PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

Oh my jesus crap.

I'm in heat.

Quite a strange turn of events me being here.

I just drank my weight in Sunny-D and now I have to pee like Seabiscuit.

Having been holed up in a hotel room for most of my stay here so far, I need something fun to do.

The problem I run into is this, I'm not too familiar with this town. So, suggestions?
Honestly. Who do I have to kill to have fun?

The technology here is pathetic, I feel like I've been transported to the third world. Logan? Alec? Original Cindy? Anyone? I had to sleep in a park last night, I don't know where I am, and I'm cranky when there's no food in my belly. Which there isn't.