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Yay. The magic wall is down. Awesome. Really.

And now there are shiny portals that my two year old is absolutely fascinated with. So that's another thing to have to worry about all the time.

Also her favorite word right now is 'no'. Because of course it is.

And I can't find my keys and I can't prove she didn't hide them or feed them to the dog.

And there may or may not be oatmeal in my hair. Again. And I can only find one of my shoes.

I'm running away to Jersey. Not that I think I'll be any more of a functional human there. But I'm curious if they have anything like Gotham. I almost miss smog. Plus I might get to kick a mugger in the face.

Matt, can I have time off? Will you be okay without me? Will you remember to eat and not somehow end up in a dumpster? Frank, will you babysit Matt if I take a vacation?

This is fantastic.

Well, that was a thing.

(ooc: please see this.)

Since we're all talking about that trainwreck trailer apparently.

Can I just ask why Tony Stark is talking about responsibility and gun control and stuff but thinks it's a good idea to let a twelve year old fight in a superhero deathmatch?

How is that responsible? Did he change his name to Batman when nobody was looking?

Let's discuss.

heeeeey. so civil war. it blows.

but i'm experienced and wise so i'm taking small voluntary donations to tell people how it'll end. or not small donations. cash and objects of value only, no credit or bitcoin or whatever. i have standards.

tommy industries is not responsible for any weeping or yelling or dramatic punching that happens after we inform you of what the fuck happens. it's not our fault that your life sucks, we're just helping you stay informed.

did you know if you turn a mixer up high when you're trying to mix stuff for cookies the flour can hit the ceiling? because now i know that and the ceiling is white.

I'm bored, I know it's bad luck to say things like I want something to happen so I'm not going to say that but someone give me an idea of something to do otherwise I'm going to try and find something to do and might end up landing myself in trouble because I have a habit of doing that. But no suggesting trying to conquer the human race (Loki I'm looking at you) or other activities such as that.

So what's this supposed to be, then?

Because I got handed a phone by a dwarf or a munchkin or something and was told some bullshit about this being a fairytale town.

What the shit?

Talk about a headache.

Those quick trips back need to come with a fuck futzing warning label or something.

Nobody should ever experience three years in...shit has it really only been two hours? Because that's messed up.

spysassin house.

Tell me nobody panicked and set the fridge on fire.

laura.

You and the kids okay?

And how do you feel about maybe adopting a twenty-one year old war orphan with brain powers whose brother died saving my sorry ass hide?

wanda.

You still around, witchy?

How are you holding up?

Well isn't this quaint.

Okay.

Does someone want to explain what the hel heck is going on here? Because I just had a pissy midget tell me that this is a some kind of small town fairytale bullshit mess?

My wife is going to kill me

so i was bored and on tumblr which is so gross in like the best way but also has all these pictures of food that always make me hungry. but anyway people had this and this and now i'm grossed out because i guess i'm into asgard types and no. like the mini loki is all right but i don't want to do him. and thor is giant and there's more beard than face sometimes and the hammer does not do anything for my hammer okay. not even in the top ten.

plus i think they only use like the movie guys. which is wrong because that cuts out a million superhero people.

internet quizzes are wrong on the internet.

hey billy, i have two chapters for you to read.

Well I know who I'm blaming for this.

Who does everyone else blame?

Well, I can cross magical portals to Maine off of things S.H.I.E.L.D never prepared me for.

At least the lobster here is good. That's one thing Maine can always be counted for.

I'm Phil Coulson, director of S.H.I.E.L.D. I heard my team was here.

So this is the perfect end to the worst birthday party ever Or maybe second worst Most of our parties are terrible

So...I'm in Maine? Because of portals? And...fairytale magic? Must be Thursday

This is real and not some weird...I don't even know...purgatory type place or illusion or...something?

Christmas sweaters for babies are pretty much the most adorable thing ever. And Joy seems to like the ones I've gotten her. Of course, she's not even a year old yet, so I'm probably just guessing on her opinion here. But she looks super cute.

Loki, I may or may not have gotten you some Christmas sweaters. They're all green and varying levels of ridiculous. You're welcome.

Bruce, you did not escape this.

I think tonight is a good night for a Christmas movie marathon. The tree is decorated. Presents are all bought. Yule isn't until tomorrow. I'm thinking stop motion movies and hot chocolate.

