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Phil's gone.

I can't It's so fucking stupid. The last thing we did was have a stupid fight and now he's gone. I shouldn't have stayed away I wasted

I guess it makes sense. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and there it is. People like me don't get to be happy.

Some days I'm glad the other guy prevented the bullet from killing me.

Some days I'm not.

I have an issue where if someone shoots a gun within about a hundred yards of me, the bullet finds me. Every time. Please don't try this, just take my word for it.

I had a daughter, and this attribute was passed on to her. I learned this the hard way.

I blame myself every day.

...why I felt the need to confess this, I have no idea.

I hate Storybrooke.

I waited an extra day or so, just to be safe. Maybe time conversions got off or something.

But it looks like Ragnapäper beat Ragnarök at the last minute.

( Phil )

You're a stupidly attractive dork and I love you.

( MCU and 616 Avenger types Clint knows and other friends )

Karaoke tonight. We're going to have drinks and be ridiculous.

Before you say no, keep in mind it's my birthday, I'm a tragic circus orphan, and this is the first time I've had enough friends to have a party. If you don't come, I'll assume you hate happiness.

Thor is gone again, I think.

[ Filtered to MCU ]

So, who feels like going to the gun range? I'm getting antsy without anything to do.

And with the end of January, so begins the most dreaded two weeks in all of the year.

So, say a guy has two lady friends that he really likes. He was in love with one, but for... reasons, they were separated. During this separation he became good friends with the other lady, and they went on a date, and it was really nice, and he was starting to fall for her. But now the first gal is back and the guy still loves her, but he also still has feelings for the other gal.

What does a guy do in this situation?

Hypothetically.

Asking for a friend.

( private to peggy and jemma )
I think the three of us should probably talk.

So, anyone up for another card game? Valentine's Day is coming up. A distraction never hurts.

I should probably warn you that this was not a good time to kidnap a Black Widow.

I can't say this is what I was expecting.

Maybe I didn't die and they just have me on the really good drugs

I'm just going to offer a blanket apology to everything and everyone.

Right, I'm all for true love and everything, but is there anything cool going on Valentine's day for those of us who DON'T have a sweetheart?

Or should I just make plans to spend quality time with a pint on ice cream?

That was jarring. And Lola has a scratch. And needs a cleaning.

I'm sorry to everyone I ran into. I did actually grow past that particular level of obnoxiousness fairly quickly, I promise.

Everyone all right? Ms. Pryde, do I still have a job after not showing up? Unexpected teenager sounds like a terrible excuse, but since it's verifiably true, can we call it sick days?

[Filtered to SHIELD]
I really am sorry.
[/SHIELD]

[Filtered to Ward & Nick Fury]
I'm going to assume that was your money for bail, Nick? I'll pay you back, and thank you both.

Clint still hasn't switched back.
[/Nick & Ward]

[Filtered to Melinda]
Shall we just never discuss it, you think? Except I brought it up. But after this, never discuss it?

Or after Clint is back to normal, never discuss it. Since he may bring it up before then.
[/Melinda]

[Clint (MCU)]
Are you all right? If you could revert back to yourself soon, that would be appreciated.

So we're all slowly turning back and I just

Anyone up for grabbing a drink with me?

It appears I have returned to this place once again. Strange that I had thought it to be a place only of my imaginings, and yet here I am again.

In case I am not remembered, though not much seems to have changed. I am Thor, Son of Odin. I spent time in this place once before. Are any of my friends and allies still present?

This is fucking ridiculous.

( filtered to tasha and nick )

Mayday!

Phil is a fucking teenager.

And he keeps trying to get into my pants.

Badly.

He's seriously terrible at this. How did he ever get laid?

Someone help.

Hey. Hey Agent.

HEEEEEY AAAAAGEEEEEENT

I'm gonna talk to them.

So there.

[ Filtered to Science Babies of SHIELD. ]
SO. I've heard you're not allowed to talk to me. And vice versa.

Well, as I like pissing Agent off and I've yet to see if we get Supernanny here -- HI KIDLETS.

I'm rather disappointed I'm missing the People's Choice Awards this year.

I don't know whether to be relieved or upset that it didn't air.

Did we get cancelled?

So, wow. I missed my birthday. Time sort of just slips away from you here, I guess.

Anyone else not going to that ball thing?

If I see one more post about that stupid ball I'm not going to, I'm going to start shooting someo

Anyone up for a spar?

'Sup, Storybrooke? I'm Skye.

It's pretty sad that this isn't even the weirdest part of my day, huh?

Rumor has it that there are SHIELD Agents and Avengers here. Please be able to tell me if it was at all worth it I hope it's true.

This is FormerAgent Sharon Carter, also known as Agent 13. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be dead.

You know, it's sad, but this is not the weirdest thing that's happened to me this year.

I was told there are other Avengers here?

Why do I get the feeling that something strange might happen for Christmas?

