bright light city

Praise the Enkindlers. Someone out there has to love me enough to bless me with man-parts, and it's definitely not Zenner.

I'm almost sad I haven't turned into a girl! I was looking forward to some quality time with myself.

Then again I'm also so hopped up on painkillers that I can barely see straight so maybe my judgment is a little cloudy, but I'm so jealous of Garrus and his super-fine lady body. Garrus, stay a girl all the time, k.

No. No, no, no. What happened, I didn't really live ten years ago? I'm in the Attic and they thought this would be a funny time to bring me back? It was all a dream? I just died? Whatever it is, it's not funny.

And if this is real, I need to go back where I came from. I was in the middle of something.

Okay, I get it, I feel empathy for the opposite sex, etc etc etc. If I can't be a turian, can I at least have everything else back? I'm not okay with this. It's not funny anymore.

Quick, someone come over here and validate me.

So, Miranda, you were genetically modified to be gorgeous, right?

WHOA WHOA WHOA. NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE BLEEDING. WHY DO HUMANS BLEED?

Now my favorite pants are stained blue. I am not all right with this.

This is how I feel today.

Uh. No.

Shepard-Commander, my physical form has been altered. I have gone from genderless to male to female in a very short time and I am duly traumatised. I am currently mourning the loss of certain....physical attributes.

Have you encountered anything similar with the Normandy crew, Shepard-Commander?

'Kay, maybe I should check the phone book or something, but I've got a feeling that most people here aren't in the phone book. So if I'm looking for someone, this is how I have to go about it.

I'm looking for a doctor who's qualified to deal with brittle bone disease. I'm off my regular meds (from the future!), and I figure I need to find someone and find a new regimen before my bones get weaker than they already are and snap like toothpicks. So just some maintenance. I've had some surgery, had some metal rods implanted to brace my shins, which tend to be the worst, and I can walk without crutches. So, look, not a hopeless case, but everyone's been telling me to go find a doctor, so -- is there a doctor in the house?

Fucking. Cerberus.

I'm guessing these Zenner assholes are somehow related to them or am I just that fucking lucky?

You have no idea what you are getting into, or the lengths that Cerberus will go to retrieve me. It is in your best interest to return me to my ship immediately.

Helo and I found a good plot of land on the outskirts of town and we hired an architect to start designing the compound. It's amazing what you can pay for with this card thing.

We're figuring apartment-style housing, with enough room for people to do whatever the hell they want with their own space. There will also be a few private houses for those so inclined (married, with kids, etc. get first dibs). Full hangar for that Viper Chief and Tali are working on.

Role call on who's coming?

And I'm working on that boxing thing. Finding a venue is kind of a bitch. I'm about ready to have it in my living room, frak the bloodstains.

I have been watching television to learn more about Earth culture, but so far I find myself limited to 'Attack of the Show'. I find it difficult to turn over, and utterly impossible when Olivia Munn is on. Why is this?

And how do I contact Olivia Munn? I wish to speak to her about my ideas for the show and how her outfits might change. She is wearing far too much clothing, and she must be overheated. That is the reason.

What Commander?

Me: Military commander, sexiest badass in the universe, saver of galaxies. Great sense of humor, armor and weapons enthusiast, go-to person when you (or someone else) needs a good kick in the pants. Funny when drunk. Not yet dead.

Likes: Nuclear detonations in the moonlight, long walks through other people's past lives, demonstration vids and cross-species intercourse, Batarian ale, fist fights, dancing, strippers and hoppin', borderline illegal nightclubs, having a lover in every port and a gun in each hand.


( You know you want to. Try to contain yourself. )


You: Open to breaking regs, willingness to acquire an interiority complex over how awesome I am, comfortable footwear for walking into hell, preferably extra-terristrial but will accept humans if desperate. Strong enough to drag me away from the bar when I get smashed and/or poisoned.






Before you ask, I regret nothing.

Commander?

I do not understand.

( Garrus Vakarian )

I think "frak" is my favorite word now.

Just so we're clear. If anyone tries to hurt Shepard or Garrus thinking they're some kind of synthetic I will personally shove an anti-personnel mine so far up your backside your head explodes.