PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

See, I was reading this set of books that I'm likely a fictional character from, and I sort of skipped ahead and read the ending to the last book, and I'm hoping it's a misprint, but it's saying that my entire family is going to die, and I was just wondering what sort of messed up book series kills off everyone except one who apparently isn't a 'friend of Narnia' anymore so she gets to be stuck here learning that her whole family is dead and she has to live and who does that!

I want a word with this "C.S. Lewis" bloke, but he's "dead", and- BLOODY BASTARD I'LL KILL HIM IF HE KILLED THEM THAT JERK I SWEAR IF HE DID HE WILL PAY THAT IS SO RUDE TO KILL PEOPLE LIKE THAT WHO GAVE HIM THE RIGHT TO PLAY GOD?!

It's a misprint, right? At the end of the Chronicles of Narnia, everyone except Susan doesn't die, right? Everyone just lives happily ever after alive? RIGHT?

Dean. Did you know that you had a twin running here with a blue mohawk?

...and did you know that I have a twin running around here that's a freaking Harry Potter character?

That's it. This place is ridiculous. I'm drinking.

how does this thing work

oKAY. Aha. Shift makes the letters capitalize. That's good. Thank you, lady standing behind me. That was very helpful.

I, ah, was told to use this strange device in the event that I might need a little assistance with my situation. Which I do.

So. Can you help me, strange box?

I think I am doing this properly. At least, I hope so. The boy who helped me was very kind, even though I think he thought me rather odd. Something about being Amish?

I'm looking to find anyone I might know. If anyone recognizes any of these names, please tell me?

[the rather extensive list includes her family (Peter, Susan, Edmund, Eustace), other humans of this world (Prof. Kirke, Polly, Jill) and any Narnian person/creature she can think of. Permission given for fourth wall breakage if that comes up.]

It is terribly difficult to obtain employment here, I haven't any skills suited to this time. I don't have very much money left either How are people expected to live here without their personal effects and money?

how do i make the letters capitalize or have those been thrown away oh wait

I have heard that this internet thing is very useful for finding information. I seem to be lost. I am not sure how I got here, otherwise I would retrace my steps. I am looking for a way to return to England, where my family resides. I have tried calling them, but I do not have the right change for the phones, and no one will let me use their phone because of the long-distance charges. When I went to the police, they told me to 'go away' and stop wasting their time. Americans can be so rude It is apparent I am not the only one with this problem, so I thought it might be a good idea to ask.

Any information on this would be quite helpful. Please, and thank you in advance.