PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

Is it normal for there to be so many thieves running through this city? Are you aware of this?

I come offering a once in a lifetime opportunity. This unique, never again opportunity includes a very nice gem surrounded by gold trimming and a stone tablet with a genuine blood stain. These two items were once in possession of some Aztec ruler, who believed that the gem was given to him by some god named Mextli who liked sacrifices and other godly things. I’m not sure what’s so special about the tablet, but come on, it has blood on it and that’s cool.

Because this gem is supposed to hold magical powers I will not be taking this sale lightly. I want a good deal and I won’t accept anything below ten thousand for it, although money isn’t the only thing you can offer me. Be creative.

I’m not prejudice about who takes these things off my hands either. You want Mextli’s magical jewelry, raise your hand. For a limited time only you will also receive the famous tablet and three teeth from a Tyrannosaurus.

Once it's gone it's gone. Forever.

See, I was reading this set of books that I'm likely a fictional character from, and I sort of skipped ahead and read the ending to the last book, and I'm hoping it's a misprint, but it's saying that my entire family is going to die, and I was just wondering what sort of messed up book series kills off everyone except one who apparently isn't a 'friend of Narnia' anymore so she gets to be stuck here learning that her whole family is dead and she has to live and who does that!

I want a word with this "C.S. Lewis" bloke, but he's "dead", and- BLOODY BASTARD I'LL KILL HIM IF HE KILLED THEM THAT JERK I SWEAR IF HE DID HE WILL PAY THAT IS SO RUDE TO KILL PEOPLE LIKE THAT WHO GAVE HIM THE RIGHT TO PLAY GOD?!

It's a misprint, right? At the end of the Chronicles of Narnia, everyone except Susan doesn't die, right? Everyone just lives happily ever after alive? RIGHT?

It was once said to me, “You cannot play at Chess if you are kind-hearted. Excellence at Chess, you know, is one mark of a scheming mind." Perhaps it is for these two reasons that I've yet to find a competent opponent. I would think most loathe to admit that they posses those two qualities, though they are nothing to be ashamed of. But if one cannot admit, then one cannot embrace and live up to their full potential. Thus, I lack an opposing king and queen.

Perhaps it is time to up the stakes. I suspect that the winning of a game in this place could be the greatest theft of all if I decided to make it so.

The pieces I envision alone are worth... well, I suppose that would ultimately be up to the pieces.

In places like Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, Hollywood... it's hard to say what people value. Sometimes I wonder if the disappearance of Rodeo Drive would mean more than the disappearance of a cultural landmark like the Hollywood Sign. I wonder if would care more that the Benz dealership had vanished rather than the whole of the Pacific Ocean. Of course there are perfectly simple ways to test these queries, but than I ask myself a question: what could I possibly want with an entire Benz dealership?

So I'm left with these questions each day running through my mind. I could act on them, but there would be little point in wasting energy on an ugly street or a body of water I've already held in my hand.

I don't even like seafood.

Something will come to me eventually, it always does. I need a challenge on a grand scale. Something with an end play so brilliant that when I finally do check and mate I'm awash in the ultimate feeling of success. It will come. Before I'm forced to take the ocean and make a scene.

White:
Kf1 | Bc1 | Ra1
Pg2 | Pf2 | Pc2 | Pb2 | Pa2
Ph3 | Kf3
Pd4
Qe7

Black:
Pg5 | Qf5
Ph6 | Pd6 | Pc6 | Pa6
Kg7 | Pb7
Rh8 | Kg8 | Rf8

Imagine I was silly enough to have moved my White Queen to E7. What threat have I missed? True mastery comes only when you can visualize without the benefit of a board.

[ooc: dur, silly me. I forgot to include the answer... black knight to E7 captures to queen.]

I wonder if it's more ecologically sound for the area not having the thing there in the first place? Granted, the entire city is covered in smog, but if I find I've somehow committed a good deed, I'm putting the damned thing back.

I'm blaming ACME for this. Back in Los Angeles when I was in Johannesburg last night. It's something only they could do.

I've always hated Los Angeles. And it's a shame; the Hollywood sign isn't nearly as well bolted down as it should be. There really is nothing to do here.