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So I was thinking about Tommy's stupid post and how people kind of liked it. And then I found this post and figured whatever.

Malia Hale has a reputation for a remarkable talent at intimidating people. Additionally, she possesses the power to read the memories of others, however she must speak words of power to do so. Malia Hale is known for her marvelous knack at fighting in the dark and she is able to communicate with sloths in any language. She resists assailants wielding an accurate stinger that also grants a startling combat sense and she developed the talent to make hats appear from nowhere. Lamentably, Malia Hale is infamous for being woefully unskilled at seduction.

You know, I expected a cell. Some lovely orange accessories. Perhaps a suppressor.

This is a very strange containment method; although I am not complaining.

And I hurt in places I didn't even know I had.

Charles, why didn't you bother to tell me that I always used my powers when I got into a fight? I would have been spared some of this agony if you had.

What the hell did I just watch?

God save us from white men and their need to be the center of everything.

kitty²

Seriously? Seriously?

You sent Logan back? That's how it went for you?

In the continuing series of "Kittys Across Parallel Dimensions Throw Parties For Jewish Holidays*", we're having a Purim bash down at the youth center tonight. Costumes highly encouraged. If you don't have one, we have silly hats and feather boas and you will have to wear one. There will be a ton of hamentaschen**, adult beverages for adults, and noisemakers for cursing Haman while we tell the story of Esther. Games and probably some dancing later on just for fun. Come one, come all, come party till you can't tell the difference between "cursed be Haman" and "blessed be Mordecai"!

* We're working on the title.
** Delicious cookies filled with jam and/or Nutella.

So, Kitty, Felicity and I were talking and we've decided that given the Jewish population here, having Hanukkah at anyone's apartment would probably be a little too crowded. So we're sending out an open invitation to Hannukah celebrations at the Youth Center. If you're Jewish, have friends or loved ones who are, or are just interested in learning more about our culture, you're more than welcome to come and join us. We'll also be having a traditional, for my reality anyway, Chinese food dinner on Christmas for anyone who doesn't have other plans or who doesn't celebrate.

For those who don't know, Hannukah begins Tuesday night.

( Derek, Peter, Malia, Stiles, Allison, Scott, Melissa, Erica )

You're all personally invited, obviously. I know you aren't Jewish, but you're family, so I hope to see you there.

( 616-Earth people and offshoot worlds, MCU people, Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr, Jubilee, Kurt Wagner, Sherlock Holmes, Joan Watson - Felicity and other Kitty can read )

You guys are all welcome to come and we really hope to see you.

Okay, everyone. Stay inside if you can. If you need a safe space, we've got the youth center secure. Just be careful.

Needless to say, school is out for the forseeable future.

( Derek and Peter )

You guys stay inside. There's no guarantee you'll be safe from a zombie bite. And I don't want to have to shoot either of you in the head.

If you need me, I'll be out zombie hunting.

( Stiles, Malia, Scott, Isaac, Allison )

You kids be safe. I don't want anything happening to you.

Remus is gone.

Again.

I really hate this town, sometimes.

Number of doors I have walked into: 5

Number of cars I bumped into: 3

Number of books I knocked onto the library floor when I didn't phase through a stack: 23

Number of bruises I have: uncountable

Why yes, I do feel really stupid, thanks for asking.

All right. School's closed.

Everyone gets a day to adjust to not having abilities. If you need longer, talk to me personally.

We'll pick back up with everything tomorrow.

( derek and peter )

You two are coming to the Center.

We have some things to work on.

( jean )

How are you handling it?

I want to take this opportunity to teach you to protect yourself with no powers. Up for it?

( the sound of someone hurrying, and then a thud as they hit a wall )

Oww...

( a pause )

What the...

( another pause and the sound of Kitty hitting the wall with her hand in an attempt to pass through it )

Okay, this sucks.

School's still pretty pointless. If anyone was wondering. I doubt you were, but just in case.

[Filtered to 616 Kitty Pryde]
I don't know any functioning adults except for you. And Melissa, but I don't want to bother her when her son isn't here and that's the only reason she knows me.

But how do you make someone's dad not hate you? And how do you know if you're actually dating someone or just friends who go out and flirt?

