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I want to learn to drive.

I mean, that's a thing teenagers do, right?

Someone teach me to drive.

Oh! I totally didn't fail out of school, so I'm going to be a senior. Go me.

So I was thinking about Tommy's stupid post and how people kind of liked it. And then I found this post and figured whatever.

Malia Hale has a reputation for a remarkable talent at intimidating people. Additionally, she possesses the power to read the memories of others, however she must speak words of power to do so. Malia Hale is known for her marvelous knack at fighting in the dark and she is able to communicate with sloths in any language. She resists assailants wielding an accurate stinger that also grants a startling combat sense and she developed the talent to make hats appear from nowhere. Lamentably, Malia Hale is infamous for being woefully unskilled at seduction.

I went on Tumblr.

I don't like Tumblr.

Derek, stop making people on the internet think you want to have sex with my boyfriend. It makes me sad.

Stiles, stop making people on the internet think you're in love with my cousin and want his werewolf babies. I'm pretty sure you can't have babies, not even werewolf babies.

[ filtered away from sam; ]

If anyone gets the smart idea to mention this "Supernatural" show to my brother, I will cut your throat. Don't think I won't. I'm not trying to be mean here or anything, but it's just a request. Me, asking a bunch of random people for a favor. He can't know.

[ public; ]

I think I need a job, I'm almost out of beer money. And the locals are starting to catch on that I'm hustling them.

Okay, everyone. Stay inside if you can. If you need a safe space, we've got the youth center secure. Just be careful.

Needless to say, school is out for the forseeable future.

( Derek and Peter )

You guys stay inside. There's no guarantee you'll be safe from a zombie bite. And I don't want to have to shoot either of you in the head.

If you need me, I'll be out zombie hunting.

( Stiles, Malia, Scott, Isaac, Allison )

You kids be safe. I don't want anything happening to you.

She's here.

Oh thank god, she's here.

And I'm not I've never been more grateful for this place.

To all our teenaged residents, consider this an official reminder that high school classes pick up for the year on the second. Also a reminder that superpowers, fangs, claws, robots, guns, and pets aren't allowed in the halls. Also gum.

[Locked to Nick Fury & Melinda May]
I blame you both for the hangover I had for what felt like a year, just so you know. But for the record, Clint found another home for the baby and we'll revisit the topic later.

Nick, if somehow this town manages to swap Clint into a female and knock her up, I am blaming you, and I will murder you, somehow. Nothing personal.
[/Nick & Melinda]

[Locked to Spysassin Home]
Why did I not rebel against the idea of running a high school full of superpowered teenagers and just go live in the woods?

I need a fucking shower.

I'm pretty sure I have grass stains in my hair.

Also, fuck you, Rumancek.

Oh. If anyone finds random bits of...person in the woods, don't panic. Nobody's dead. I think we got rid of it all. But we might have missed an eye. And some skin.

I miss being a coyote.

Not...all the time. There's human things I like too. But I sort of wish I could turn back sometimes. I miss running.

There have been times in my life where having this happen to me would have been a godsend. This isn't one of them.

Still, it's not the weirdest thing to happen to me.

So, I get it. The seafood is good, and the living is clean. And apparently you send grenades for fun (which, whatever, not judging) ... but I have a couple of questions:

A) The wireless signal sucks, so where's the hardware store?
B) Does anybody have some fiber-optic cable? If not, how about a staple gun?
C) So there aren't any baddies to fight? Just people hanging out, going to sock hops and singing "Greased Lighting" ... ? (Don't lie. I heard you.)

This again.

I guess there are worse places to be. Not exactly the best timing, but portals aren't really known for that.

Kitty is missing.

I don't know who all is here from her world but she's gone.

I hate math.

I hate math and science and history and I don't understand why these equations have all these letters in them. Why does math need letters?

And why am I supposed to care what happened in...France...in 1612.

This is all stupid.

Getting kidnapped to Maine by a magical portal is definitely not on the list of things I expected to happen today, but I guess that portal has some pretty good timing, all things considered.

Uh, that fairy, though, that was a hallucination, right?

Anyway, hello, Storybrooke, I'm Allison. Are they serious about the whole being stuck here thing? I was kind of in the middle of something. Like dying, but that's beside the point.

Hello.

I'm looking for a girl.

...Not just any girl, I do have a specific one in mind. Brown hair, brown eyes that are sometimes bright blue. She may have said something that sounded mean. She means it but she probably didn't mean to say it out loud. We're working on that.

I don't understand.

I mean, I understand. I'm not an idiot. Someone explained and all the words made sense. But I don't like this and I think it's stupid and pointless.

How do I go home?

Where's Stiles?

Shopping for prom dresses is ridiculously hard. They're all so ruffly and pastel.

FILTERED TO STILES
I just realized I didn't ask. Did you want to go to prom? We can just stay home if you would rather.

You know, I've been contemplating my sheer lack of purpose here, and I think it might be time for a career change. Not that I've ever really had a 'career' before, but that's a better phrase than 'time to find a job and stop duping people for money'.

Anyone have any suggestions for a highly literate, easily bored werewolf?

I'm honestly really excited for the end of the school year. It's been so great coordinating the educational programs this year, but I'm looking forward to initiating some fun summer programs at the Youth Center. There will be some classes there this summer, like dance and yoga and self defense, among others, that will be open to anyone who's interested. We'll also be working with the library to help anyone who needs to adjust or catch up for school in the fall. And hopefully all this will help me ignore the whole Hydra thing. I could do without Nazis in my life

On that note, for high school students interested in taking summer classes at the college, I will be setting up meetings over the next few weeks to work that out. Just try not to stress too much about that when you still have exams coming up.

