Literally a conversation between me and a customer. We'll call her Karen.
Karen: Excuse me. *snapping fingers* Are you the manager?
Me: No, I'm the owner. Can I help you?
Karen: Oh, good. Yes, but probably no. You can try.
Me: *restraint* What seems to be the problem?
Karen: *HEAVY SIGH* My crawdads were still in the shells. The gumbo was too spicy. And your waiter refused to bring me the wine I asked for.
Me: *cringes inwardly at
crawdads* I'm sorry you're unsatisfied, but that's how the crawfish are served. The spice level of all of our items is listed on the menu, and we do not serve alcohol here so my server could not legally fulfill your request for wine.
Karen: *HUFFS* I TOLD him I wanted the spices to be LIGHT!
Me: *reminding self not to gut the customers* It says clearly on the menu that there are no substitutions. However, since you are unsati-...
Karen: YES, I'M UNSATISFIED AND YELP WILL HEAR ABOUT IT!
Me: *grinding teeth* ...I will gladly give you a free dessert of your choice.
Karen: OH MY GOD NO! THEY AREN'T KENO!
Me: Keto?
Karen: Don't correct ME, young lady!
Me: *sighs* I will cover the cost of your meal, but please do not come back. Thank you, have a nice evening.
Karen: ...but I like it here.
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