welcome to storybrooke ❧ network community

Well isn't this quaint.

It's probably not normal to have step one of this process being making new social networking but HOW CAN I NOT. This place is super Instagram-able. I never was really good at the whole camping thing, but whatevs. I'll make do.

Also super honored to be fictional or whatever. I mean, if you're with the likes of Captain America or Iron Man, it can't be all that bad, right? I'll just shelf away my mental breakdown and identity crisis to the side for now. Hi I'm Darcy!

Sometimes when I'm eating Goldfish I get weirded out by the fact that they're cheese-flavored, because I remember I don't like eating cheese on fish.


#randomthoughtoftheday #fish #cheese #goldfish #youwishyoudthoughtofitfirst #hashtag #justonemore #okayilied #thisisthelastiswear #yupimuberbored

I do believe the word I'm looking for here is 'quaint', which is largely based on the discerning lack of unpleasant things aimed in my immediate direction, never mind the fact nobody seems to have one bad word to say about my coat. 'Course, a man with too much time on his hands ain't a thing that I've ever been good at.

Now, given that the lack of ability to depart, the small town nature of this peaceful little berg, and the fact that there seem to be a whole mess of folk who could turn you into a pretzel, I suppose this is where it'd be prudent to go askin' the best way for a man to make a livin' for himself. No ship, nothin' to shoot at or smuggle and no honest delivery work across the black means I'm in prime placement for a change of career.

Qualifications include:
Dashing good looks
Quick witty tongue
Good with a sword
Better at dancing
Not the type to make a fuss about nothin'.
Timely within reason.

River
Being stuck in the dirt ain't exactly my idea of a good time and -- though I can't believin' I'm spoutin' it -- any tips for passing the time that don't include sitting on a very cold roof and looking up, would be most appreciated.

We've got a problem.

It's almost Christmas and I have yet to be kissed under any mistletoe.

So this is Storybrooke. I can't say that I'm impressed. Not that your little village isn't quaint, I've just come to prefer a much more interesting sort of life.

There's still snow on the ground...

And I'm so tempted to start a snowball fight it isn't funny.



[Avengers and various/sundry of the MCU sans Clint]

Okay, so I get Clint's in a bad place. It's been months and I'm still there over Pepper.

Fact of the matter is, I'm worried about him. Has anyone seen or heard from him in the past few days?

( they had ONE JOB )

Storybrooke is far more amusing than I had thought possible.

Pluto's finally a fucking planet again. Idiots taking it off the list never made no sense. Screwed up the that My Dear AUnt Sally thing.

Roy have you turned up with powers yet? If they're the power to keep the living room free of your shit, it'd be a miracle. Also don't touch the putty. I need to put it into the windows.

Rogers, you around? Because I gotta ask.

I'm going to preface this by saying Barnes is an asshole and can't be trusted.

Did you guys really fight Nazi dinosaurs? Because I feel like more people would have heard about that.

Also, I can fly, motherfuckers!

You know, I never once thought I'd say this in my life.

I'm relieved to feel the Other Guy back around in my head. For so many years I've wanted to find a way to get rid of him. Or to separate the two of us.

Then to actually be without him... to feel vulnerable. And also to feel empty...

I guess the moral of the story: be careful what you wish for -- you just might get it.

Fitting, I suppose, to learn a moral in a town comprised of fairy tale characters.

Take of that what you will. This philosophical post brought to you by the letter H.

I had a dream once where I woke up in some town full of wacky characters....but that was because I dropped a house on some green girl's sister and everyone called me Dorothy.

I'm getting the feeling that this over the rainbow trip isn't quite the same thing.

Okay I watched all of Emma Approved.

I want to be Emma Woodhouse. At least with her clothes and her flawless makeup and her frickin hair. It's better than Caroline Lee's. And that's saying something.

Also even though Frank Churchill is a bit of a giant ass, I kind of adore the guy playing him.

You know what would be fun? A night out on the town. First round of drinks are on me.

So who's in?

Clinton Francis Barton, you are officially no longer allowed to tease me about crying at Disney movies. I mean, who cries over a youtube video that's not a puppy trapped in a sewer grate or kittens being rescued from a well?

From what I could see, those were two attractive, well dressed people just talking to each other. What could be so upsetting about that? And don't tell me you had something in your eye. The only thing you had in your eye were tears.

It's a little strange, Pepper not being here.



Tony Stark

How are you doing? Can I get you anything?

