PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

I need a vacation.

Do Champions get vacations in this line of work? Just a couple of days where, maybe, I'm not fighting for my life, or seeing everyone else around me getting hurt, manipulated, or damaged?

Two days? Hell, even one? It'd be nice.

I for one am tired of all of the witches that we have plaguing our city. I propose a solution. For every witch that is turned over to me and found to be valid, a large sum of money or a goblin to serve your needs will be exchanged. The leader of this coven, a dark haired woman who goes by the alias Mary Poppins and Sir Roland Moorecock will be worth even more money and perhaps a share of my kingdom. Even a name and location will be worth something. Any takers?

Sarah: Try and deny it all you want, but in my extensive research, I have found proof that we are supposed to be together. Oracles have written down histories for us, foreseen entire lifetimes together. Granted, no view of the future can be perfect, these were plagued with inaccuracies such as calling my hair a 'mullet' or insisting that I wore make-up when we both know that to be a lie...some didn't even see us together at all, but many (the true ones anyhow) have used their talents to see that you should indeed return with me to my goblin kingdom.

Think of all I have done Sarah.

All I could do.

To help you.

All that I have done I have done for you.

As for the rest of you, take warning. If you are going to write things about me, please try to keep them accurate. You might not possess the talents to see the future as some do, but it is in your best interest to not write false, slanderous things. I am not a stalker, or a little green man, or a wearer of women's cosmetics, or anything else. I am a powerful, wise king who should be respected, even feared. You would be wise to remember this.

I need the name, location, and familial information of a red headed man who's been vexing me lately. He babbles meaninglessly and calls people by odd names like Gigi. He also has a small child named Jackie who has come in contact with the witch's brew. Said child will likely reek of rotten fruit. I will reward any useful information generously.

I need to find out the name, location, and familial information of a dark haired witch who has been vexing me recently. I will reward any useful information generously. She is recognizable by a sickeningly sweet, repulsive odorous bag of substance that she carries, and she might spread the concoction over her lair.

!!!!

( [images + sound under cut] )

*insert maniacal laughter*

Oh..this just gets better and better!! It's been blissfully peaceful and I'm loving it!!! Stupid mortals!

I really love this place lately. For you newcomers, it gets better. It really does.

This just isn't happening. There is not a movie about part of my life!

Two days later and this still doesn't make any sense. I'm guessing asking for answers here won't change that anytime soon, huh?

The 'stray kitten crawling into my bag while I'm not looking' part is sort of refreshingly normal, though.