bright light city

Okay, so I wasn't amused by the mustache. I had an appointment for that permanent hair removal next week. Also, it itches and I keep getting cheese puffs stuck in my stubble...but other than that. Being a guy is kind of awesome.

No one stares at me if I eat two philly cheesesteaks back to back. It's totally acceptable to burp in public or complain about heartburn. Women have been sending me drinks from across the buffet pretty much non-stop. I should probably come later. The four o'clock crowd is mostly the cast of the golden girls and it kills my buzz when they want to show me pictures of their grandchildren. Only one of them actually had a good looking grandson and while he's into me now, he won't be into me in two weeks when he comes to visit. Still, maybe we can go to the Bette Midler show together. Gotta love the Divine Miss M.

Jack tell me you haven't turned into your mother.

Okay, I'm not sure, but I think I might have spent the last seventy two hours playing video poker in the Flamingo. The shape of the seat on this stool seems to support this. I can't remember the last time I saw sunlight, or had a shower for that matter...I'm proud, but even I think it's time to get help.

Anyone know the number for Gambler's Anonymous? And where is Jack? Paging Jack Donaghue.

I might be addicted to video poker. And buffets. Next thing you know I'll start chain smoking and be compelled to play Keno.

I miss New York. The cold of the snow, the uncomfortable heat of the subway, the odd chance you'll see a rat king stepping off onto the platform. Here all you see is Carrot Top's face plastered on billboards. It's just as bad.

Though I did have an idea for a new billboard. Ab Libs : The first Vegas Shirtless Male Impromptu Revue

What can I say? I like a man with a six pack that can make me laugh.

Okay, I have to give you points for presentation. Not to mention going the corporate America route was pretty insightful, especially from someone like you who is all about big business. And while I think any reality show is better than MILF Island, I don't know how well this is going to set with the public, Jack. I mean people communicate over the computer and on blackberries? (I'm keeping this blackberry, by the way.) Boring.

Ooh, ooh! You should make them use a giant telephone or one shaped like a football. That way when the token cheating housemember, breaks up with their significant other back home it will be on a football phone.

Is this a real tattoo? That seems kind of over the top. Not to mention painful. Couldn't you have just shown me the promos or something? Don't even think about putting me on this show. I can't write TGS from here. Do you really want another bear-robot sketch? Because if I'm not there to crush them, that's what Frank will write. Put him on your Big Brother Fear Factor World thing.