Tonight feels like one of those 80's movies kinda nights. Who wants to come over and watch Heathers with me?

Greetings, I am Thor, of Asgard, Son of Odin.

Though such a means was not how I had intended to return, I suppose the good fortune means I should be without complaint. Instead I find myself quite thankful that I have landed among such a considerate group of people, people who have informed me that this device will connect me to many of the others of you who have ended here the same as I?

Perhaps then there might be one of you here who could point me in the direction of your delicacy known as pancakes? I find them to be the best choice, when one is forced to deal with a sudden and unexpected arrival in any realm. Your assistance would be most appreciated.

I should have done this a week ago or probably more but I suck at...everything

So, Phil's birthday is Tuesday and it's his 50th, so I wanted to do something for that. So, surprise party. Tuesday night. Over at the youth center for space. I talked to Kitty about it and she's fine with letting us use it for the night. I'm going to convince Phil we're going to dinner, just us. Kitty's going to call him with a reason he needs to stop by the center first. He'll say yes because he's Phil.

Everyone should be there around 6:30 to be safe, earlier if you want to help prep. Bring a dish if you want. I'll be getting Phil there about 7. I just really want to do something nice for him.

Oh! And no age jokes.

EDITED TO ADD: Also, if anyone has problems with Grant being there, you can fuck right off and not come. He's going to be there and I am not kicking him out because some people can't get over their issues. He's trying. He's trying damn hard. The least you all can do is do the same and not make a bunch of fucking drama while I'm trying to do something nice for my goddamn husband. Are we clear?

( Barton-Coulson Home for Wayward Spysassins - plus Tony - minus Phil )

I could use your help setting everything up. I'd really appreciate it.

( MCU Steve )

I can do this it's for Phil I really hope you come. I know Phil would appreciate it.

Also I was kind of wondering if you'd maybe help with the decorations. I know you're good at art, and since Phil doesn't have his cards any more, I just figured it would be something personal for him.

( Pemberley Hart )

I know we aren't that great yet, but I figured we could get some practice doing some music at this. Plus I kind of wanted to do something for Phil and I'm a sappy asshole so I figured a song could be good. You guys in?

I've spent basically the last week being angry at Game of Thrones. So that's productive? But it's summer, so I don't have to be productive anyway. Or put up with coach's summer practice schedule, which is never "show up when you wake up" like it should be.

So there's perks to smalltown magic, USA?

I do miss live music. Wasn't there a band happening somewhere?

I'm starting to think I'm just not roommate material. Which is kind of sad since I think I'm pretty easy to live with. You know what? I didn't want a roommate anyway.

For those of you who knew her, Peggy Carter seems to have been sent home. From the looks of it she wasn't the only one. I'm sorry for that.

[Private to Jane Foster]
If I may have a word...

[Private to Darcy Lewis]
How would you rate your current boredom?

There is a pile of drunk, sleeping people in a fort on my floor. I took down some of the blankets to cover them up and I think someone called me a demolition asshole. I have no idea which one. The cats are wearing capes, and Cap-the-other didn't need a blanket because Clint is using him for a body pillow.

I'm back. It was only a day or so here. It was a little longer at home.

[Filtered to Coulson's Team, past and present, + Fury, - Ward]
I don't know any more than anyone here, I think I came in from the same point as May. I'm sorry I don't know how you're doing, Fitz, but I believe you'll come through fine.

I've seen Nick's bad judgement firsthand. So I can at least officially require all the students I don't like at the school call me Director over Principal.
[/Filter]

[Filtered to Ward]
I saw it all first hand, this trip back. I don't know what came after what we already knew. I know the version of you that's here didn't do any of it, and I stand by what we already established for this time and this place. But give me a day or two of a little space, once you wake up.

Phil's gone. Again I hate everything I'm lighting his suits on fire in protest Or letting Katniss pee on everything he loves If he doesn't come back, I'm divorcing him

( Nat, Tony, Ward, Bucky, Darcy )

I need to drink until I don't feel feelings anymore.

OMG, seriously? How many times are they going to drag me here? I don't even remember that last time.

Alright. Roll call! Lizzie, Darcy, Molly, Jack; where you at? Please tell me you are here still.

So I haven't brought home a stray in at least two weeks and So I was thinking, Katniss has been really great for me. She's an awesome kitten and her grumpy face brings me joy.

So I got you a friend, Grant.

( Meet your new friend )

She seemed sad.

Plus she has three legs and one eye, so you could come up with a name that makes Bucky and Nick make faces. Which is a truly rare opportunity.

