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Accidental Voice Post
[As the PDA switches on a door opens and the sound footsteps can be heard on carpet. A moment later there’s the sound of the PDA being set down and rustling as clothes are removed and tossed on the floor. This is all followed by the sound of sheets rustling and what sounds like someone sliding across the mattress]
[When Spike speaks, his voice is low, partly because he’s turned away from the PDA on his nightstand.] Buffy, love, are you asleep or are you doing that thing where you pretend you’re asleep?
[Buffy yawns, followed by small sounds of someone still mostly asleep.] Not right now. I was out late. {another yawn} I won’t die if I miss first period.
[Pause] Either you're playing games with me or having some sodding dream. Never realized you were one to talk in your sleep. Then again, we won't get that much bloody sleep.
[Loud gasp followed by lots of rustling of sheets] MOM, DAD someone’s in my room. [more rustling] Stay away from me. Don’t touch me. Who are you? Some naked Billy Idol wanna-be! Get out of my room!
What the bloody...[There's a short pause before what sounds like skin hitting skin as Spike literally face-palms] Of course. couldn't let us be, could you, Freeman.
[Sheets rustle as Spike gets out of bed, followed by a bit more rustling as he slips into his nearby jeans]
Okay, listen. Joyce...your mum isn't here and neither is your dad. You're not yourself right now and I'm not going to hurt you.
Oh my God, I’m... [pause] Look Billy, the 80’s music is so in, but that look is a so NOT in. I would never take someone like you home, so you need to go before you get caught. Following girls home from parties is not cool at all, and if you mention this at school - oh my God what will my friends say - but if you tell them, then I will tell them that you are three inches and completely awful, so don’t try it. You’ll need more than just a better haircut.
[More rustling, mumbling to herself while drawers open]As if! I’m a cheerleader. I’ll be with you on the fifth of NEVER! This has got to be a nightmare, that’s it. I’ll turn around and he’ll be gone. I’m never drinking again. [Drawers slam, rustling]
Why are you still here? My life is sooooo ruined.
[Spike groans] This would be so much more amusing if it were happening to Johnny or Owen. Right, a cheerleader. Bloody fantastic. Before you got all bloody chosen. [He sounds as if he’s talking to himself more than to Buffy]
Lets try this again. We’re not in California. We’re not even on bloody earth. This is another planet called Colligo and we’re being toyed with my a god who looks like sodding Morgan Freeman. My name is Spike and normally you’re not quite so valley girl. There are people here, your friends, who can confirm everything I just said. [There’s a short pause] And another thing. No one would believe that I’m only three inches or awful, so good luck.
[Buffy huffs and slams a drawer] This is soooooo wrong. I'll never skip again. So Billy, or Spike, or whoever you are, why are there boy clothes in this dresser, and how can we be on some other planet? Everyone is going to burst through the door and laugh their asses off. This isn't even my room.
[Spike sighs] Because those are my clothes. Yours are in that dresser and the closet. And no one knows exactly why we're on another bloody planet. And no one is gonna come in here laughing, because this isn't candid bloody camera, Sl...Buffy. As mental as it is, this is real life.
It's your room here. This is our apartment.
[Another heavy, dramatic sigh, stomping, drawers opening] So this is another planet. I live with you, and we {facepalm} - you are kind of cute, but not like most boys I know. I might be friendlier if you went for some frozen yogurt with chocolate and gummy bears.
[Spike's voice is a bit louder as he moves closer to where the PDA is] It's after bloody midnight. Frozen yogurt is out of the question. [Spike's voice is even louder as he picks up the PDA] I need to call...of course this bloody thing would be on. [A sigh] Red, Tara, Johnny, anyone, if you'd stop with the inevitable giggle fits, I'd appreciate some help....
[When Spike speaks, his voice is low, partly because he’s turned away from the PDA on his nightstand.] Buffy, love, are you asleep or are you doing that thing where you pretend you’re asleep?
[Buffy yawns, followed by small sounds of someone still mostly asleep.] Not right now. I was out late. {another yawn} I won’t die if I miss first period.
[Pause] Either you're playing games with me or having some sodding dream. Never realized you were one to talk in your sleep. Then again, we won't get that much bloody sleep.
[Loud gasp followed by lots of rustling of sheets] MOM, DAD someone’s in my room. [more rustling] Stay away from me. Don’t touch me. Who are you? Some naked Billy Idol wanna-be! Get out of my room!
What the bloody...[There's a short pause before what sounds like skin hitting skin as Spike literally face-palms] Of course. couldn't let us be, could you, Freeman.
[Sheets rustle as Spike gets out of bed, followed by a bit more rustling as he slips into his nearby jeans]
Okay, listen. Joyce...your mum isn't here and neither is your dad. You're not yourself right now and I'm not going to hurt you.
Oh my God, I’m... [pause] Look Billy, the 80’s music is so in, but that look is a so NOT in. I would never take someone like you home, so you need to go before you get caught. Following girls home from parties is not cool at all, and if you mention this at school - oh my God what will my friends say - but if you tell them, then I will tell them that you are three inches and completely awful, so don’t try it. You’ll need more than just a better haircut.
[More rustling, mumbling to herself while drawers open]As if! I’m a cheerleader. I’ll be with you on the fifth of NEVER! This has got to be a nightmare, that’s it. I’ll turn around and he’ll be gone. I’m never drinking again. [Drawers slam, rustling]
Why are you still here? My life is sooooo ruined.
[Spike groans] This would be so much more amusing if it were happening to Johnny or Owen. Right, a cheerleader. Bloody fantastic. Before you got all bloody chosen. [He sounds as if he’s talking to himself more than to Buffy]
Lets try this again. We’re not in California. We’re not even on bloody earth. This is another planet called Colligo and we’re being toyed with my a god who looks like sodding Morgan Freeman. My name is Spike and normally you’re not quite so valley girl. There are people here, your friends, who can confirm everything I just said. [There’s a short pause] And another thing. No one would believe that I’m only three inches or awful, so good luck.
[Buffy huffs and slams a drawer] This is soooooo wrong. I'll never skip again. So Billy, or Spike, or whoever you are, why are there boy clothes in this dresser, and how can we be on some other planet? Everyone is going to burst through the door and laugh their asses off. This isn't even my room.
[Spike sighs] Because those are my clothes. Yours are in that dresser and the closet. And no one knows exactly why we're on another bloody planet. And no one is gonna come in here laughing, because this isn't candid bloody camera, Sl...Buffy. As mental as it is, this is real life.
It's your room here. This is our apartment.
[Another heavy, dramatic sigh, stomping, drawers opening] So this is another planet. I live with you, and we {facepalm} - you are kind of cute, but not like most boys I know. I might be friendlier if you went for some frozen yogurt with chocolate and gummy bears.
[Spike's voice is a bit louder as he moves closer to where the PDA is] It's after bloody midnight. Frozen yogurt is out of the question. [Spike's voice is even louder as he picks up the PDA] I need to call...of course this bloody thing would be on. [A sigh] Red, Tara, Johnny, anyone, if you'd stop with the inevitable giggle fits, I'd appreciate some help....