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Am I the only one who thinks this is a very bad thing?

Who is friends with Felicity Smoak?

She's back but she's in the hospital.

I really do love this time of year.

I don't know what it is, but the autumn weather reminds me of my mother the farm I grew up on.

Ruth is going to look adorable in her Halloween costume, and even if she won't remember it I plan on taking plenty of pictures to embarrass her with later. I'm looking forward to taking her out and doing some trick-or-treating.

I should probably also take a moment to announce that I plan on running for Sheriff, and possibly making my temporary position a more permanent one.

Emma

You and Neal should come with us and bring Lily. And Henry, if he doesn't have other plans.

Snow

You and I need to have a date night soon, Mrs. Charming. I think Henry's just about old enough to earn some money babysitting, don't you?

After giving it a lot of thought, I've decided to resign as Sheriff of Storybrooke. I've enjoyed my time working with everyone but I think I would like to spend time with my family. With all the superheroes and magically gifted people in town now, we're more than equipped to handle any crisis that comes our way. Also, I'm not going anywhere so I'll still be around to help if I'm needed.

So, along with having elections for Mayor and Deputy Mayor, we will also be having elections for Sheriff.

QUALIFICATIONS FOR NOMINATIONS

• Must be over the age of 25
• Must have some sort of experience in law enforcement.
• Must have lived here for at least five months.
• Must be able to prove that you can handle the job and all of the quirks that are unique to Storybrooke.

My father David will be acting as interim Sheriff until the elections.

This again? Really?

Peter, you'd better be around or I'm going to destroy something be pissed.

Earlier today a body was found behind Granny's. We're working on figuring out exactly what happened so please bear with us. If you have any information, please contact us at the department.

{filtered to people with law enforcement experience}
If anyone is interested, we will happily talk all the help we can get.

{filtered to Neal}
Guess who won't be coming home anytime soon tonight?

Oh thank goodness. There's been a murder.

I forget.

Is it against the rules for me to attempt to use magic to get rid of my baby's cold? Tally is in misery. My poor little girl.

Well, this place is certain quaint. It's almost charming.

I don't suppose anyone has seen a very purposeful young elven woman about. Probably fighting a dragon or doing something equally ridiculous and heroic?

PRIVATE TO ROMAN GODFREY
I'm glad you've got your daughter back, kid. If you need anything, let me know. Do not kill the jackass who responded to your post. At least not until I'm off maternity leave.
/PRIVATE

This is officially the last child I am having. The one time I could use some magical help and magic goes down. What's the use of having magical powers if you can't use them to help people with pain?

So, magic's back. That's a thing.

And...uh...Emma had the baby.

I totally meant to post something or tell people. But...I kind of panicked?

Not that I'm inclined, but if someone were prone to mutiny this would be an excellent time to take over the town and create a monarchy, given the lack of magic and related nonsense.

I imagine there's a few ladies in town who would make excellent queens and haven't had a go yet.

I'm getting a lot of reports that there was a small explosion outside one of the towers. What the hell happened? Was anyone hurt? Who did it?

Everyone is always bored or missing people on this thing. Including me. So screw it.

Top five people in town you'd sleep with. Everyone tell me theirs. (I don't care if they're married/dating/into the wrong gender/from a world where they're actually a rabbit. It doesn't have to make sense.)

No picking people who aren't here anymore, because then it's not as funny.

It has been nearly a year since the portals first opened on Storybrooke.  Some days it seems much longer than that.  I know that it hasn't exactly been [...] ideal for anyone, but I think we've done alright, all things considered.

As the Sheriff, I can't actually hit someone without an actual reason right? It's like the temperature going up has caused people's brains to shut down.

[FILTERED TO MCU]
If I ask you about your world and the people in it, would any of you answer truthfully?
[/FILTERED]

I think I'm going home. This paperwork can wait. I need a nap, a bath, and to spend time with my son and husband. Not necessarily in that order. Please don't do anything horrible for the next couple of hours.

[ the sound of bar rabble in the background as Archer's voice booms over the speaker ]

Just bring me whatever you've got that's strongest!

[ lengthy pause ]

Shit. Lana? Can you hear me right now because I don't have any clue what's going on and I was just handed this phone by some weird looking tiny man, and I'm assuming since I got one everyone gets one. So are you here or not? It says full range broadcast. Wait. Does that mean everyone can hear me? Like, everyone everyone. Uh. Hi?

So. What the fucking fuck, am I right?

So what can you all tell me about this HYDRA stuff you all seem to be yelling at each other about? Generally, people yelling at each other about one thing makes me a little worried.

