( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

Who has two thumbs and a date for Tuesday night? This guy. So, I'm gonna need a babysitter for Lian Tuesday. Who's single and not going out? Any takers? Come to think of it, I'm gonna need a permanent babysitter/nanny. Since she showed up I've been trying to work mostly when she's at the mansion, but I can't keep that up forever. Back home I usually had two nannies so I could switch off in case one was busy. Any takers?

Oh, and I should probably mention that I was practically run down by a giant boulder in the cell block a little while ago. Good workout, but really random at the same time.

I know this sounds a little forward, as I don't really know anyone here, but would anyone mind if I maybe borrowed their shower?

Normally, I'd just use mine, but my bathtub's been replaced by a giant pit with a freaking shark in it, just bellow the shower. And one of those "fish are friends, not food" sharks. No, that would be too easy, as he'd probably let me take a shower in peace and politely avert his eyes as not to offend me. Instead, I got stuck with Jaws himself, as when I went to take a shower this morning, instead of my bathtub under my feet, I was standing on a tiny little platform over a shark tank. Lucky for me, instead of standing there, cowering in fear awaiting my death, I had the common sense to leap to safety before meeting my untimely end at the jaws of doom.

So yeah...if anyone has a shower that hasn't been taken over by a shark tank, and wouldn't mind letting me use it so I don't smell, I'd really appreciate it.

Okay. I can handle the guys that tried to jump me on my way back from the store. Yes, they were dressed like pirates and were screaming about a lost treasure but, hey, if that works for them, more power to them. I can also even handle the poisonous darts, since they can't penetrate my skin anyway, and the boulder because, well, who doesn't want to wrestle with a couple of tons of giant rock when trying to get some groceries. Not to mention having the ceiling in the store collapse around them while the floor is falling out.

But now, things have just turned plain ridiculous. Because no. In no way, shape, or form, is anyone on this planet, convincing me that I've done anything to tick off authentic Aztec warriors. Unless you count the fact that I left them lying, unconscious, in an alley. That might have ticked them off a little. But that was after the attack so, you know, entire moot point there. And whatever craziness the guy calling the shots around here is up to, if he could tone it down a notch or two, that would be great. Because I really would like to actually make it home from the store sometime tonight.

First, anyone in building A, try to avoid the sixth step going down from the fifth floor unless you want to become a walking shish-kabob. Although, I don't know which part was worse, almost getting staked again or the giant piranha pit that opened up in the lobby. I know they say that most accidents happen in the home, but that was ridiculous. One of those suckers almost bit off the heel of my boot and these boots were wicked expensive.

And then to top it off, I was ambushed by about a half dozen guys in suits and sunglasses, who all looked suspiciously alike. I fought them off pretty easily, but I could have done without it to be honest.

Good evening,

My name is Edward Cullen. I'm a vampire and I have a somewhat strange question for you that I hope you will be able to answer.

My fianacé, Bella, is human and we plan to become intimate once we are married. However, we wish to discuss forms of contraception with you. Bella would like to take the birth control pill if it is available here in Colligo and I would like to use condoms. My concern is that I do not think that condoms will work as they will likely break. I was hoping that you would have an alternate solution or other suggestions.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Edward.