PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

So I wanna know what the FUCK has Smallville so busy that he can't look after his supposed best friend. How the HELL did he let her marry SATAN? I really wanna fucking know.

I was told by a man who runs this Internet Cafe that if I asked questions on here, I might get answers.

How does one go from turning out their drive way in Alaska to being in LA? I can't reach Tanya or Irina, my sisters, on their cells either. The call keeps getting dropped. Not to mention, this hideous thing with a twisted face and fangs jumped at me from an ally. Anyone have answers? He looked like he belonged in a Hollywood movie about Vampires, sadly. And then I turned him to dust. What is going on her

Wow, We're not feeling very nice at all. Actually, we feel kind of like a bastard. Torturing a teenage girl in a locked room isn’t a friendly thing to do, is it?

Wait…

Don’t answer that.

We already know the correct way to responds to that one.

No. No it’s not.

Oh well.

If she ends up dead We're going to ask the boss if we can leave her head on somebody’s doorstep. Guess whose?

Someone wanna tell me when Metropolis decided to look darker than the freaking city of Gotham?

Or maybe want to tell me why I was walking into the Daily Planet and now I'm in a coffee shop in what looks like Dante's Inferno?

I want answers and I want them now.

I'm bored, so I present you all with a few pleasant moments of reading.

- During an hours swim at a public pool you will ingest 1/12 liters of urine.
- An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.
- In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept.
- If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
- You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
- Modern teenagers are better behaved than their counterparts of 20 years ago, showing "less problematic behavior" involving sex, drugs and drink. (We win! We’re better. Deal with it.)
- The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it. (Think about that next time you're shoving a Hershey bar down your throat.)

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the human mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?

( See what you just did! )

I've had it with this safe goody good bullshit. It's gotten me nowhere. Might as well embrace who I really am.

LuthorCorp is currently looking to hire new employees. If anyone is interested, feel free to drop by my office for an interview.

I've been very busy with work lately. Which means that I've neglected to introduce myself to the newcomers of L.A. I'm Lex Luthor. If any of you are having trouble settling down, let me know. I'd be more than happy to help you get situated.

( Chloe. )

Okay so I've been thinking, I need a place to stay, the hostel isn't really...appropriate under my circumstances, only I'm not exactly earning any money at the moment.

So I suppose really what I'm asking is if anywhere can suggest anywhere or maybe offer me a job? I worked as a waitress for a few months when I was in New York, if anyone owns a resturant or diner or something?

Thanks in advance I guess.

Question of the Day

Where the hell is Mr. Luthor? I did this nice thing for him and now I have a problem and it's urgent that I speak with him only I can't seem to find him and that's really getting me down.

Lex I have been in your study for two days now and I think that maybe you should notice that I'm here. I accidentally shredded your curtains but that's not really the problem that I'm having. I also ripped apart one of your paintings and that was an accident too, so don't think I'm ruining your things on purpose.

[Private to Hyperion Residents and Associates]

As you probably know, Chloe is at the mansion, courtesy of myself. Now, as stated above, I'm having a problem and if Lex fails to help me with this problem, you are all welcome to flood the doors and take the wife back with you. I'll politely stand back and not give you any problems whatsoever, just as long as you don't tell Luthor that I permitted it. I will make this very easy for you if I don't get what I want. Soon.

Ryan, so help me, Arthur had better be alive and well when I find you, because I will, and you can certain you're better off if I never see you again.

Chloe is unhappy. She is not interested in being your wife and she does not want to be held captive in your home. Release her, leave her be, and never bother her again and I will gladly allow you to do as you wish with me. You can continue your experiments. I will not resist.

Stay away from the Hyperion Hotel unless you are willing to die.

Mister Weasley, it would seem we have some unfinished business to attend to. Namely, my making good on my promise of what would occur should you tamper in my affairs.

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR HUMAN FLESH. AS SOON AS I GET WITHIN HEXING DISTANCE I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU PRECISELY WHY I WAS SO HONORED AS TO SIT AT THE RIGHT HAND OF THE DARK LORD HIMSELF!!!!

I wonder, have you even the nerve to respond to this, or has your backbone ceased to exist without your precious Potter at your side?

I honestly do not see what the big deal is over a little rain and wind. You people whine far too much. It's downright pathetic.

Okay, that storm was completely unexpected. I know this because there were no reports of incoming severe hurricanes. I was fortunate enough to have walked in the door sometime after it started.

I was safe. There's a "panic room" in my mansion, a secret room of reinforced titanium. Perfect for those times when Mother Nature decides that she doesn't like you. But.. I'm worried. First, Chloe gets kidnapped, and now someone else I care about is missing.