So, sorry this is late but I was recently traumatized by about four thousand different things, not least of which being the fucking alien god who doesn't know how to go about making friends, hint not mind control, but it's time to extend the yearly invitation to the Barton-Romanoff Secret Agent Thanksgiving Dinner. Dinner being used in the loosest sense of the word. Also, Thanksgiving. For our purposes, those words mean vodka, Chinese takeout, and poker. This will all be taking place at the Clint Barton Home for Wayward Failboats and Spysassins, and possibly in a giant blanket fort depending on the varied emotional states of the household that day. SHIELD attendance is mandatory. Other people we know are welcome, including significant others of SHIELD people and their angry Jewish and/or Jersey friends. Loki, if you try to come, someone will set you on fire. Other Loki, I don't mean you. You and Steph are fine. If anyone in the house has anyone they want added to the no invite list, speak now, or speak later, whenever's cool.

We probably have enough room for everyone. There are cats, so mind your allergies. We will have all the eggrolls, they're basically the equivalent of stuffing anyway. When I say all the egg rolls, I mean it. Grant is ridiculous and we love him. Feel free to bring extra takeout if you want. And extra blankets in case of expansion.

So, mom's gone. And America's gone. And there's zombies now. Basically everything sucks.

On the plus side, I guess Tommy can't whine about being bored any more.

( Young Avengers + Kamala + Francis & Torunn )

Uh...Young Avengers young assemble?

We should do that. We can take on zombies.

Uh...Loki...are you coming or are you going to be all weird and hovery with your girlfriend and her baby? Not that that's weird. Just...you'd probably be keeping them safer wiping out zombies with us. But your call or whatever. Just pointing out we're less likely to get dead with you around. No pressure.

I shared a coke with Stephanie today.

Do you look for names?

So, I get it. The seafood is good, and the living is clean. And apparently you send grenades for fun (which, whatever, not judging) ... but I have a couple of questions:

A) The wireless signal sucks, so where's the hardware store?
B) Does anybody have some fiber-optic cable? If not, how about a staple gun?
C) So there aren't any baddies to fight? Just people hanging out, going to sock hops and singing "Greased Lighting" ... ? (Don't lie. I heard you.)

This isn't where I meant to go when I said I wanted breakfast.

Greetings, I am Thor, of Asgard, Son of Odin.

Though such a means was not how I had intended to return, I suppose the good fortune means I should be without complaint. Instead I find myself quite thankful that I have landed among such a considerate group of people, people who have informed me that this device will connect me to many of the others of you who have ended here the same as I?

Perhaps then there might be one of you here who could point me in the direction of your delicacy known as pancakes? I find them to be the best choice, when one is forced to deal with a sudden and unexpected arrival in any realm. Your assistance would be most appreciated.

I'm going to figure this out if it fucking kills me.

Which the way it's going, it very well might.

Can't sleep. Working on this brings back the nightmares.

Have to figure this out. Have to save her. Can't let her

[To Pepper and Bruce]
Don't wait up for me. I'm pulling an all-nighter in the workshop. And no, don't come looking for me either. I need to work on this on my own for the night. Maybe two. I'll check in periodically. Promise.

Don't make me turn either of you away. Because I will.

[To Pepper]
But... can you come by tomorrow? Just you.

Thanks, babe.

You got to be fucking kidding me.

Well, I'd say this is the wrong door, but I don't think I've even seen America this week.

So...small town in Maine. That's...anticlimactic.

Well...

This is rather unexpected. Now to find whomever was childishly toying with the spell. I don't suppose anyone could just tell me...

I find it amazing how much I've actually started to miss my family. It's been so long since I had any tangible sense of it, but just...being able to be myself makes me wonder what it would be like to have them here.

I'm just about 9000% done with papers and school and everything.

I'm going to go take a nap for a year.

I waited an extra day or so, just to be safe. Maybe time conversions got off or something.

But it looks like Ragnapäper beat Ragnarök at the last minute.

( Phil )

You're a stupidly attractive dork and I love you.

( MCU and 616 Avenger types Clint knows and other friends )

Karaoke tonight. We're going to have drinks and be ridiculous.

Before you say no, keep in mind it's my birthday, I'm a tragic circus orphan, and this is the first time I've had enough friends to have a party. If you don't come, I'll assume you hate happiness.

Okay, so guess this place was for real.

What'd I miss? Everyone good? No one dead or turned into a dog or anything?

[ Filtered to Steph's Friends (if your character should be here, they are) but NOT Stephanie ]

Hey, so, what with it being a result of the age shifting mess, Steph didn't really get a chance to prepare or celebrate the whole impending motherhood thing. So I was wondering, would anybody be interested in helping me put together a proper baby shower thing?

