Well, I'm fairly certain I've not consumed any substances that would alter my perceptions to this degree. Though I have to say that anything that could manage this would have been spectacular.
Maine. You could have at least had the decency to put your little fairy story town interesting. I'd wager there's not even any murders around here. Well, apart from the one that seems to have happened a bit back. It was his wife's lover, by the way. I suppose I'll have to resign myself to boredom for the foreseeable future. Perhaps I'll cultivate a new apiary.
Watson. You can cease worrying. I am here now. And I've brought Clyde. Also, judging by your romantic history and general lack of any sort of continuous social life, I've taken the liberty of assuming you are without a date for this charming social gathering they've put together for tomorrow. Never fear, I will accompany you so that you do not have to expect futile effort attempting to make meaningful connections with other people. You don't have to thank me. Consider it a belated Christmas gift.