PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

I feel like I've been gone for a long time...

Brilliant, I sort out my life, myself, back home. And then, I end up somewhere totally different. Only this time properly different, not just in my head. Jesus, what am I talking about? I sound mental. Is it normal to wake up somewhere totally different to where you went to sleep? No, of course it bloody isn't.

Zoinks! This entire place is, like, one huge mystery just waiting to be solved! We need Fred and Velma. And Scooby Doo too! I'm, like, not so good with the mystery solving by myself.

Well this definitely isn't St. Louis anymore. Wonderful, guess that opening will have to go on without me if I can't get back in time.

Where exactly am I, and how did I end up here?

Everything is bollocksed up.

Well, that was a promising start and too easy. It feels wrong somehow. I have been helping them in small miracles, but I'm not sure if that is what I'm supposed to do. It was different when Lucifer was near to sneer at my mistakes. Now I don't know if I'm right or if I'm doing my best.

Mm, it's a nice day. Anyone like to take a walk with me or talk to me? I have some things in my mind. Like how do you bear responsibility when you don't know quite well what are you responsible for?

MAIL ORDER BRIDE:
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Because it is just such an opportunity.

Boris Ignatievich?

This is not what I meant by vacation.

What the bloody hell is this supposed to be!? One minute I'm at work, and the next I'm here?

Jack, if this is some sort of sick joke, I am not laughing.

Good evening my faithful minions,

I do hope you're all having a splendid one, because what I'm about to tell you may just put a teeny-tiny damper on it. So, gather 'round, kiddies, I've got something exciting for you all- and, no, Doctor, it is in fact not a brain. Ready? Then here goes:

It's small, but it plays a big part.
It's useless, but its dear to your hearts.
It helps you, but you never help it.
It cries, but it screams when its hit.

I'm going to give you three tries, Torchwood. Only three. 1, 2, 3. And if you don't guess what "it" is within those three little, yet gracious ticks- you will lose "it" forever. Do I make myself clear? For-ever.

Hint: Head check, anyone?

Oh! And do be quick about it, "it"'s getting a bit antsy.

Has anyone seen Buffy? I don't think she ever came back from her patrol the other night.

I'm leaving immediately, don't ask questions, don't volunteer to come.

I don't know if/when I'm coming back. Katara is in charge, if you need anything, speak to her.

Where is a good place to get some chow? I'm hungry and I'm eating for two here, man. I don't know how I got here, but I can't even contact home or anything...

This place is too weird for words. Oh and I guess people were right about the vampires because I heard about this one guy who was getting chased by them, but maybe he took too many behavioral meds at once.

Oh, to all those who don't know me, I'm Juno. No, it's not a fake name.

Harold Saxon has Ianto held captive.

Ianto sent me an address that he was going to, but it's hard to say whether they're still there.

We're going to have to construct some sort of plan of attack. That means NOT just charging in there blindly, Jack. And we're going to need as many people as possible since I'm not sure exactly what breed of insanity we're dealing with. Everyone meet at [address of Tosh & Owen's hotel].

Tosh, see if his mobile is on and if you can triangulate a position for him to see if the information he sent the first time through is still good. (The message is on my mobile, left hand jacket pocket.)

Suzie, you're our weapons expert. Wind up anything and everything you can find.

Gwen. I know you just got here, and this is probably the last thing you need to deal with right now, but I need to you do what you do best. Canvas the neighborhoods near the address that Ianto sent to see if anyone has seen either him or Saxon.

And Jack, wherever you are, you'd better get your arse down here because I don't want you pulling some sort of fancy boy heroics.

Anyone else that can see this, if you're willing to act as a partner to any of our agents, you can find us at the address above.

( Private to Lavender Brown )

( Private to Severus Snape )

What does a bloke have to do in order to have some fun around here? Who's up for a hunt? I hear there's a great bar downtown. We could kill everyone and then have drinks. Who's in?

You'll never guess what I just did.

you fucking asshole, I sear if you weren't already dead...

Did you take her? And no bullshit, Spike.

I'm really sorry.


[after she sees this]

I need that help. Now.

Please.

Does anyone else know wormhole physics? I've got a few holes in my current working theory to fill in, and I don't think half thought through and very vaguely explained science fiction is going to help much.

I... God... Xander...

Spike, I think... this can't fucking be happening, why didn't I think to call her, I ALWAYS fucking call her when she goes

It's all my fault, I should have checked on her. I can't...

Look, I'm going with Xander and Faith to look for Buffy. I wasn't going to tell you because I know you guys don't want me going out, but I can't just sit here and do nothing.

If it makes you feel better, you can come along.

Hello,

My name is Remus Lupin and I'm a werewolf Severus Snape suggested that I contact you. I require quite urgent assistance, and although it might seem a rather peculiar request... it's for the safety of the people I do hope that you can help. Tomorrow night... I need to be locked up somewhere safe. If you think it's at all possible you could help, then I shall give you the exact details.

Thankyou,
R.J Lupin.