It's the vibe I'm getting from this place.

When they say 'ball' how formal do you think they mean? Am I going to have to shop for a gown and then ultimately decide not to go?

Watching that show about the SHIELD agents makes me miss home even more. Sharon should be in there and our Nat and Nick and Maria. Where is Quartermain?

I hate comics and I need to stop reading up on what's going on in them. Now I'm grumpy.

( Possible AoS spoilers under the cut )

So, I was flipping through channels tonight and I sort of saw part of your show, Grant. Don't worry. I changed the channel. It seems weird to watch friends' lives.

But I just have to say...congratulations on your abs. They're really impressive.

Are you photoshopped? Because forget six pack. I'm pretty sure you had like...a ten pack or something.

I almost didn't turn the television on this morning, based on what had been airing. Now I'm glad I did. That, at least, seems normal again.

Great. Plenty of equipment but no connection. Fat lot of good the protocols do me when there's no way to exercise them.

[ inaudible muttered words before he starts speaking normally again. ]

This is the last thing I need right now.

Why's the radio playing Christmas music? Did they forget there's a whole holiday between Halloween and Christmas? And how do I make it stop since apparently I can't shoot it?

( filtered to Natasha Romanoff, Phil Coulson, Alex Udinov, Nick Fury, Melinda May, Maria Hill, EDITED TO ADD: Also Fitz-Simmons, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner, Thor Odinson, Jane Foster, Darcy Lewis )

My alternate universe less dead brother may or may not have invited me to Thanksgiving, which I declined because fuck that.

That said, you guys are invited (not you, Nat, because invited implies you can say no) to the annual Barton-Romanoff Secret Agent Thanksgiving Dinner. By dinner we mean takeout, vodka and poker. We can assure you with reasonable certainty nobody will die and the barrier pretty much prevents international incidents.

RSVP. Or don't. Whatever. I may open this up to Science Babies and Avengers, but I'm not sure they'd really enjoy our idea of holiday festivities. Yes there is a non-SHIELD person on the list, but she's basically a mini-Nat, so deal with it. I collect Russians.

Also, THOR IS NOT ALLOWED TO BRING HIS BROTHER. This shouldn't require saying, but I'm saying it.

( filtered to Natasha )

Also, you have a date Friday night.

( filtered to Phil )

Also, I may have set Nat up on a blind date with a guy from work. So if I get disappeared, that's why.

Fitz, Simmons, May, you holding up all right? Consider this me instituting weekly check ins, even if we're not on the bus. Humor me.

[MCU Avengers/SHIELD]
According to a baby faced newcomer, in other universes, the recruitment process for the Initiative lets in worse candidates than Stark, and a lot of them. And the code names get even more ridiculous. Why do they always have to give them names?
[/Avengers/SHIELD]

[MCU Clint]
Since there is no high level international agencies hiring here, I think a job is in order. Any suggestions?

Scientifically this town is incredibly fascinating but I'd like to go home now.

I do not want to have to go through that again.

ooc: spoilers for agents of shield in the comments

In case anyone was looking for him, I found Waldo.

He was in the park.

This is the best thing ever.

I'm going to listen to it every night and pretend it's Fury lulling me to sleep with his dulcet tones.

Coulson, you realize the proper way to celebrate recovery from being stabbed in the chest by a bad guy is not to get within arm's length of another, right? I would hope you were that intelligent, but all evidence is telling me otherwise.

[ Clint (MCU) ]
So. Are we going to have to talk about the latest arrival, or are you just going to ignore it?

I would just like to say right now that I am not responsible for any of this. It wasn't me and I'm certain it wasn't Reed Richards and I'm not allowed to meet Tony Stark but I'm guessing it's not him either. So, it's either magic or an unknown source. I'm sorry. I'm sure you all are probably aware of the possibilities. It's just...I'm better with science problems.

I'm Leo Fitz. Where's Simmons? is she here?

I can honestly say this is the first time someone has handed me cash upon arrival in their town.

Well, that was certainly fascinating. Do people often undergo hard genetic recodings here? Just from a point of scientific curiosity.

Speaking of, I was wondering something. It is my understanding that the individuals from this town are originally from another sort of world entirely, unless I was misunderstanding something. And I was wondering if one of you might be willing to donate a sample, blood sample...tissue...anything really, so that I could see how you might differ from a baseline human from this world, genetically speaking. I really want to know if the potential of people from your world for magic is something that is coded into your genetics, or if it is some outside influence that allows you to use it.

I would just really appreciate it if you could help me out.

Oh! And Thor? I would love to do some tests if you have some time. To establish a baseline for Asgardian genetics and physiology. And also to see if your arms are like Maria...I mean...Deputy Director Hill said Just...while the opportunity is available.

Now I know why I never went to Maine. I miss the days when the worst we had to deal with was someone misusing Stark tech