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So, apparently, weird gay porn books aren't just about dinosaurs anymore. There's totally a book about gay sex with...the concept of money? Giant coins with your own face? British mistakes? Who even knows.

Tommy. Are you going to write lesbian money porn now? Because I think it would be hilarious.

Oh! So, F/M/K, Civil War Edition. Steve Rogers, Tony Stark or T'Challa. Let's see if Rogers or Stark cry when people choose to kill them. Because let's be honest here, nobody's choosing to kill T'Challa.

Also, feel free to torment one another with your own F/M/K questions in the comments. I encourage it.

So. Gwen's gone. Back to her world, I guess, to be awesome elsewhere. Without me.

Since we're all talking about that trainwreck trailer apparently.

Can I just ask why Tony Stark is talking about responsibility and gun control and stuff but thinks it's a good idea to let a twelve year old fight in a superhero deathmatch?

How is that responsible? Did he change his name to Batman when nobody was looking?

Let's discuss.

heeeeey. so civil war. it blows.

but i'm experienced and wise so i'm taking small voluntary donations to tell people how it'll end. or not small donations. cash and objects of value only, no credit or bitcoin or whatever. i have standards.

tommy industries is not responsible for any weeping or yelling or dramatic punching that happens after we inform you of what the fuck happens. it's not our fault that your life sucks, we're just helping you stay informed.

did you know if you turn a mixer up high when you're trying to mix stuff for cookies the flour can hit the ceiling? because now i know that and the ceiling is white.

Small little Maine town. And here I was starting to think maybe I'd just made this whole place up. Small miracles I guess. Except for the part where I miss thanksgiving. Are there leftovers available anywhere because I am starving.

Dear sham government that may not actually be run by anyone anymore because I think everyone retired,

Please make it legal to marry books, because then my nerd-geek sister might come back and I kind of miss her face.

Not literally her face. We're twins. We have the same face.

But you get the point.

- April Parker

i'm gonna write a song. it's called "everyone leaves and it blows". first i've got to learn how to write songs and play music but how hard can that be? i mean musicians do it.

but first i watched food network for like four hours and they made a baked state dessert that you set on fire and i'm going to make that. i'm pretty sure i can and if not fire goes out eventually.

my brother is nerding somewhere. i can feel it. he's nerding and i can't mock him for it.

May's gone.

Fuck this place

I'm going to go set something on fire.

Look, world, I made it to 18.

tommy.

Hey.

So. I want to punch you less than I want to punch most people, even when you're annoying. And you aren't entirely terrible facewise.

Do you maybe want to go see a movie or something? Like as a date? Or something?

spider-twins.

I may have made a huge mistake.

I asked someone out.

I blame you and your weird boy issues.

Francis Barton:

So. I wanted to try this ask you know if you'd like to go out and get something to eat with me. Like. The kind of dinner where I'd wear something nicer than usual and maybe you could walk around town with me after?

April:
So. On the off chance things go horribly, if I buy a gallon of ice cream will you help me eat it?

Okay. Time for a few announcements won't actually matter to anyone except my family probably. But I don't care. I feel like making announcements.

1) Given I'm beyond confused about my age at this point, with all the being here and then going back to that same point in my personal timeline back home right before I get dead by explosion, I am just going to declare that I'm the same age as May, whatever that is at this point. May, how old are you again? I can never keep track. It's only fair, since we're twins. Besides, it's not like my age ever made sense anyway, what with all the symbiote hybrid clone stuff.

2) I'm changing my codename. Because reasons. Namely...

A - Mayhem sounds like a supervillain name. Which...to be fair...
B - It also sounds like a terrible pun on May's name. Which...to be fair...
C - No codenames you pick at 16 are good codenames...
D - My whole family gets spider codenames, so...

Anyway, I'm going to go with Scarlet Spider, because sorta-maybe-clones have AWESOME luck with that one.

3) I'm starving. Who wants pizza?

4) I also kind of want to punch someone in the face. Any takers?

This whole post and its...everything is probably why I have like...two and a half friends.

I get done doing the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life and suddenly I'm kidnapped and dropped off in fairytale land.

The universe has a sick sense of humor.

fuck yeah, i can do magic now.

i've got magic summoning powers. so step right up. twenty bucks a pop and i'll wish your favorite people into this weird ass magic town for you.

unless your favorite people are assclowns, then i have veto power and will refund your twenty.

i'm magic. sorry billy, make room on the magic throne.

Can we quit with the back and forth already?

I mean, I'm not exactly enjoying going back to right before I apparently die. Seriously, portals. Worst trip ever.

May? Peter? You guys still here?

Okay, I'm just going to go with what the actual fuck?

Because...seriously? A magic portal that leads to a fairytale town in Maine? Am I the only one who thinks that's complete bullshit?

( ((Unfiltered, but cut for mentions of adult and ridiculous dinosaur books)) )

Okay, I'm just going to go with what the fuck?

Because...seriously? A magic portal took us to a fairytale town in Maine? Am I the only one who thinks that's complete bullshit?