You find out the most interesting things on your lunch break sometimes.

For example, I just found out that I'm pregnant. Can't say that that's what I expected.

Granted, it was a possibility. My husband and I have a lot of sex, and it's not like we're always exactly "careful".

This is bullshit. I'm tired of this confessing crap.

[Neal]

I love you. So much.

That's why I really hope you don't hate me after I say this. I can't hold it in anymore.

When you fell through that portal, after you were shot...a part of me actually hoped you were dead. After all the pain caused in the past, I just wanted to be able to move on. I didn't want to go through all that again.

I'm happy with you now, I really am. And I'm sorry I felt that way.

Private to friends + Emma & Charming

( SPOILERS FOR THE VA SERIES/BLOODLINES )

She's going to need blood. From an actual person. Moroi can't live on animal blood. Now, I could break into the hospital and get her some blood bags, but I'm trying this new thing where I don't do things that would get me arrested unless I absolutely have to. I don't even know how Lissa was I wish she was here

A live donor would be better, but since you guys don't have feeders and I don't see people here lining up no matter how good it feels, I'm hoping blood bags will work well enough. So this is me asking nicely if we can work something out.

Also, in the absence of Lissa, Sydney and Eddie, I'd like to officially request to be assigned as her guardian. At least until someone more appropriate shows up.

Well, that was fun.

( Papa )

Thanks. It was nice, having that again.

( Emma )

Hey, you.

We should get married. Now. Before one of us gets turned into a cat or something.

Well, my childhood was definitely something I didn't want to relieve again. Though it wasn't too terrible this time around.

[Mary Margaret and Charming]

Thanks for looking after it me. It means a lot. You guys would've made great parents.

[Neal]

Are you...you yet?

Well talking to Blue didn't seem to do me much good. She said that I don't believe in myself and thus no one else believes me in me either.

Lovely. How do you believe in yourself? This is ridiculous.

So...I need to find a job. I've got training as a waiter and bartender. I can host as well.

Any leads?

Where am I? Is this a new foster home?

...And who are these weird boys I'm with? One's dressed funny, and the other one is talking funny and keeps calling us Mom and Dad. I think he maybe hit his head on something. I'm ten, I can't be anyone's Mom.

There has recently been an influx of kids running around here. Seems like the magic is at it again.

[Storybrooke Officials]

What is the plan for dealing with the situation?

[/Storybrooke Officials]

[Bruce Banner]

Hey. I was wondering I don't know why I waited so long if you would take a look at something - a device of sorts - that came with me from home.

[/Bruce Banner]

[Alexander Grayson]
Would you care to get dinner one night?
[/Alexander Grayson]

[Filter: Emma]
Two new applicants in the past few days.  What are our staff needs here, anyway?  I don't want to jinx ourselves by saying we've a handle on things.
[/]

[Filter: Snow]
Have I mentioned lately how wonderful you looked at the Ball?  Yes, I know it was nearly two weeks ago, but the image is stuck in my mind.
[/]

A much belated thank-you to all those who attended the Ball on New Year's Eve.  It was a wonderful way to ring in the new year, here in Storybrooke.

You know I really like this place. It's so much better than Neverland. You all looked so lovely at the ball. I'd never really been to one before. Not just to go anyway.

Now if only Blue would talk to me and give me back my magic.

Filtered: Sheriff's department

Hello. My name is Dorcas Meadowes. I was a Hit Witch in my world which is like a police officer for magical people back home. Since I'm apparently stuck here, I guess I need a job and I was wondering if you have any openings. I'd like to help out, if I can.

FILTER: SAM WINCHESTER

Klaus is here.

FILTER: STORYBROOKE LAW ENFORCEMENT

I have reason to believe my life is in danger. There is a man who arrived yesterday. His name is Klaus and he's not a man at all. He's a vampire/werewolf hybrid who cannot be killed. For centuries, he has pursued me. He has tortured me. He murdered my entire family, because I turned myself into a vampire to prevent him from killing me.

I am human now and being stuck in this town means I can't simply run from him. I am doing my best to avoid him, but in such a small town, there is a very good chance he will learn I am here. Because of this, I am asking for your protection. I fully believe he will kill me if he has the chance to do so.

Someone's enchanted the mistletoe around here, I see. Merlin, please tell me this isn't one of your spells gone wrong.

Whatever it is, I am not certain I like it.

How in the world did I leave Neverland? Pan is going to be so angry.

I just arrested the Grinch. He was trying to steal the Christmas decorations from Town Hall.

