PARABOLICAL GRAFFITI

Is this really what people are reduced to doing with their lives nowadays? Posting every little problem that has ever plagued them on a public message board for the world to see?

So some god decided to shit you out sixty two years ago, only to leave you with a list full of burdens and his two week old sextuplets? Well guess what? NOBODY cares. Someone calls you a whore or an idiot or a purple groundhog and you move on with your life. Get over it. It’s really not that hard to do.

In case you people didn’t notice, you have a city full of psychos, clowns, evil lunatics and God only knows what else. One of these days one of them is going to decide that he wants to turn the world into a giant bowl of ice cream and the person who can stop it won’t be there. He or she will be here. Whining like a three year old and hoping to get hours of attention and buckets full of sympathy.

You’re not the feature story on Oprah. Stop acting like it.

[as Kumiko]

Well done children, you've found a little party trick. Streamers and cake for all!

But honestly, kiddiekins, did you really think that would be enough to stop us? Oooh, the powers of Dracula stopped by some itty bitty vials of yummy blood.

Such a mortal way of thinking. It's adorable.

In 1609 Elizabeth Bathory drugged and strapped fifteen year old Ildiko Gellert in the Iron Maiden. The device was slowly closed and the spikes pierced through her flesh. She died in agony and the Countess, overcome with a spark of ultimate success, bathed herself in the blood of the young Slayer.

And the ironic thing? Elizabeth wasn’t even a vampire. She just wished with all her heart that she was. I guess her army of undead idiots never got around to giving their boss what she wanted most of all.

Very impressive, that newly remastered building.

How quaint. This city as a complete mess. Skipping over the fact that this is LA, in the wrong year, in a different world, I'm looking for answers. Like why I'm here, and who's responsible for turning complete idiots into what I believe were supposed to be vampires?