom and dad or just shoot them a lot. There’s not that many...we could probably take them out. We’ve been playing a lot of Left4Dead lately. ( a pause ) So we really don’t need to get mom and dad...right? ( What? Meri’s not the only one who can have a thirst for violence. )

[Meri doesn't immediately reply. Not because she's busy considering the ramifications of fighting zombies alongside her twin brother and not going to get their parents instead. No, she's instead simply taking a head count of the approaching horde, a fact made obvious by the deliberate counting under her breath before she finally responds aloud to Jack.]

No, we don't need to get them. There's only twelve, maybe thirteen if you count the one that's only got the one arm and is missing a foot. [a pause] And they're moving real slow. Really, really slow. And you never know. Maybe mom and dad got them for us so we could shoot them. That's something that could maybe happen, right? [a low whistle] There's a good boy, Chomper. You sit here with Gabi, okay?

[There's the sound of a shotgun being readied for use and Meri's tone turns positively gleeful.]

'Kay, ready!

( Jack is counting along with Meri, just in case she misses one, because it’s always good to double-check. After a minute he reaches the same number as hers, and he actually sounds fairly excited when he speaks. )

Well...it still has a face, so it can still bite you...so I guess it counts. It’s just a lot slower than the other ones, so we can save it for last. Because I don’t think mom and dad would let us keep it as a pet. ( a pause ) No, really, Meri. They won’t let us keep it. They really won’t. But I don’t think they got us zombies so we could shoot them. They’d have told us if they did that. Still, we can definitely shoot them and not get in trouble. Because they’re zombies.

( There’s another sound, not like a gun, but quieter, as he readies his crossbow. )

Me too!

[Meri sounds slightly disappointed, but only slightly.] Yeah, you're most likely right. We couldn't really take care of a pet zombie. Feeding him's out and not feeding him would make him even grosser than he is now. [a sigh] Oh well. I guess we'll just have to kill him too.

[There's a pause and Meri's tone turns a bit more serious, although she's clearly still super excited to be killing zombies.]

Okay. I'll shoot first, since that'll get their attention from the sound. Let's go before they walk really, really, really slowly away or we fall asleep watching them. [A shotgun blast is heard and there's a distinctive thud of a body falling to the ground.]

( Jack laughs ) Yeah...I’m pretty sure mom and dad would get pretty mad if they had to get us brains to feed him. And I don’t want him falling apart. We really oughta just kill him now. It’s really the nicer thing to do. Plus...more stuff to shoot.

( Jack’s quiet as he listens to Meri’s plan, taking a moment to think about it, then giving an assenting noise. )

Okay, that sounds like a good plan. You go first and then I’ll shoot them too and then we won’t have to watch them be all slow and embarrassing. ( after the shotgun blast, there’s a soft noise of a crossbow bolt flying through the air, followed by a second thud. ) You know...this isn’t as fun as Left4Dead. They’re...really slow. It’s not even hard.

[There’s another shotgun blast, another thud, and Meri sighs, clearly disappointed.] Yeah. This is dumb. It’s harder to shoot the squirrels and birds in the yard. [a pause] Not that I shoot the squirrels and birds in the yard. [another pause] Much.

[Meri waits for Jack to take his next shot, then sounds thoughtful.] Wanna get closer? At least if we’re closer, we can pretend they’re moving fast enough to get us and we’re just really, really good at shooting them first.

( There’s another two shots from the crossbow, followed by thuds, and punctuated by a snort of amusement from Jack ) Of course not. You definitely don’t shoot at animals in the yard. Never seen that happen. Not at all. Or not much, anyway.

( He sighs ) I guess we could do that. At least it’ll make this less boring. And maybe even a tiny bit dangerous. And we’ll still be able to kill them all without getting hurt or making mom and dad mad. Yeah...let’s do that. ( There’s the sound of movement. ) Do you think this is close enough?

[Meri settles in beside her brother and makes a thoughtful sound.] Hmm. Yeah. I guess this’ll work. We most likely shouldn’t get too far from Gabi and Chomper, just in case. [There are a few shotgun blasts, and the accompanying thuds, then Meri sighs.]

This is still real boring. I bet watching the news is less boring than this. [a pause] Do you think maybe they ate some folks at a bar and they’re drunk and that’s why they’re moving so slow? ‘Cause I don’t remember them moving so slow in movies or in games or none of that. It’s like they don’t even know how to run.

( Jack makes a sound of agreement ) You’re probably right. If we get too far away and Gabi gets eaten by zombies, we’ll probably get grounded. But Chomper would probably eat them first...except then he might get sick. So...yeah. This is probably best.

( There’s a few more shots and Jack echoes Meri’s sigh ) You know...seeing the really slow ones in real life...it’s really embarrassing that all those people die in zombie movies. ( There’s a few more shots from both of them ) Well...that’s all of them. Even the one without the foot. Want to go play Left4Dead and kill some hard zombies?

( Alaric sounds shocked and confused )

What...what's going on?

I thought...

( a pause )

How am I...

( another pause )

This again? Well...I guess that explains it.

Last night I ran into zombies. They weren't quite what I'm used to, but they are not zombies anymore. That felt good. Maybe they will stick around.

I am really glad things are back to normal and we aren't living in that huge warehouse. The big sleepover was getting tiring.

( Justin and Sookie )

( Malkolm )

( Spike )

So has anyone seen the hordes of...monsters outside? There is something obviously wrong with this place

I knew this place was real! I don't know how I ever forgot it.

Doctor, are you still here? Please say yes.

[The sound of rustling could be heard as Melinda is walking back to her apartment.]

Who....who's there? [Shakiness to her voice]

Oh god, you stay away from me [now she was frightened as more rustling could be heard as she was running as fast as she could]

SOMEBODY HELP ME! NO NO NO....GO AWAY! [More running sounds could be heard as well as screams]

Don't make me blow your ass up.

[takes off running and hides behind something, heaving breathing can be heard]

Why is this evil vampire after me? Looks like Dracula from all of those old horror movies I used to watch. I don't have anything...I'm screwed [she is talking to herself]

Peggy, Sherlock, have either of you noticed anything weird going on at the Station? Because, I'm pretty damn sure that there's a poltergeist or something equally as pissed off and ghosty in my office. Now this might not be a huge deal if it weren't for the fact that I'm kind of stuck in my office, because said evil ghost pushed my desk up against the door and is keeping it there somehow so I can't move it. So, a little help would be great.

While on that subject, anyone know how to do an exorcism?

( Mycroft Holmes )