This is stupid.
[/End Filter]

Magical dimensional travel was not on my to-do list today.

Anyway, hi. I'm Jean Grey.

Kitty? They said you were here.

All right. Like Principal Coulson said, classes will be staring at the Elementary, Junior High and High Schools, as well as the Community College, on September 2, which is this Tuesday. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kitty Pryde, the town's educational advisor.I'll be taking registration for any recent arrivals, as well as updating information for our other residents. All children and teens eighteen and under are required to register for school. Please use the following form to provide your information, or that of your child, and we'll get everyone into the system and registered for classes.

<b>Student's Name:</b> <b>Age & Date of Birth:</b> <b>Parent or Guardian:</b> <b>Former Level of Schooling:</b> <b>Any Special Needs:</b>

We'll be doing one on one counseling for high school and college students, to help them pick classes. We will also be working with any students who have special requirements outside of typical academic programs, in order to best help them. The first week here is spent helping people to settle in, as we know there are often unique circumstances for our students.

Additionally, we could use some more help at the Youth Center, as several of our staff have been sent back to their own realities. If you have any interest in working there, please either contact me here or email me your information at pryde.katherine@storybrooke.gov. We'll be having an open house next weekend so we hope to see you all there.

Thank you all very much and we appreciate your help and cooperation.

To all our teenaged residents, consider this an official reminder that high school classes pick up for the year on the second. Also a reminder that superpowers, fangs, claws, robots, guns, and pets aren't allowed in the halls. Also gum.

[Locked to Nick Fury & Melinda May]
I blame you both for the hangover I had for what felt like a year, just so you know. But for the record, Clint found another home for the baby and we'll revisit the topic later.

Nick, if somehow this town manages to swap Clint into a female and knock her up, I am blaming you, and I will murder you, somehow. Nothing personal.
[/Nick & Melinda]

[Locked to Spysassin Home]
Why did I not rebel against the idea of running a high school full of superpowered teenagers and just go live in the woods?

( Filtered to Kitty Pryde (616) )

This again.

I guess there are worse places to be. Not exactly the best timing, but portals aren't really known for that.

A magic portal, congrats Storybrooke. You actually managed to surprise me with that one.

An introduction shouldn't be necessary, but in case your educational background has grossly failed you and you've yet to pick up the academic slack, I'm Nikola Tesla.

I don't suppose anyone has any insight on the state of the scientific research facilities in this charming, quaint unintended containment area? Or if not that, the location of an establishment with a decent wine selection.

Hi. So. Um, I need to get a job and stop mooching off Jubes, and I guess... I need advice? All I'm really good at is killing Sentinels. And sending other people back in time. And breaking mutants out of camps. None of which really translate to anything in Storybrooke, as far as I can tell. And - you're not me, but you are, so if anyone knows what I could be doing it's you.

Help?

professor? bobby? blink?

did it work?

where is this? or where is this hospital i mean

I'm honestly really excited for the end of the school year. It's been so great coordinating the educational programs this year, but I'm looking forward to initiating some fun summer programs at the Youth Center. There will be some classes there this summer, like dance and yoga and self defense, among others, that will be open to anyone who's interested. We'll also be working with the library to help anyone who needs to adjust or catch up for school in the fall. And hopefully all this will help me ignore the whole Hydra thing. I could do without Nazis in my life

On that note, for high school students interested in taking summer classes at the college, I will be setting up meetings over the next few weeks to work that out. Just try not to stress too much about that when you still have exams coming up.

But back to fun things, prom is coming up as well, and I could use some volunteers to help set things up and make everything as nice and fun as possible. I could also use some chaperones, if any parents or teachers are interested. Prom will be on Saturday, May 24, so there's still plenty of time to get ready for that.

( Derek )

Want to come chaperone with me?

I need to be able to take college courses next year, along with my work load at the high school. Is that doable? Does anyone know?

Because if I'm going to be stuck here, getting some nonsensical degree that won't matter because I can't leave and go on to have a decent job and do the things I want, I will need to expand my horizons in other ways. For a town that claims to be full of happy endings, it's certainly as boring as the day is long. I'm not even hearing voices, that's how boring it is.