But back to fun things, prom is coming up as well, and I could use some volunteers to help set things up and make everything as nice and fun as possible. I could also use some chaperones, if any parents or teachers are interested. Prom will be on Saturday, May 24, so there's still plenty of time to get ready for that.

( Derek )

Want to come chaperone with me?

I was a terrible alpha and I'm glad I'm a beta again. I'm not a leader. I was never meant to be one.

I'm happier here than I ever was back home. I've got my sister, an amazing woman that I love who isn't evil. I just can't help but wonder if the other shoe is going to drop. I just can't see myself deserving any of this.

Scott is gone...

This is a dream This has to be a dream I'm going to wake up and she's going to be here This is just a dream wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wakeup wakeup wakeupwakeupwakeup

Cora's gone. I can't find her anywhere.

I can't I don't know what to I can't breathe WAKE UP

You know, life's a boring when people aren't trying to kill you.

Sorry if I worried anyone. I got sent home. But I'm back now.

...I'm also an Alpha.

Not exactly what I was expecting, but I'll take it.

I just got kissed by Natasha Romanoff. I think I might have accidentally stepped into a comic book nerd's fantasy for a second. Or it was that mistletoe. I was just picking up pizza.

This town remains so weird.

I'm officially the only one of my friends without a date to the ball.

I think this must be some kind of karma turned back on me.

I think maybe I'll just skip it. I'll still help everyone shop though.

That was insane.

That was actually insane.

Has it really been like...a few hours hours? Seriously?

Because it's been weeks. And I wasn't here and that doesn't make any sense.

And I didn't remember here but now I do remember it.

But I was home and things happen. And I remember watching them on television. But now I remember them happening too. And I don't know what's going on.

Am I going crazy

( Cora )

Oh god. I missed you.

I mean...I didn't. Because I didn't know I was supposed to miss you. But then I came back and it hit me and are you okay? You weren't worried, were you? I'm really sorry.

I never officially asked, but do you want to go to that ball thing with me? I'm pretty sure there won't be any fire.

Sorry, I'm a little manic right now.

Ignore what the crazy lady my girlfriend Pepper just posted.

All searches will be rewarded.

In liquor.

Edited to add: I'd offer sexual favors as well as a reward, but said Pepper might kill me. or ask to join. Wait. No. Girls, please ask for sexual favors, kthnx.

To anyone tempted to help with searches for giant stuffed animals, please don't.

( Tony )

Maybe we should talk to Dr. Banner about my condition. He might be able to help you work out a way to let me have more control over it.

( Phil )

We really haven't talked since you came back. Mostly because I still want to slap you and being upset isn't good for me right now. But we should catch up. Get a drink. I can throw it in your face for scaring me like that.

I thought you were dead.

I would like to remind everyone to be careful tonight. I wouldn't put it past this place to decide to try something funny. Halloween + magic would result in a lot of things probably best left unmentioned. And I'm not going to clear up a pile of dead bodies tomorrow morning.

I'm so going to have to step it up for Halloween, now that I've seen Cora's costume.

I'm going to look like an idiot, and she's going to realize she could do better

Well, that was certainly fascinating. Do people often undergo hard genetic recodings here? Just from a point of scientific curiosity.

Speaking of, I was wondering something. It is my understanding that the individuals from this town are originally from another sort of world entirely, unless I was misunderstanding something. And I was wondering if one of you might be willing to donate a sample, blood sample...tissue...anything really, so that I could see how you might differ from a baseline human from this world, genetically speaking. I really want to know if the potential of people from your world for magic is something that is coded into your genetics, or if it is some outside influence that allows you to use it.

I would just really appreciate it if you could help me out.

Oh! And Thor? I would love to do some tests if you have some time. To establish a baseline for Asgardian genetics and physiology. And also to see if your arms are like Maria...I mean...Deputy Director Hill said Just...while the opportunity is available.

I don't really see much point in asking questions other people have probably already asked or pointing out how shocked I am to suddenly be in a small town full of people who used to be princesses or mice or witches. Of course I'm shocked. Who wouldn't be? I'm also annoyed and confused. I can multitask like that. I really just have one question.

Where's my daughter?

Never, ever laugh at your friends when they wake up as girls, because you've still got your guy parts intact.

Trust me. Karma really sucks right now.

Um, so, someone PLEASE tell me why I'm stuck in some lame town that reminds me of depressing places I'd NEVER go? And I have none of my CLOTHES and most importantly, my PINK EYELINER??? How can I LIVE without my pink eyeliner?? I don't suppose there's a Sephora in this lame town?

I'm told there are other Camp Halfblood people here so...hello!

And for all you cute boys out there, I'm Drew.

Everything seems to be going well with the school year so far. I know that we've gotten some new school aged arrivals, and for those of you not yet registered, please contact me so that I can get you set up for school and caught up on anything you might have missed.

Please remember that the Storybrooke Youth Center is offering tutoring for those students who need extra help with their studies, as well as after school recreational opportunities.

We will be having a get together this Friday night for students, parents and teachers. This is a good way for everyone to get to know one another and just have a nice fun evening.

( Derek )

Would you like to maybe be a chaperone with me? I know hanging around with your sister and her friends probably isn't exactly your idea of a good time, but it would be nice to have you there. There will be cookies!

I feel as though I should be following a rabbit in a waistcoat, but given the things I've overheard people calling each other, not to mention the welcoming committee, I wouldn't be surprised if he's around here somewhere. If only in a less anthropomorphic form.

Also, with the mutterings of magic and portals, I see no sense in keeping tight-lipped on my own issues. Peter Hale. Werewolf, recovering sociopath, and current babysitter to a gaggle of clueless teens. Speaking of... Any of you about?