Also, Phil, we have another cat.

Everyone is always bored or missing people on this thing. Including me. So screw it.

Top five people in town you'd sleep with. Everyone tell me theirs. (I don't care if they're married/dating/into the wrong gender/from a world where they're actually a rabbit. It doesn't have to make sense.)

No picking people who aren't here anymore, because then it's not as funny.

You know you're bored when you figured out where all your team fits with the original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.

Luke and Leia were born yesterday morning.

I'm scared.

They're wonderful and healthy and so is Padme.

Wow, everyone got all super angsty and depressing there.

Let's change that.

Lip sync battle? Y/y?

Someone make a giant water slide?

A drive in movie theater? Someone could make that happen.

Carnivals?

Someone help me out here. If I see another post about how everyone's sad and angry at each other, I'll do something rash.

Well...

This is rather unexpected. Now to find whomever was childishly toying with the spell. I don't suppose anyone could just tell me...

I need a drink.

I mean I have a drink. I've had several drinks. Lots and lots of drinks.

The people in this bar are really quite nice. It looked a bit dodgy, but I think I like it here.

But yes. Where was I?

Right. I need another drink. And probably a few more after that.

Because everything's gone to utter shit right now and I just want things to go back to when they made sense and it wasn't all awful.

And I miss my mum.

I'm going to need several strong drinks.

Hey members of band I started: We're having band practice on Wednesdays. At like.. 7:30.

We can just jam and figure out what sounds good.

Edit: We should totally have a lip-syncing battle. That would be awesome.

Happy Star Wars Day, Anakin and Padme. Even if it's weird you look like Jane. And that I'm talking to people from Star Wars on Star Wars Day.

May the Fourth be with you all.

Dear All:

It has come to my attention that GIF wars are hilarious.

It has also come to my attention that I haven't started one in a while.



There we go. Have at it.

Your kind, benevolent, and resident asshole,

Tony Stark

That portal was fascinating - I wish I'd gotten a better look at it, but I don't suppose there's a way to replicate it if we're really stuck here? Do people come through at the same place every time, or is it random? Is there any observation set up to measure this?

Is this still Earth?

Anybody out there want to pick up some money babysitting? I need someone to watch my daughter Judith for a few hours sometime soon. I'm not going to be the type of dad that leaves it to her older brother to watch her all the time when I go out

And before I forget - anybody know who I need to talk to about maybe moving into a three bedroom apartment? I've got Carl and Judith both with me and they need their own rooms and while I don't mind sleeping on the couch if I have to I don't want to if I can avoid it.

[Melissa McCall]

So assuming I can find a babysitter for a night - do you want to go to dinner sometime soon? Maybe watch a movie if we can find one we want to see?

[Carl Grimes]

No you're not allowed to volunteer to babysit her. I know you love your sister and don't mind watching her but you deserve a night off.

It's such a shame that Peggy's gone. I really did quite like her. She was a good friend. I've never had many female friends, so it was nice to have one with Skye gone. Still, it is comforting to know that she was happy and had a good life.

And it's good having Steve and Natasha back. I was worried about them.

( Sam )

I was wondering, now that Steve and Natasha have verified that you are, in fact, not Hydra, if you'd like me to show you around.

Not that I thought you might be Hydra. But Agent Coulson can be rather protective. And I don't think he would have liked me spending too much time with you. He was already a bit cross about me checking in on Bucky.

( Fitz )

I told Steve that I would talk to you about working to see if there's any remaining conditioning in Bucky's system that Pierce could use if he showed up. It is, of course, up to Bucky if we actually do anything, but I thought you would want to know.

I just want to help him, if we can. He's been through so much.

Sam seems nice, doesn't he? Just...as a person.

( Bucky )

See? I told you he'd be back.

I am worried about him though. He seems different.

So like, things I've learned from reading the network and life in Storybrooke lately:

1. There are not enough reasons for light shows in town and that physically hurts me, kay?


2. HYDRA sucks in every reality.


3. People miss stuff and no I totally don't blame them. I mean, I miss Xavier's and all that comes with it. So I get it.


4. Holidays. They sure do exist.


5. Look at the person to your left. Look at the one to the right. Chances are, they are HYDRA. Or, you know, not really, but that's the topic of the month so you'll probably accuse them of being HYDRA even if you don't know what it is. (You don't wanna be HYDRA, kids. You just don't. It'll lead to bad things. Like hot plasma bursts to your face bad.)