And now I really have nothing to do since James is gone.

I need a doctor.

I was a terrible alpha and I'm glad I'm a beta again. I'm not a leader. I was never meant to be one.

I'm happier here than I ever was back home. I've got my sister, an amazing woman that I love who isn't evil. I just can't help but wonder if the other shoe is going to drop. I just can't see myself deserving any of this.

That was jarring. And Lola has a scratch. And needs a cleaning.

I'm sorry to everyone I ran into. I did actually grow past that particular level of obnoxiousness fairly quickly, I promise.

Everyone all right? Ms. Pryde, do I still have a job after not showing up? Unexpected teenager sounds like a terrible excuse, but since it's verifiably true, can we call it sick days?

[Filtered to SHIELD]
I really am sorry.
[/SHIELD]

[Filtered to Ward & Nick Fury]
I'm going to assume that was your money for bail, Nick? I'll pay you back, and thank you both.

Clint still hasn't switched back.
[/Nick & Ward]

[Filtered to Melinda]
Shall we just never discuss it, you think? Except I brought it up. But after this, never discuss it?

Or after Clint is back to normal, never discuss it. Since he may bring it up before then.
[/Melinda]

[Clint (MCU)]
Are you all right? If you could revert back to yourself soon, that would be appreciated.

I'm so glad I wasn't affected by this one.

I'm pretty sure Derek would have had a nervous breakdown if he had to deal with teenage me on top of everything else.

And anyway, the teenage years were not kind to me.

I thought this place was just a dream or something.

Logan, are you still here? And you too, Kitty?

My older sister is a teenager.
My baby sister is an adult.
I am babysitting my niece.

I feel really old right now.

[Private to Melissa]

How are Isaac and Scott?

And here I thought this place was just some kind of fucked up dream.

Derek's gone.

I really hope this is just one of those things where he disappears for a few days and then pops back up with new memories, but it's so hard to tell if someone is just sort of gone or really gone.

For anyone who still doesn't have plans, I'm going to be fixing Thanksgiving dinner at the Youth Center. Everyone is welcome and there will be plenty of food.

( Logan, Rogue, Derek, Cora, Peter )
I really hope you guys will stop by. Holidays are about family and I think we could all use a bit of that.

This place is WAY quieter than Sunnydale ever was. It's so weird. I've never lived somewhere so quiet and ~normal~.

What are people doing for Halloween? I'm late to the planning what to do.

Just a reminder guys.

The Storybrooke Youth Center will be hosting the Halloween dance for students this Thursday night. There will be costumes and music and it should be really fun. High school and college students are all welcome, and we really hope that people will attend.

Also, to any new young people in town, if you need help getting settled and registering for school, you can contact me and I will assist you with that. I know I sound like a broken record, saying that all the time, but it's important.

( Derek )

Is it insulting or flirty if I dress up as Little Red Riding Hood? Opinions?

So this homework seriously sucks.

[Filtered to anyone 25 and under]

On a more interesting subject, I want to throw a Halloween party.

Anyone know somewhere we can hold it? All the apartments in the towers are too small.

[Filtered away from Law/Government]
Also we need to find a way to get alcohol for the party. I have my dad's credit card and I've got money from when I got here so I can pay. Will my fake ID even work here what with all the crazy magic? Not to mention this place is such a small town. Smaller than even Beacon Hills was, I think.

I miss when Wednesday was more of the how is it only Wednesday variety and less the how did I end up in Maine variety.

Laura is gone.
This place is such fucking bullshit.
You gave me back my sister only to take her away again?

Everything seems to be going well with the school year so far. I know that we've gotten some new school aged arrivals, and for those of you not yet registered, please contact me so that I can get you set up for school and caught up on anything you might have missed.

Please remember that the Storybrooke Youth Center is offering tutoring for those students who need extra help with their studies, as well as after school recreational opportunities.

We will be having a get together this Friday night for students, parents and teachers. This is a good way for everyone to get to know one another and just have a nice fun evening.

( Derek )

Would you like to maybe be a chaperone with me? I know hanging around with your sister and her friends probably isn't exactly your idea of a good time, but it would be nice to have you there. There will be cookies!

