( colligo ¬ get collected ) → network.

WHY ARE PEOPLE TELLING ME THINGS I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT?!?!? I'm not a therapist! Save it for someone who cares! Because if I hear one more "But Parker, I just need to tell you that..." I am going to do something that I'm not admitting here and it'll probably involve a fork and it WON'T BE GOOD, OK?!?!

( Filtered to (future)Dean )

I guess this isn't a popular opinion, but... I'm actually glad I'm here instead of back where I came from. I don't feel trapped. While I was there, I could never really enjoy it because I always compared it to where I started from, and I was scared it would turn into that someday. Here, it's so very different. There are still people here I sort of "know". That's nice and familiar. Their history is clearly not the same, so that makes it a lot easier. I don't worry it'll turn out for them like it did. I don't look at them and talk to them and think of when they were dead as often as I used to.

And they aren't the very same people who I thought were my friends, but then turned their backs on me, even questioned if their own feelings had been genuine or if I'd "changed their minds". I didn't. Couldn't they be unhappy that I almost destroyed the universe, unhappy at a choice I almost made, without being unhappy with me as a person?

I know I'm not a very good person. They could've helped me be better. Without the stabbing. Sometimes I wonder what it was like for Mom to consume a star. Sometimes, I think I understand why. That scares me.

So being here, I hope I get to become better. Maybe have as close to a normal life as I can. I'm just not sure how to do that. What should I do? The junk food pig-out was really fun. That's not an everyday thing, though. Maybe I should go to school? It's been years since I was actually in school. Can anyone recommend something?

Melody Pond!

I was doing a bit of light reading. In your book. Not the blue one. The other one. Which I am sorry about. But I was bored. And it was there. And by there I mean in the library. Not that I went in the library. One of the knights went and got it for me. Nice bloke. Excellent conversationalist. I speak knight. But that's not the point.

You were kissing that Professor bloke? Really? Kissing him? But you...and I...you were kissing him? He wears cardigans!

I'm really rather cross with you right now, just so you know.

You know...I've run into more than my fair share of weird things in my years as a detective, but I've never actually had a suspect stop running, turn around and confess that they were, in fact, the person who robbed the convenience store, they're very sorry and they feel terrible about it. Not that I'm complaining, it certainly made my job easier, but still. It's definitely a new one.

I swear, this place feels more and more like home every day. And it's probably bad that I'm actually feeling more comfortable here because of the crazy.

I need to get back into the art scene. I've been drawing and painting in my spare time and I really enjoy working at the casino, but art is my true passion and I still don't really know what's around here besides the art supply store. Does anyone know if there's a gallery? And as much as I fucking hated going back to school I'd consider taking a few art classes even though I like to claim I don't need them.

Sometimes I think I'm going to spontaneously combust from sexual frustration. But I'm pretty sure everyone here still thinks of me as being a tiny fifteen-year-old who's breakable and innocent. Which bites.

And now I'm going to go use the Danger Room for a few hours.