bright light city

So, it's Valentine's Day. You wanna do something?

I am so very confused. I'm going to sit in my apartment and wait until all of this blows over. If it does blow over. If not, I'll just be sitting here indefinitely.

Rosalie is coming to get me. I think my truck's downstairs in the garage.

Uh oh.

I just went to see if Elle wanted ice cream, and she was gone and everything with it.

Johnny, you still around? Did she just go to stay with you?

YES! I'm me again!

Now, seriously. Where can a fella get a Botox injection? I never want to see wrinklies on my face ever ever again. I think my psyche is damaged.

( Sarah. )

( filtered to embry )

( filtered to leah )

This is definitely not Alaska.

( the Batcave )
We may need to hire someone to come in and reassemble the garage. I didn't leave much of it.

( Werewolves )
Okay, I could hear you in my head when I changed again. Who the hell are you, and will someone please tell me what's going on?

Well, now I'm living in a giant house by myself. That's kind of depressing.

Um, um, um, um.

Everyone.

Is anything ... weird going on with everyone else?

I'm really really hungry and I saw this person and I thought about doing awful things to them and then ... um.

I ... I sparkled. In the sunlight. I screamed and ran up here, but I'm freaked out.

Billy?

Totally worth it.

Alright, people. Listen up.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009. A day that will live on forever. For I, Jaeger Henson, being of sound mind and body, am going to partake of the NASCAR Cafe's Big Badass Burrito Challenge.

Oh, yes. 2 feet long, six pounds, 90 minutes. 140 have tried and failed. Only 2 have succeeded.

If I win, not only is the meal free, but I get unlimited rides on the roller coaster outside of the Sahara Casino. Not to mention bragging rights. If I lose, I'll be forced to wear a pink t-shirt declaring me a "Certified Weenie." Either way, it should be an interesting afternoon. If anyone is down to come along for the ride, let me know.

( viva la burrito! )

(Jake)
Have you phased since you got here?

( To All Werewolves )

Hello. My name is Doctor Helen Magnus and, for the purpose of this message at least, I'm offering a helping hand. I know what lies ahead for you, and if you wish or require I can help you through the change and the days following. I hope that you'll at least consider it.

Later edited with new filter: ( Kate & Ashley )

One of the werewolves has agreed to help us. She's informed me that the moon doesn't affect her change and is willing to help capture anyone that proves to be a difficulty. With her, we'll be in twos for the night.

Five more days, little one.

Can you feel it?

I look forward to running free with you.


Merry Christmas.

I can't believe I've put it off so long. So much shopping, so little time.

Don't worry, Bella, I won't make you go with me. This time. But expect a present. I already know what I'm getting you. In fact, I already know what I'm getting everyone.

And trust me, you're all gonna love it. ;)

Jazz, that goes for you too. On the loving your present and the reprieve of going shopping with me.

It seems we're not getting out of here anytime soon. So, it is time I introduced all of you to a little thing I like to call Chrismukkah. Perhaps this year, the Chrismukkah miracle will be the biggest and best Chrismukkah miracle of all time.

What do you say? Who's with me? A little celebration despite our recent incarceration? Because let's face it, folks, that's what it is. Jail without the bars. We have these handy, dandy and now conveniently invisible tattoos to keep us in this city. Personally, I think they fade so that we'll forget they're there and then suffer horrible pain when we try to leave.

We're stuck here, people. We might as well make the best of it. A little Chrismukkah joy is what we all need.

Kidnapped to Vegas. Now that's new. A head's up might've been nice.

Rose, Edward, Carlisle? Anybody else here or was it just me?

Oh, this is hilarious. Bringing a vampire me to a city where the sun shines constantly. Someone is quite the comedian.

Emmett? Carlisle? Alice? Is anyone else here?

Motherfucker.

Okay, so first? I was really confused. I thought one of my cokehead-slash-models had slipped me something to make me forget that I had paid them a half a mil each to basically run around acting like they're on the set of a Girls Gone Wild video in my latest, and not to mention supposedly unavailable, couture. Then, I realized there were no rolled up bills turned coke straws laying around and everything was in one piece. That's when I got pissed.

No, I take that back. After reading that stupid welcome message, then I got pissed. I have a clothing line that is falling apart because even after my own stupidity of hiring Rachel as my model, I still haven't learned how not to hire my friends to work for me, and we have this new designer for my men's line that my mother sprung on me without even asking my opinion. Throw in my boyfriend ditching me because my actress-turned-model-turned-failure-turned-scriptwriter-turned-homewrecker tried to kill herself and he needs to save her from her own self-pity, the fact that my best friend just up and ditched me to go travel the world with all her happily ever after, and...the fact that I can't have a baby just, everything, I'll admit it. I could use a break. And Vegas? Not so bad as far as breaks go.

But let's get one thing straight, I already have a black AmEx. I have since just after high school. And I like my old BlackBerry and wrist and/or barcode tattoos? So 2001. I pride myself on being ahead of the trends, not behind them.

So I'll take this little vacation, I'll get my sin on, but make no mistake, I am leaving. And then? I'm getting this stupid thing lasered off.

Now, where's the bar?