[Filtered to Billy & Kate]
Some of the SHIELD guys from the other universe are doing Valentine's day poker games. Want to drop in? Unless you're making out with someone.
[/Billy & Kate]

[Filtered to Stephanie Brown]
How are you doing? And the bebé? Do you need anything?
[/Stephanie]

[616 Loki]
So are you plotting something I'm going to have to kick your ass for, with Steph, or just lonely? Just so I can schedule it in if I have to kill you. I've got to fit it in with work.
[/Loki]

I know it's cheating the laws of nature and all, but if we've got anyone around with weather powers, a break from the cold would be great. Beach party break, then back to frigid.

It appears I have returned to this place once again. Strange that I had thought it to be a place only of my imaginings, and yet here I am again.

In case I am not remembered, though not much seems to have changed. I am Thor, Son of Odin. I spent time in this place once before. Are any of my friends and allies still present?

( intended to be filtered to tim, actually public )

I think my water just broke.

My brother has taken his leave, for those who know him.

If he reappears as his younger self, no one tell him he can't have dessert first. He'll just tell you he's Odinson and can have whatever he wants.

What to do with myself now, without a constant watchdog? I'll need a hobby.

[Filtered to Nick Fury, edited in later]
Your baby bird will likely be here later, if you'd like to bring him back to the nest before he throws himself at the whole of the building.

Time travel and alternate universes. I really wish I could say this kind of thing still surprise me.

Ugh. All this talk about the ball just reminds me that if I go, I'm going alone.

So, I'm just going to take a chance here. Anyone want to go? I'm probably setting myself up for potential public embarrassment here, but I figure screw it. Fortune favors the bold, or whatever.

Note, I'm not necessarily going with the first person that comments, since that could end in tears and bloodshed. Just opening the forum for discussion.

If it helps: I'm Steph. I'm nineteen. I bake a lot. I'm kind of a ninja. I love breakfast food, terrible movies, motorcycles and the color purple. I'm majoring in psychology, I waitress at Granny's and I'm a vigilante in my free time. Also, I have little to no brain to mouth filter.

Also, Katie. Dress shopping? I figure it'll go great because we both love purple to possibly unhealthy degrees.

Edit: Officially also looking for dates for friends.

Cassie Sandsmark: Blonde bombshell demigoddess. Daughter of Zeus. Super fun and awesome. Very friendly. Likes animals. Nicest person ever.

Lydia Martin: Foxy ginger genius. Likes shopping and being incredible at everything. Does not put up with bullshit. Probably smarter than you. Deal with it.

Respond to them below. You know you want to.

Okay so someone here has to understand or know how to deal with teenagers, right? It's been awhile since I've had any experience with them an' back then various circus folk did all the work.

Pretty sure my brother wouldn't like it if I gave his kid to a travelling circus.

Anyway. How do you tell a teenager that flirting with a known villain will only end with them being used as a human shield or being used to further nefarious plans without them deciding to ignore you an' do the opposite?

My immediate solution is to suggest we lock him in his room an' forbid him from dating until he's married. Who has a more reasonable one?

All right guys. Holiday special at the range. Half off archery lessons if you sign up before the new year.

Word of warning, I don't have much interest in wasting my time watching people fuck around. If you actually want to learn to use a bow, or work on your skills, great. If you don't want to make an effort, you should probably find another way to occupy your time.

Hey, Phil. I was thinking. You want to take Lo for one last spin before we put her away for the winter? With the snow we're having right now, it would probably be good to keep her somewhere safe, so she doesn't get damaged. But I think we could get one last good ride out of her, provided she keeps her top on.

'Sup, Storybrooke? I'm Skye.

It's pretty sad that this isn't even the weirdest part of my day, huh?

It's a strange detail to be caught up in, but the sunsets here are colored differently than home. The colors are less vibrant, like watching through glass.

But I do like the cold.

[Filtered to Lokis]
You seem younger than I, but from reading what you've written, I gather it may be illusion, and that your world only bears passing resemblance to mine.

But perhaps we should talk.

So. Uncle Barney may have been arrested for solicitation. I'm more confused than before.

[Loki]
I have a couple of questions for you:

Are you a Skrull?
What's a Skrull?
Do you have any connection to the Russian mob?
Did you make out with my dad?!

There's stuff. Around the apartment.

Like...a forest threw up or something.

And lots of little things.

Is this normal? Phil? Do you have a habit of decorating your apartments weird shit and you didn't tell me?

Anyway, since you added stuff to the apartment, I figured I could too.

I was on Tumblr, and yes...I know you banned me from Tumblr but whatever, and a lot of people kept comparing me to a grumpy cat. And then I went to get milk and...

( cut to spare friend pages, not filtered )

Guys. Pretty sure this wasn't part of the plan. Who accidentally opened up a trapdoor to New England? And why was I handed a smartphone by someone and told to 'enjoy my stay'?