And no, not someone dressed up as the Grinch. The real deal.

Aurora isn't here anymore. Her things are simply gone with her. This is what happens here, people just fade away? How does anyone stand it? At least at home I knew she was safe with her Prince.

[Filtered to Charmings & Emma]
There is a ball? I'm not good at balls. Maybe I can stay at the Station so that you can go, Emma?

What are we meant to do all day here? We don't have to hunt to eat. Nothing that needs be done takes more than a few moments. It just leaves so much time to be filled. Everything is so easy to do that it leaves life feeling much more complicated.

I've broken the washing machine. What was wrong with washing things the normal way to begin with?

What is this place, and why are there children in ball gowns roaming the strange stone streets?

Emma Swan, Snow White, is it true you are here, and this is where you hailed from?

You know, I just realized... There are a lot of kids in this town. I don't remember a bunch of kids in fairy tales other than Hansel and Gretel and Little Red Riding Hood. And since Red's an adult here, I'm guessing the other two would be as well. So. Who are all the midgets?

The sheriff's department is extending the curfew tonight for minors until midnight. For any trick or treaters, anyone under the age of fourteen must be accompanied by an adult or older kid. Not that's there's really any bad parts of town or anything, but this is just for safety reasons. Members of the sheriff's department (myself included), will be on call all night in case anyone has any problems and needs help. There's candy at the station, so trick or treaters are free to stop by.

Everyone be safe and have fun. Happy Halloween!

[Filtered to Henry]

Do you still trick or treat?

This place really is terribly strange.

Emma, is this really where you and Snow came from?

Am I doing this right? Can anyone see this?

The magic explanation makes about as much sense as anything else. As far as alternate worlds go this one ain't half bad. I like the free money part.

It's good to see everyone back to normal. I know it must have been frustrating for those who found their appearances altered for a time, even with your friends and neighbors being so kind as to lend you clothing and help you through it.

Filter: Emma Swan

I'm so thrilled for you and Neal! Will you let me take you to lunch sometime this week to celebrate?

Filter: Henry

Hey, you! How's my favorite grandson?

Filter: Sheriff Emma Swan

I heard through the grapevine that you might need some help at the sheriff's office. If not, it's cool, but I'm looking for work if you happen to need another deputy.

It seems like we're all going to be stuck here for awhile. I have to admit, it's a much nicer prison than the one I left, but I still don't love the idea of being stuck anywhere.

Granny is kicking me out of the Diner for a few days. For the first time in...well, a very long time, she's decided I've been working too hard.

So, who wants to go out? Drinks? Dancing? I don't know. It's been ages since I did anything fun.

If anyone wants to return any of the clothes they bought when they weren't their correct gender, I believe most of the stores are giving full refunds.

Or you could just keep them. With the magic still unstable, we can't say if this sort of thing won't happen again, or not.

Doesn't hurt to be prepared, right?

Oh. Oh my.

This is fascinating. Truly fascinating. I mean, portals, as a scientific construct, certainly have their theoretical grounding. And there was the portal in New York, of course. But it had a defined origin, and a basis in science, albeit somewhat different science than I'm used to. I really would love a chance to get a closer look at Asgardian science. They may call it magic, but it's most certainly a form of science. But the idea of purely magical portals is astonishing. I mean, yes, it does make sense that magic, as it were, would have capabilities outside what science can produce but this is all quite mind-boggling.

Fitz? Are you about? Oh, I do hope so. I swear, I haven't been using any chemicals that could cause this vivid a hallucination. Well, probably not, anyway. You never know. That's the fun of science, isn't it?

WQ23245GTD235323214!!!! EMERGENCY. STAT.

NEED CLOTHES.

Several people have asked me if I know how long this is going to last.

I don't know how long this is going to go on for, but options are being looked into how to reverse the magic that's been swapping peoples' genders around. Patience is much appreciated.

Should anyone with magical knowledge or abilities wish to add their expertise, please go to the convent to see the fairies, who are currently working to reverse this issue, along with a couple of other resident magic users in Storybrooke.

Yep. Still have boobs. This is fairly outstanding.

But, ah, outside of playing with them -- what is it you women do? Not trying to be a sexist asshole really, Pepper. Don't look at me like that but wanting the full feminine experience.

And if any of you say I'm enjoying this too much? You're right, I am.

With some of the departures, we've got a couple of positions open at the sheriff's station. Right now, we could really use someone to answer phones and take messages. So a receptionist or two.

Please let me know if you're interested.

[Neal and Henry]

I'm taking the evening off. We should do something. As a family.