I didn't see Arthur anywhere. At all. I've searched high and low, every room, every hiding spot. Nowhere. Dammit, I knew I should have gotten those security cameras fixed. I hope he wasn't taken too. If anyone sees him, could you tell me if he's alright? That hurricane certainly is not the safest time to be outside, along with all the vampires and other monsters out there.

The breeze was nice.

I can not believe I am about to ask this. Does anybody have any jobs available at the moment that they need filled? I am fast running out of funds for living in this squalor lovely motel.

Clearly, sleeping through a large crisis is not exactly the greatest way I could have handled things. Whoever kidnapped Mister Luthor's lady friend, I am going to set an evil moob on you and you are going to regret ever taking her.

Guess what? I’ve gotten my hands on a few very interesting books, and a snapping young gentlemen who just loves to tell me all about a topic that I find quite insightful. But, if any of you are wondering, the young man’s name is Logan, and when Logan isn’t screaming his lungs to shreds, he loves answering my questions and gawking as if he’s seen a ghost. Or a supposed fictional character is his favorite book series.

Wow… if I’m not completely insane already, I think that could change easily.

And if Logan doesn’t shut his mouth, I think that I might just have to put an end to him and find another personal helper…

Are any of you ‘Harry Potter’ fans up for that? Any of you feel like paying my basement a visit?

It will be fun... A once in a lifetime opportunity.

What the Hell?!! I was just going to wash my hands in the bathroom, and this.. thing. Snake, I think. It just came up and bit my arm.

I.. uhh.. what was I saying again? Umm.. okay. I'm feeling a bit light, so.. maybe I shouldn't stand. Ohh Hell..

This …device is rather pathetic, but still… convenient to me when it comes to getting out this short message.

Whoever found it entertaining to pick up their wand and send me into this disgusting place, which to my line of sight, seems to be completely overrun with Muggles, you will suffer the extreme and likely deadly consequences of your actions. Sure, you might be getting in a good laugh now, but rest assured, when I find my way back, I will rip out your tongue, gouge out your eyes, and make sure that you never get in a decent chuckle ever again.

Bloody hell, I would never set foot in this place on my own accord, not in a million years. I can already taste the fear. It's thick in the air, and unceasing. I have only been stuck here for little over seven hours, and already all I can hear is the constant whining. He did this and she did that. Now, we must all cry about it until somebody takes notice and offers us a hug.

It all makes me want to vomit.

You know, it’s really sort of funny when I think about it… I’ve never hated somebody so much that I can do nothing but think of all the different fabulous ways that I could possibly consider killing that fucking job snatching, girlfriend stealing asshole by. I mean seriously… I could rip out his throat, rip out his lungs, tie him up and cut off his limbs in a slow, painful process, which would eventually end him, of course. Although, just leaving him immobile might be fun. I bet he wouldn’t be playing hero without a set of legs…

But anyway, I guess I should consider not ranting about all of my problems when this city obviously has a bunch of their own to worry about. It would seem to be raining nonstop and I can’t say that I particularly enjoy that, but I don’t know… I suppose that I can deal with it. It is better than being dead, after all.

I love being alive. But I do really need to find a job… I don’t suppose anyone around here needs an exceptionally talented photographer?

... Oh hey! I think I found five dollars under this chair. Too bad it’s not going to buy me a hotel room. Too bad, too bad. Not everyone can be shrouded in luck, or so I’ve been told.

Okay! I am just more than a little ticked off right now. Who had the nerve to break into my mansion and try to burn it down?! I want names. You should never cross a Luthor. And you're about to learn why.

Whoever is responsible... I want my wife back. Now! Also, you should know that my attorneys will be in contact. I hope you're ready for jail time and the loss of everything you own. See, the police tend to frown pretty heavy on arson, breaking and entering, vandalism, kidnapping and mass murder..

Let's chat.

I could have sworn that I was headed to Metropolis. This is L.A, right?

This is like the beginning of a really bad horror flick, one that has the deadly potential to be completely cheesy in the way that would normally force me to turn the channel back to Food Network. You know, some people may ask me: “Lois, whatever are you doing watching a Thirty Minute Meals marathon?” Well, here’s the thing folks: There aren’t any bad ‘need to be thrown from a cliff’ actors prancing around a kitchen while Rachel shows us all how to make a garden salad with raspberry vinaigrette. I mean, yeah, I can’t cook worth crap, but still. I can sit there and watch other people make (rumored) delicious meals in under thirty minutes because that's just how it…

Wow, now I’m really starting to get off topic, so excuse me while I throw myself back onto the original rant.