Look at small town USA. I don't know if I should look for hidden Mickey ears, or check for Children of the Corn.

[Filtered to Argents]
Chris? Allison? The lunatic who was handing out tech toys and fairy tale stories said you two were here.

Okay, Beacon Hills people, that was the only time.

My Name is Jessica Drew. Not Jennifer Blake. I don't want to kill you or anyone else and I don't want to fight anyone else. Okay? Derek is okay. Hopefully embarrassed he got his butt handed to him but he's okay. I have a concussion and worse, broke my favorite shoes.

This is my face and I happen to like it.

Magic Portals?

Sure, why not. Might as well get as much shit added onto my week as possible. Get it over with.

Seriously though, what the fuck?

Hey. Rogers. Elf. Somebody. We're goin' on a mission to find me cigars. No questions. If I'm gonna be stuck here and workin' at a damn school I sure as hell ain't signin' up to stay without a cigar.

Any takers?

| FILTERED FROM CORA |
Is anyone willing to potentially tutor a seventeen year old werewolf with rather serious anger issues?

|/END FILTER|

I need a drink.

Hey, everyone.

My name is Kitty Pryde. Back in my own reality, I was the Headmistress of the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning. Here in Storybrooke, I've been working with Mayor Mills to set up a communal space for all the youth, both local and displaced.

Basically, the point is that the Storybrooke Youth Center will be opening soon, to give the kids and teenagers in Storybrooke a place to hang out and have fun in a safe environment. There will be areas for athletic activity, as well as places to socialize, and even to study once school rolls around. What we're hoping is that we can create a space where the young people in town can interact in a safe environment that promotes positive attitudes.

The point of this post is that the center will need staff. I will be running things, along with my colleague, Logan Howlett, but we definitely need more people in order to get this operation up and running. If you're interested, please contact me here, or you can email your information to me at pryde.katherine@storybrooke.gov. We really appreciate any support that we can get.

Also, classes will be staring at the Elementary, Junior High and High Schools, as well as the Community College, on September 3, the Tuesday following labor day. All children and teens under the age of eighteen are required to register for school. Please use the following form to provide your information, or that of your child, and we'll get them into the system so that they're registered for classes.

<b>Student's Name:</b> <b>Age & Date of Birth:</b> <b>Parent or Guardian:</b> <b>Former Level of Schooling:</b> <b>Any Special Needs:</b>

We'll be doing one on one counseling for high school and college students, to help them pick classes. We will also be working with any students who have special requirements outside of typical academic programs, in order to best help them.

Thank you all very much and we appreciate your help and cooperation.

Gutentag.

My name is Kurt Wagner, but in the Munich Circus I was known as The Incredible Nightcrawler.

I do not know why I was brought here, but... I suppose there is a reason for it.

So. Even though I told her to scram, she still followed me home.

She keeps wanting to sit on my head.

...Kitty, do you want her? I mean, you have the right name for it.

Also. I'm not sure if Logan might stab her or not.

I really have no idea what I want to do here, beyond just really just wanting to do something. I can't exactly just pick up my old job here. Headmistress of a school for wayward mutants gifted youth isn't exactly something you can just apply for. I don't think anyway.

I'm thinking maybe teaching, once the school year starts. There's a few subjects I have enough experience in. In the meantime, does anyone know if there's a dance studio in town? I haven't really had a chance to explore as much as I'd like to.

SO, before I lose my god damn mind with alternate universes and timelines and all that shit, I figured this was just a much easier way to go about it.

I'm Jessica Jones. I have been, in this order, Jewel, Knightress and Power Woman. My husband is Luke Cage, AKA Power Man. He is, the last time I saw him, an Avenger and I have been one multiple times. The point of this post is to find out who knows who and what we all know because I don't know about you all but I could really use some people I trust. Besides Danny and Logan.

Okay. This is really staring to piss me off.

...And you wouldn't like me when I'm pissed off.

Just let me state, for the record, that I hate portals.

At least it waited until after Game of Thrones was done for the year to kidnap me. I swear to god, if it had made me miss the finale, I would have had to punch someone.

Lockheed is going to miss his spy girlfriend, but I guess it could be worse.