PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

...Anyone care to tell me where the hell I am and how the hell I got here? I almost thought I was in the right place...but this is far less bloody than what was going on back home.

Fuck! I really don't need this crap right now!

I am not sure if I am doing this properly, but...

I was told to seek out a man called Angel? Is that right? He is apparently able to provide some assistance. Would anyone know where to find him?

Remove as many of the cockroaches as you can. Leave me the Champion.

What hotel is under attack?

Please, I'm trying to find one of my friends who I believe is in danger.

This stupid place just keeps getting worse and worse! I blame you, Lavender! Will they stop at nothing?

ALL I WANTED WAS A SNACK AND INSTEAD I GOT THIS BITE ON MY WRIST. AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD SIT DOWN BECAUSE WOW I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THE ROOM WAS SUPPOSED TO SPIN HAHA OKAY THIS IS NOT VERY FUNNY AT ALL

I am rather surprised to find myself in Los Angeles. I had thought I was travelling to New York, and I know I got on the right plane. This certainly complicates things. But no matter, I'll get to New York soon enough. And then I'll find my father's killer. In the meantime, can anyone tell me why it's so unnaturally dark?

Oh...right...yes. I'm Dr. Mohinder Suresh.

I need a group of people to help me check all the rooms. I'm getting Willow down to the lobby and then going back up to look for more victims. Don't wait for me, just go. And bring something heavy and blunt with you, if you don't have a sword.

Hiro Nakamura, if you're out there somewhere fiddling with the space-time continuum again, let me just say that this is a blunder.

On the off-chance that this isn't happening due to an associate and his propensity for meddling with some of the threads of reality, does anyone care to explain?

Something came out of the sink and managed to bite my hand before I could get away. Everyone needs to be careful, it's still out there somewhere. And now I get to go sit down so the room will stop spinning.

Oh, wait, I'm already sitting. Nifty...

Oh my god!

I just found Elle, it looks like she's been bitten or something. She won't wake up...

Something just bit me, I'm fine, but I think we need to get out of here right now.

Adam? Claire? Gabriel? Where are you?

And I just found Fred, I think she got bit too.

Edit: Let's get everyone to the lobby, and see what we can do to fight this off.

VERY IMPORTANT: MISSING BABY!

Those of you who are inside the hotel need to get out immediately, especially if you've been bitten, regardless of whether or not you think you can still fight. Katara, assuming your are still able and willing, I'd like for you to continue freezing the pipes while I take care of the snakes that have already worked their way inside.

Sarah, take the stone IT with you--do whatever you need to do in order to keep it safe.

Caryn, there is a large, leather-bound book with Asian characters on the cover sitting on my desk. Grab it and take it with you. Get it out of the Hyperion. I trust you not to allow it to fall into enemy hands.

Zuko, find my sister and get her out of here.

We'll meet back up at Anne's Shelter. (incert address here) Whoever gets there first, tell her I'm calling in a favor. Wait in the basement.

Everybody capable of walking: Lobby. Now. Be armed and dangerous if you can, but not if that means goin' back up to your room to grab your gear, you got me? We got fuckin' critters 'n' shit around, 'n' we already got enough casualties.

Everybody not capable of walking but still capable of gettin' on here 'n' typing: Check in. Location & what's wrong witcha.

Me 'n' that chick're gonna run recon & medic to get our casualties downstairs and then we're all goin' out together.

NO GOIN' OUTSIDE ON YER OWN 'n' NO WANDERIN' OFF. United we stand divided we fall 'n' all that shit.

jesus fucking god this sorta shit is easier when y'only got nine guys on your team 'n' you all got fuckin' weapons training 'n' ten minutes' warning before they drop the buzzer 'n' start shootin' atcha -

What the hell was that?

I don't...feel very..

What the Hell?!! I was just going to wash my hands in the bathroom, and this.. thing. Snake, I think. It just came up and bit my arm.

I.. uhh.. what was I saying again? Umm.. okay. I'm feeling a bit light, so.. maybe I shouldn't stand. Ohh Hell..

Who: Spike & Princess Cimorene
What: 'Helping out', as Veronica had suggested.
When: During the big crisis.
Where: Hyperion.
Rating: TBD.

( Snakes. How bloody well predictable.  )

They shot her. They shot my mom before I could ever know her. And Karl…

Please forgive me, Dad. I just…I didn’t want to die. Please, I’m only 16.

I require assistance. I'm staying in room 29. One of those creatures bit my leg and I can no longer manage to move it.

Please hurry. I fear what this will do to the baby...

Well, there's just all kinds of fuck upery happening around here isn't there?

Hi, I'm George. I'm a taurus and I like waffles, long walks on the beach and holding hands. Only two of those statements are true.

I'd offer to help but I'm pretty sure I'd suck at it.

Ms. Prince: Oh look, it wasn't me.

The snakes are unidentified. They are fatal.. and must be terminated.

Konnichi-
Hi! I was wondering if um, you've seen two very tall Japanese men one very tall Japanese man and a kind of tall but not taller than me! Japanese kid guy around. I think I've lost them.. Maybe? I can't find them!

It rains too much!!

I know Lavender went on and warned the lot of you before, but I think it'd be smart to go on and say it one more time and then some in case someone didn't get the message: there's a raving lunatic on the loose that goes by the name of...well, she already went and told you, didn't she? I'm not about to repeat it. Anyway, You-Know-Who isn't someone you want to cross paths with. He's a mass murdering nutter who can kill you with an easy flick of his wand. Plus he's capable of controlling people, torturing them, and basically doing whatever the bloody hell he wants without even breaking a sweat. He's a real nightmare, he is, so I suggest that you all stay away if you know what's good for you.

Also: if anyone happens to run into a bloke with dark hair, a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead, and a pair of rounded glasses, let him know that Ron Weasley is looking for him. Oh! Or a girl with lots of hair. Messy, messy, messy hair. And she's got this look about her when you first see her that instantly annoys you and then makes you want to just grab hold of her and snog her senseless. And she's prolly got her nose buried in a book too. Anyway, if you see her tell her I'm also trying to find her. They can help. Especially with this bloke we're dealing with now.

So who did it? Who put the snakes all over? I want answers. Now.

Bart, Oliver, Dick, Bruce...anyone, Clark needs our help. And it looks like he's not the only one.

Get to the Hyperion, as soon as you can!

Um, to clarify things, since I keep getting asked...

No, I'm not related to the truck-spawning Fords and cannot score you a deal on a brand spankin' new F-250.

Nor am I related to Harrison Ford. Don't know any dishy "Indy IV" spoilers, sorry.

That is all.

So, er, I reckon I'm supposed to be a fictional character of sorts in this world. WHICH IS RIDICULOUS but everyone says that it's true so I reckon it must be. Or this is all a very bad joke. Anyway, Gabriel Gray said that if I wanted information on what happens to me and my mates at the end of it all, then I should try to look for someone from the year 2008 or 2009 - Merlin that's ages away! - who actually read the last book because it's not been released yet at this point in time.

...so has anyone read it? Can you help me out a bit here?