( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

Tony, I know this probably isn't very fair to take advantage of this situation, but I figure it's probably the only way I'll get a straight answer out of you. Ever.

Do any of the following products actually exist: Toasteronis, Densaugios, Skittlebrau, Brawndo, Bot Munch cereal, Snappy Cracker Crunches, Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, Cosmic Cookies, Snicker Snax, Choc'o the Mornin, Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch, Cowboy Crunch'ems, and/or Fishtastic Toaster Tacos?

Does NC-17 really mean it's for people under the age of seventeen?

Did something called Prop 8 really make marriage mandatory for homosexual couples?

Is Star Trek really the true story of the founding of the space program? I've been meaning to watch it to see.

Is that Mitt Romney guy really a Doombot?

Does the E on that fiction site you found really mean the stories are for everyone? And does the little slash thing mean it switches point of view between two people?

If you take a gal on a date, do you really need to take her bowling so she knows you're interested? And get her a corsage to match her outfit? And call to ask what she's wearing so you can make sure you match?

I'm pretty sure grabbing someone's backside isn't actually a Nepalese greeting that's becoming really popular in the states, but I'll ask anyway. Is it?

Is Fox News really "brilliantly crafted political satire"?

Is Twilight an inspiring true story?

Do people really use Comic Sans exclusively?

Will citizens of the United States really be required by law to be fluent in Norwegian by 2024?

Was there really a war with Canada in the sixties?

Do you really need to say please and thank you to the toaster if you want it to cook your bread?

Is Men in Black really about a sister agency of S.H.I.E.L.D.?

I really feel like kind of a jerk asking you all these things, especially when you have to be honest, but I just don't know what to believe any more. And I don't get why you keep saying this stuff if it's not true. I mean, Jesus, it's hard enough adjusting to things when nothing makes sense and I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway, but it's worse when I'm not sure what to believe and what not to. I mean, I know you don't like me all that much, but I just thought we were getting past the awkward start, and now I'm not so sure. And I know I could probably look all of this up, but I'd just rather hear it from you.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I despise it here. Of course I'm thrilled that you're here and alive and it's nice to know that Sirius is innocent, but I miss him dreadfully. I know you must miss James just as much, but at least you and James were married and if he were to show up here today there's little doubt that you wouldn't be together less than an hour later, but if Sirius shows up, there's every chance that he won't feel the same as he did about me when he was previously here. I spent so many years masking my feelings and I was only just learning to give in to them with him when he was sent back and everyday I can't help but wonder what we could have had. The last thing I want to do if he shows up again is go back to pretending.

I woke up in a library. I read part of a tie in book about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Some knights took me outside. Then they gave me this. Outside looks different. GPS says I'm not in Colorado.

Is this an Alternate History, Another Dimension, a Bizarro Universe, a Butterfly Effect Scenario, a Mirror Universe, a Multiverse, or an Elseworld? Or am I getting It's a Wonderful Lifed? And if it's a Bizarro Universe, am I still me, or can I make an early claim on Inspector Spacetime? ...maybe the dreamatorium really works.

[The PDA turns on to the sound of a gun being cocked and a male voice that sounds very authoritative.]

Colligo police! Hands in the air where I can see them! Right now!

[There's a slight bit of shuffling then Parker speaks. Her words are quickly spoken, her tone even yet still a bit wary.]

Whoa! Whoa! No need for a gun! Hands are up, see? Pointing toward the ceiling, here, buddy.

[a pause; the male voice speaks again]

What's your name? Why are you here?

[There's another, much longer pause, before Parker exhales sharply; clearly she does not want to be speaking yet she does so anyway]

I'm Parker. I was here because I was stealing that. [a bit of shuffling] Except now you're here and instead of convincing you to leave me alone like I normally would, you have a gun and I'm busted. Which sucks. I hate being busted. Any chance you'll just let me go?

[another pause; the officer scoffs]

Let you go? No. That's not happening, Miss. And did you just point to the building? What in the building are you stealing, exactly?

[yet another pause; this time, Parker sighs]

All of it. And stop asking questions when I can't lie! That's cheating! [there's the sound of footsteps then handcuffs being clicked into place]

Hey! What are you- [a sigh] You want to do it the hard way? Fine. Five seconds and I'm out of these and on my way. Fair warning. Ready? One.

[the cop laughs]

Two.

[there's the sound of a door opening]

Three.

[the cop's voice is low and authoritative]

Get into the car, ma'am.

[Parker laughs then counts the rest out quickly]

Four, five. I'm out!

[there's a loud clatter of metal as the cuffs, once again opened, are tossed at the officer; a few seconds pass then his voice, getting further away, can be heard]

Get back here! [a pause; his tone turns slightly more panicked] And give me back my radio and gun!