PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

Sucks to be you guys. I, for one, don't actually mind telling the truth.

Like, for instance: I think pretty much every adult on the planet is at least seventy-six percent evil, if not more.
Being blind is really freaking annoying sometimes.
Flying is the most amazing feeling in the world. And I mean flying under your own power, not jumping in a little bitty metal prison and hoping it doesn't fall apart on you on your way to wherever you're going.
I think there are some really dumb people on this network. If you don't like your situation, quit whining about it and do something about it. If you do, then kudos.
I still don't believe in little green men or X-men. Mostly because I've never met them, so they don't actually exist to me, yet. At least, not beyond a bunch of crazies claiming to be aliens and Star Wars folks and mutants.

Let's see.. what else..

Oh!

Bad Guys: stop. Seriously. Just stop. It's embarrassing.


And: Twinkletoes. I don't actually believe your hair is that shade of blond. Don't ask me how I knew it was blond at all, cause it's a trade secret.

So I was thinking. You know.. all the people with the crazy powers and god-complexes are getting kind of annoying. I mean-- okay, the Mantis guy pretty much keeps to that hotel, and the Jedi seem pretty quiet (most of the time..), right? But what about the freakazoid who busted up that club? And the people who keep swinging back and forth between goody-two-shoes and oh-em-gee-i-am-a-badass? (You don't count, Twinkletoes.) And.. the 'exorcists', whatever those are, and the ghosts and demons and.. et cetera.

I know next time my tree gets knocked around because of some stupid crap that could've been taken elsewhere, I'm going to be really freaking ticked.


My wings feel like crap. I feel like I've been flying all night and all day. Sucks.

Ahahhahahahaa. What's this? Did the itty bitty heroes lose some of their big and bad leaders?

Wow. I think I'm going to go out and throw a party in their names.

What were they again? Oh, right.

Peter and Katara.

Rest in pieces, bitches.

Alice, take me back to the real world. I'm sick of being stuck in the insane version of Wonderland.

So Max? I believe in vampires. Yes, yes, you may now gloat. You were right. I have, however, discovered that they're mostly pretty dumb, and witty repartee is not one of their strong points. It actually sort of ticks them off (shock!), and then you have to do some pretty smooth moves to avoid them.


So like.. there was this crazy explosion a couple of days ago, and lots of dead humans, and some kind of weird-- energy thing. It felt funny. I mean, it was like this electrical current in the air, it was crazy. I almost had a heart attack and fell right out of the freaking air. What the heck was it?

There are days where I know, just know, that the human race eliminating itself by a half or more would be the best thing ever because humanity as a whole pretty well sucks. But then I drown myself in scotch, wake up, and realize that's crazy talk. As much as I might hate the world, there are still occasionally some things that make it worth making an effort to save lives. Not many, but there are a few.

God help me, though, this is getting a little old, kids. We get it. You're badass. You want us all to know so we give your tantrums some attention. And I'm just enough of a masochist to give that to you for a moment, because you have finally roused me from extreme apathy and made me care. This is by no means a small feat but you did it! Take a bow.

Did you take it? Yes, take it, we're all waiting. Okay, taken now? Good!

Now shut the hell up. If I'm going to be stuck here in Wonderland on drugs, I'm going to have it involve less of these gosh darn freaky pleas for attention.

Dude, that so wasn't cool. Some weirdo yesterday totally tried to eat the old librarian lady and I had to whip out my butt-kicking skills. He pulled out some of my feathers! It hurt, jeez. And he totally wouldn't stay down, even though I heard his nose break, so I grabbed the old lady and ran.

And now I'm hiding in a tree with this laptop I stole. I also have a fan, now, apparently, though she seems to think I'm an angel. Yeah, sure, Lady. Because angels wear dirty denim and ripped t-shirts and oversized jackets they pulled out of a dumpster.


Sorry, Max. I'm in a park, if that helps?

Who is this vampire? Where can I find him? I must stop him before he hurts those Terran children!

Why does nobody seem to care? I don't know where the orphanages are located. If someone could help me... Please... Those children.

Slayer, whoever you are, are you going to let him kill people?

There are some bodies lying around in the sewers for you, Slayer. Let's hope that you and your little friends get to them before they spring to life.

Oh, all right. I'm feeling sort of giving tonight. I'll leave you a hint: they're close to an orphanage. I suppose suggesting that they set the building on fire to lure some fresh blood out into the open probably wasn't a very nice thing to do, now was it?

Okay. So I'm not Fang or anything, but being as I don't know where Fang is right now (or anyone else, for that matter), I guess you'll just have to put up with me.

This is Iggy, by the way. For those few of you who might actually remember that there's more to the Flock than His Broodiness and The Lady Snarkworthy. (I know, I know, the tension between them kills me, too.)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm in LA, though I could be a little off. The blind kid doesn't get around quite as easily as everyone else, you know. (Yes, I can type, jeez. The letter-printing on the keys feels different for each one.) Anyway, like I was saying: LA. It's sort of weird, though, because the air feels charged somehow. It's not-- I don't know. Kind of like the air right before a storm, you know? Well, no, I guess most of you wouldn't know, as you don't fly, but whatever. Trust me when I say that it's weird, and I'm definitely feeling off here.

And again, no idea where the rest of the Flock is. Fearless Leader disappeared a while ago. No, she didn't leave; just up and poof! Gone. Fang's not a happy camper. Angel's completely inconsolable, Nudge has been quiet, and even Gazzy's digestive system hasn't been the same. We haven't had to duck-and-cover in at least a week.


MAX. If you're out there, I'm going to kick your feathery butt if you don't come back to us soon. Or. You know. Come find me first, so I won't get myself more lost than I already am.