PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

Well this is hardly fair. Twenty-first century Los Angeles is about as interesting as that petri dish turned out to be. Not even this petty squabble between good and evil holds very much interest, anymore.

I really don't see why I should be stuck in this primitive place just because my father made a few errors in judgment. They're his mistakes to learn from, not mine.

SOMEONE JUST TRIED TO EAT MY BLOODY NECK.

Jack.. Where are you? Has this happened to you? Are all the people here like this?!

What in the name of crushing black holes was that? It wasn't Exar Kun and it wasn't my grandfather, but it wasn't far off, either...

This can't be good.

It's strange, getting used to fingers again.. The world has changed so much. The human not Molly or Schmendrick that helped me says that it's the year two-thousand-and-five. As I understand it, that means that I was brought into a year seven-hundred years in the future. I'm so scared--- am I the only one left again?

I don't know what to do. The human--she said her name is Mary--said that it would help me get my thoughts together if I tried this contraption, but it really isn't. It's just making me feel more lost. I think she thinks I'm crazy; I told her that I'm not supposed to be a human woman.

I want my forest and my body back. I'd just gotten used to being in it again.

Dumpster diving in a kilt is highly unrecommended

[filtered from King Henry VIII;]

For heaven's sake, please don't tell him what he gets up to later in his life. He's already a bit fragile. And show a little respect---he is a king, and he's used to his title. Otherwise, I'll be mean and send you nightmares.

[/filtered]

Well, the Lovers' Butterflies have already come in handy once. And Alpha has decided to re-stock the shop alphabetically to practice his English.

While I'm doing this, I may as well also make the rooms above my shop available to anyone who needs a place to sleep for a few days. There's room enough for a few people.

Pirates, Time Lords, and Gundam Pilots, oh my!

The International Space Station. Right. That is the sorriest excuse for a space station if I've ever seen one.

god, i miss the colonies

When I heard that L.A. was in some dire straights, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind. What in the name of the Goddess herself happened to this place? It looks almost as bad as Sunnydale, except it isn't a giant crater in the ground. Which, I guess, is kinda good since people are still living here and it'd be really not so good if they were all dead because the place imploded.

Had an earthquake. That's what I meant. Because that is so what happened to Sunnydale. Big, giant, honking earthquake. Complete with the aftershocks and everything.

Oh! Introduction! Right. I'm Willow Rosenberg. And, I guess I'm new here. Well, not new new, on account of me having been to L.A. before a few times, but I'm new enough to make an introduction and, well, I guess that's it. It's nice to meet you all! In a completely computer sort of way, of course.

Still no sign of my darling brother.

And this city...its absolutely atrocious.

Little things with sharp, pointy teeth, oh where are your balls now? You come out to play with the Scarlet Witch...and you get hurt. Naturally, whatever they were, they have no thoughts of self preservation.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Or should I say one who can turn into all those with a push of a great green button - only into some variant of an equivalent off-worlder. But, if I were to make a reference using the technical terms for those, I'm afraid the general population here wouldn't understand the gist of what I'm saying. It's so sad that I have to dumb myself down to get my point across to these pathetic peons...even towards those who can't read properly, such as those who are blind or have difficulty seeing when it is not completely dark out. Tsk tsk. Flawed and flawed some more. A pity not all creations come out so perfect like myself. The Borg have nothing on me, campers.

Yes, throw a fit and run wild. Up in arms about the fanged and furred getting along or not at all, and how the former makes one's skin craw to the point it's hardly standable. Ooo, goosebumps! Oh, boo-hoo! Don't cry me a river over such nonsense - save your tears, for they could save soemone's life, y'know. Just don't let yourself be hunted like the fanged, furred, and not-right. Men with guns who see what others don't could possibly take you down in a heartbeat. The siblings and those around them pack quite a punch. Almost as much of a punch as those who rule other worlds or hail from them, but beware the glow of the green rocks! I hear they can be very harmful when used right. Clever, clever bad man. Oh so clever.

Pity to those who should've gone and yet are still here. A burned you are to time, but a comfort to a lonely girl in need of a family member who isn't as cold or distant as those already here. Almost like it came straight from a novel - it sure is cheesy enough. Lucky for you two to have such a tale, though luckier for those who were born lucky. Like the one with pink horns and silver wings and the one spawned from two of the non-living. Some have lived many times before - at least part of them, but it's unfortunate the talent of before is not immediate for those of the now. Said the actress to the bishop. Too bad this ain't a TV show...wait, no. It would have poor ratings, even if things went ablaze, little miss the. Miss, miss, miss...missing, passing, jumping, LAND! Too bad you three are grounded, or so it seems. Going to scurry off? No one would notice. I would, but I wouldn't care. The Q care nothing for your kind, lords, nor your little pets.

Oh look at the moon! So full, so bright, so full of life despite the fact that she didn't join it. Unfortunate? Perhaps. Fortune favors those who didn't crash, along with those who did. What a parody. Even more of a parody for he who's heart is not locked in a box. Thump thump, thump thump-a. Don't forget the hat or the dirt - those are always important. Almost as important as the one who haunts your mind - no, not him and not you. The other. Wrong gender and different time, little one. As the one with no abilities what it's like to be the normal one among talent; calm down with your salts and herbs.

...you are all so dull. How I long for Jean-Luc's ship. He was far more entertaining.

Something...doesn't feel right.

Why do people use so many naughty words?

Oh, if this isn't the most boring episode of "Life and Times of LA" I've ever seen. The plots are so cliché; I'm shocked no one's keeled over from the over use of such things. Tsk tsk. Earthlings. So dull and without luster. Dearest Zephram, it's about time you launched that little rocket of your's here soon, isn't it? At least the pointy eared fellows from above provide some amusement. Even if they do lack the proper emotion to express as much. Doesn't stop me from pointing and laughing myself, though.

Nice one with the lawyer a la flames, by the way. You almost had my attention with that one. Almost. Too bad that sort of example won't make all of them listen to you. Rebels, some of them are. Waving Confederate flags 'n all, yee-haw!

There never is a dull day here, is there? I mean, honestly!

Then again, thats like asking for a dull day at the mansion, ya know? Totally never happening. Ever.

I mean, lawyers falling out of the sky on fire, what the hells up with that?

Seriously.

Does that sound like..St. John like anyone?

Oh, the chaos. Ahhh, so good to have it back. Makes things much more interesting, if I do say so myself.

I would remark upon this era not being so bad after all, but not only is that too cliché - when I think about what's to come for this hell hole of a city? It makes me fantasize about a dream vacation in fluidic space.

Suffice it to say: good luck! Ha! I'll be sitting on the sidelines over yonder watching in vague amusement as I scarf down that delicious treat you all call popcorn.

I would like for someone to explain to me, please, how it is that I got led from Forks all the way to Los Angeles. And, furthermore, how, somewhere along the line, I managed to miss the fact that the trail I was following was headed east...not south. And, in addition to this, how I managed to miss that Bella has been missing for a few weeks.

So now my job is to find Bella and... Has anyone seen a girl about five feet or so...walking disaster, gets in a lot of trouble? She's a monster magnet? Goes by Bella?