PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

This is not the correct place, nor is it the correct time. But it will do, I suppose.

Lex, I am going to kill you. I’ll thank you first of course, and then I will murder you. Or better yet, I will have you murder yourself. How does that sound to you? After what you did to me for five years, I do want your opinion on this matter. I have many ideas for how we can go about putting this plan into action. I will post the top ten once I decide which ones are good enough to make that list.

I was thinking that I could go for your wife first. I heard that you had one here. And children too. Keep them close, Mr. Luthor. You would not want the rabid dog who broke out of his cage to get to them, now would you?

I think not.

I am feeling lucky. Very lucky…

I won't be available by business means for the next few days as I need to be home to take care of my children.

So I wanna know what the FUCK has Smallville so busy that he can't look after his supposed best friend. How the HELL did he let her marry SATAN? I really wanna fucking know.

Wow, We're not feeling very nice at all. Actually, we feel kind of like a bastard. Torturing a teenage girl in a locked room isn’t a friendly thing to do, is it?

Wait…

Don’t answer that.

We already know the correct way to responds to that one.

No. No it’s not.

Oh well.

If she ends up dead We're going to ask the boss if we can leave her head on somebody’s doorstep. Guess whose?

Someone wanna tell me when Metropolis decided to look darker than the freaking city of Gotham?

Or maybe want to tell me why I was walking into the Daily Planet and now I'm in a coffee shop in what looks like Dante's Inferno?

I want answers and I want them now.

This is like the beginning of a really bad horror flick, one that has the deadly potential to be completely cheesy in the way that would normally force me to turn the channel back to Food Network. You know, some people may ask me: “Lois, whatever are you doing watching a Thirty Minute Meals marathon?” Well, here’s the thing folks: There aren’t any bad ‘need to be thrown from a cliff’ actors prancing around a kitchen while Rachel shows us all how to make a garden salad with raspberry vinaigrette. I mean, yeah, I can’t cook worth crap, but still. I can sit there and watch other people make (rumored) delicious meals in under thirty minutes because that's just how it…

Wow, now I’m really starting to get off topic, so excuse me while I throw myself back onto the original rant.

So, I was having a nice walk outside the Daily Planet when some jackass just comes up from behind me and… well, that’s the thing… I don’t really know what he did. I mean, I saw him for like, a second or two, and the next thing I know I’m waking up in some trashy apartment in LA, with Mr. Tall Dark and Psycho nowhere to be seen. I mean honestly, what kind of scoundrel kidnaps a lady and then fails to show up when she opens her eyes? That’s so not very Prince Charming like, and whoever you are, there will be no second date. So forget about calling me. It’s off.

At least he was considerate enough to leave my laptop here.