So, I was having a nice walk outside the Daily Planet when some jackass just comes up from behind me and… well, that’s the thing… I don’t really know what he did. I mean, I saw him for like, a second or two, and the next thing I know I’m waking up in some trashy apartment in LA, with Mr. Tall Dark and Psycho nowhere to be seen. I mean honestly, what kind of scoundrel kidnaps a lady and then fails to show up when she opens her eyes? That’s so not very Prince Charming like, and whoever you are, there will be no second date. So forget about calling me. It’s off.

At least he was considerate enough to leave my laptop here.

The bloke at this here inn says I've got to pay him to stay. He won't take my galleons, so I reckon he's all for the muggle money. Thing is, I haven't got any. And even if I did, I haven't got any idea on how to use it properly. I prolly ought to look into a job of sorts, but I was sort of hoping that I'd only be here for a bit. Y'know, a day or so. Not long enough to have to worry about being forced into labor and paying rent and alla that. That's way off the list of stuff I thought that I'd be having to do right about now. My main priority should be all about getting back to my friends. And working my arse off for a bit of money for my keep? It's not gonna get me anywhere. But it looks like I have to do it. So. Anyone hear anything about a job opening? And what about money? Can someone show me how to work it?

Amazing. I never knew darkness could last so long. I'd like to know who did this, and don't give me that BS reason of "Oh, the stars are a bit out of orbit, perfectly natural, it'll be fine" excuse. Not that I'm complaining, this way I don't have to look at unattractive people. I think I'll like it here.

My name is Damien Thorn. I have a company.. Thorn Industries. Maybe I can manage to set up a branch here. But I'll see how that goes. Fun first. Speaking of, what do you all do for that around here?

What.. what happened? Did I fall and hit my head on something and wake up in the middle of the night? My watch isn't working anymore, I can not tell what the time is. I don't know my way home and I've been attacked three times by the vampires.

..I think I really will have a heart attack.

How do you remove the people trapped in the tell-me-visions? There are people who dance around in most suggestive ways and they wear tight clothing that shimmers and I can't look at them. It is very improper and very wrong. Captain Jack Sparrow and I really wish to know. We are concerned for the people in the tell-me-visions and are afraid that they will be trapped in there for eternity. Except the ones that are having fun, like the shimmery clothes people who dance like chickens with their heads cut off.

Arthur, how would you like to come to my mansion sometime? You can meet my wife. Ohh, and.. there's plenty of candy, cookies, drinks, pencils, and anything else you might like.

Los Angeles, the famed city of angels. It's unfortunate that a city once so grand and full of life is falling apart at the seams. That's why my company and I are stepping up to help rebuild. We'll start with the downtown area then work our way out, first removing the rubble and the beyond-repair, then reconstructing and erecting new buildings. The blueprints my teams have assembled can be found for the public to view on Wayne Enterprise's website.

My name is Bruce Wayne and I look forward to entering into many business ventures with the people and companies of this city.

I LOVE OREOS.

Thank you.

I swear to god I'll take the whole goddamn city of Los Angeles to court, if someone doesn't tell me what the hell is going on.

Kidnapping is a federal offense.

I have the notebook finished for you, Mister Luthor if you wish for me to bring it around at some point.
I would have called you over the telly foam, but the last time I used it some old dame shrieked in my ear. To be brutally frank with you, it gave me quite the fright and I never want to go near one again.

Does anybody know what happens when you get hit by one of those moving tin squares on the roads? I almost got hit by one this morning. I want to know.

I have some wonderful news! I have remarried. I never thought I would find love again after Lana.. but there comes a time in a man's life when he has to pick up the broken pieces of his heart, put it together, and move on. It wasn't easy.

We're a perfect match. I have money and looks, she has the brains.. and she doesn't look too bad, either. I fully look forward to consumating our vows. I'm sure it will be a night she can remember. Or I should say, many nights. It's a dream come true.

So, who is the new "Lex girl"? Come on, we all know she's more than that! But alright, I admit I'm teasing, holding you all in suspense. I'm just so... pleased and happy, you know? And also... how they say.. satisfied.

And now comes the time when I reveal her identity. We wanted to tell everyone about our relationship before, but.. well, you know how rivals are. They somehow can't let go of the past. My mate, my bride, the soon-to-be mother of my children, the woman who has me for life.. is......

CHLOE LUTHOR.

Is anyone here good with metal?

Why don't any of your houses fly around here?
And why is your architecture so tacky?

Whose the lame bald guy on TV? I was watching hockey on TV and he kept interrupting it.

He's giving off freaky Wolfram & Hart vibes.

Oh great.

Television turns your mind to mush.