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[Peeta Mellark's Journal, Unpublished]
I worry about her. I can't help it. She doesn't like to talk much, and that's okay, I can handle the words when they're needed. But I know Gale arriving has to be hard on her, and it's got to be bringing up all sort of terrible feelings about Prim and her death. And she's just closing up. I can be there for her, and I always will be. I'll be there beside her until the day I die, whenever she needs me. But I don't know how to help her more than that. I don't know how to make her stop hurting. How to stop the bad things that keep happening to her. And that's all I want to do.
I can talk to her about hope, and how things are going to get better. How they have to get better. But she doesn't believe it sometimes, I can see it in her eyes. And I don't know what else I can do. I don't want to smother her; Katniss has always needed her space when stuff like this happens.
It's so hard. She doesn't know all the stuff that's come between us in the last year, or the stuff that's brought us together. I don't quite know how to act around her. I keep forgetting all the things about me that she doesn't know anymore. All the things we shared in 12 after getting back there. I miss that. I miss being comfortable with her. I miss her being comfortable with me.
But it doesn't matter. I love her, and I'll be as patient as she needs me to be. I'm not in any hurry. Sometimes it's hard to believe, but I'm still only nineteen years old. Sometimes I feel much older than that, but I'm not. And I have time. Plenty of time.
I only wish I knew how to give her what she needs.
I worry about her. I can't help it. She doesn't like to talk much, and that's okay, I can handle the words when they're needed. But I know Gale arriving has to be hard on her, and it's got to be bringing up all sort of terrible feelings about Prim and her death. And she's just closing up. I can be there for her, and I always will be. I'll be there beside her until the day I die, whenever she needs me. But I don't know how to help her more than that. I don't know how to make her stop hurting. How to stop the bad things that keep happening to her. And that's all I want to do.
I can talk to her about hope, and how things are going to get better. How they have to get better. But she doesn't believe it sometimes, I can see it in her eyes. And I don't know what else I can do. I don't want to smother her; Katniss has always needed her space when stuff like this happens.
It's so hard. She doesn't know all the stuff that's come between us in the last year, or the stuff that's brought us together. I don't quite know how to act around her. I keep forgetting all the things about me that she doesn't know anymore. All the things we shared in 12 after getting back there. I miss that. I miss being comfortable with her. I miss her being comfortable with me.
But it doesn't matter. I love her, and I'll be as patient as she needs me to be. I'm not in any hurry. Sometimes it's hard to believe, but I'm still only nineteen years old. Sometimes I feel much older than that, but I'm not. And I have time. Plenty of time.
I only wish I knew how to give her what she needs.