6. Some of us are bored.


7. I'm feeling antsy. This is not a good thing. Things happen.


8. No, seriously, HYDRA blows. Their color scheme sucks. So does their theme. Their leaders. Their plans. And their faces. Those really epically suck.


9. Storybrooke needs a mall. Badly. I'll even take out the forest for you if you just give me build one.


10. I think I'm the only person who doesn't watch Game of Thrones and it makes me feel special.

Long story short: HYDRA= Bad. BETRAYAL. BE...TRAYAL. What's a paladin? Everyone forgets that there is magic in Storybrooke and no one gets any truth serum or truth spells to see who is honest or not and instead they get all paranoid and panicky because that totally fixes all the things. People take sides and there are OPINIONS. And FACTS. And DRAMA. Storybrooke quickly implodes from the infighting and only one adult is left standing as the victor. Unfortunately, that person is also left with all the kids in Storybrooke, because someone will have selflessly sacrificed their life to keep them safe. So congrats, oh mighty victor of the Storybrooke HYDRA Incident. It's a boy! And a girl! And well.. repeat that until all the kids are counted up. Start saving your cash, because college tuition is gonna be a bitch.

The End.

Any of you people play an instrument or belong in a band?

[Filtered Away from Clint and Phil]

Okay. So. That whole Fuck/Marry/Kill game that shall not be spoken about (seriously. You group who said that you'd rather kill me? You really don't know what you're missing by not picking 'fuck'. Just sayin'.) seems that it's also brought about a little engagement.

Because, well, who are we kidding? Of course Clint and Phil would get engaged in the weirdest possible way.

BUT. I believe that means an engagement party is in order. A surprise party, because who wants to have something planned out?

Will be this Thursday. Location to be announced when Pepper figures out a venue

BYOB.

Hah. Kidding. It's a Stark Party. Of course there will be booze aplenty. Duh.

Be there. That is all.
[/filter]

[Filtered to Pepper]
Hey babe. I love you. Have I mentioned that lately? Because I do. Look, even said it without prompting!

Nope. Don't want anything and not pre-emptively apologizing for anything I may be doing in the future.

Except for the part where I just announced a surprise party and need you to plan it. So... right. Go work your magic!
[/filter]

( Cut for CA:TWS Spoilers )

I am not sure how I have been in Storybrooke for this long and have just now discovered the wonderfulness that is bacon on a cheeseburger.

Darcy, I blame you for my lack of knowledge in this department.

And what is the procedure for when a woman gives birth here? I am not exactly sure when Padme is due to have the children, but I would like to know what is done here, when that time comes.

Well that game backfired and just made me depressed.

Who wants to go out and get drunk? No one who's going to be sappy or in a relationship. Cause fuck that.

Mermaid anatomy, how does it work?
And to anyone going to school around here, do they teach that stuff in class here? Because, seriously, pretty sure fairytale anatomy should be on the regular curriculum in these parts. Where are the lessons on unicorn anatomy? Centaurs? Dragons? How do they work? How does any of this stuff work with each other? Death, dying, breathing, reproduction, the whole nine yards! You're letting me down, Storybrooke. The school board should really start thinking about these things. I don't have kids but can I join the PTA or something and bring this stuff up? Just think about it! Knowledge is power or something like that.

...I'm bored okay? It's this or I start waking up people in the middle of the night with light shows made of awesome. Pretty sure that one would have me in jail for disturbing the peace and I don't think anyone is gonna spring for my bail.

Boredom.

Let's play Fuck/Marry/Kill.

Either just pick someone, anyone for each category or give each other three names and stick them in the categories.

You guys know how to play, right?

I'll start.

Fuck: Raylan Givens. Because of reasons.
Marry: Clark Kent
Kill: Clint, if only because if I put him in the other categories, I might get shanked or something.

Your turn.

All right. I'm just going to come out and say it, because nobody else is.

You guys from that other world need adult supervision.

I mean, our Clint seems more mature than 90% of you, and I'm pretty sure he's organizing a party to celebrate grounding his kid like it's some grown up right of passage.

I've had better trips home. Though this place being real is actually a relief, I just thought I was having unusually vivid and incredibly inappropriate dreams.

Everyone still here?

[SHIELD]
Everyone all right and not dying, tortured, or mind controlled?
[/SHIELD]

[MCU Clint]
I'm sorry.

Wait, you do remember me being here, don't you?

((There is likely to be Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. spoilers in the comments!))