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Fuck. Jesus fuck.

This can't be happening.

Fuck.

( OOC: Jess dressed as a ghost...and is now temporarily dead. Because Clint would have reacted sooner than now to his girlfriend dying, but we only just decided on this, I'm backdating this post to Friday morning, when he would have found her body. )

I can't believe I completely forgot to come up with a costume. I guess it's a bed sheet toga for me tonight.

The magic explanation makes about as much sense as anything else. As far as alternate worlds go this one ain't half bad. I like the free money part.

Holy magical portals, Batman!

So...just to be sure I got this right, I'm in Maine and this is a magical town full of fairytale people? Just checking...but I'm not going to wake up to chipmunks dusting am I?

That will teach me to ever be amused by my son's predicament. And my girlfriend's. And Logan's.

And this is probably karma for mocking alternate-me.

On the plus side, I don't look as bad as I thought I would. So, there's that.

Jess, I'm going to throw your earlier question back at you. How do you get anything done with boobs? They're just there. All the time.

Kate, we need to practice. I need to compensate for breasts when I'm drawing. They're in the way.

( Jess )

I stole some of your clothes. I should probably feel bad about that, but I don't. You'll get them back.

Bras are the worst.

Well, this is new.

[Director Fury]
I was told by someone claiming to be a fairy that you were here, sir. How secure is this network, and how high a chance is there that one of my science team accidentally flooded the plane with chemical hallucinogens and I'm actually somewhere over Nevada right now?

Phil Coulson's gone.

Back to his new team The one he likes so goddamn much Couldn't even let us know he was alive and he's off with some new, young mid-life crisis team Fuck this

( Regina )

Want to go grab a drink or something?

What the hell?

This definitely isn't New York. Rogers? Pym? Avengers?

This is somehow your fault isn't it? Or, more than likely, Stark's. I'm going to punch him

Aww, portal.

I hate portals.

We're sure Richards didn't do this? Or Strange? I'm just used to blaming them for portals.

Even if it's not their fault, it's probably their fault.

Avengers, assemble! Pretend I'm Cap for a second or something.

Nat's gone.

Just figured people would want to know. Not sure how many people outside the team knew her, but yeah. She's just gone. I guess, back through the portal or whatever.

SO, before I lose my god damn mind with alternate universes and timelines and all that shit, I figured this was just a much easier way to go about it.

I'm Jessica Jones. I have been, in this order, Jewel, Knightress and Power Woman. My husband is Luke Cage, AKA Power Man. He is, the last time I saw him, an Avenger and I have been one multiple times. The point of this post is to find out who knows who and what we all know because I don't know about you all but I could really use some people I trust. Besides Danny and Logan.

Right. I'm supposed to use this thing and talk to people.

Would've preferred to stay at the bar

Clint Barton. I'm from New York. I know pretty much fuck all about magic, but I don't exactly have the best history with it, so I'm going to try the tried and true method of ignoring it and hoping it goes away.

Figures, it would have happened now. Not like the day could get worse.

( Private )
С Днем Рождения, Фил.

I went to go get the mail in Beacon Hills, and think I ended up at Comic-Con.

Any chance there's just something really weird in the water?

At least I can take comfort in the fact that I didn't end up in Maine because my sense of direction is absolutely horrible.