bright light city

Since there is no looming Twinkie shortage in the future, I can share this without feeling guilty about it.

I give you 50 Ways to Kill a Twinkie.

They left out a few, like filling it full of buckshot. I'm just going to call that #51.

I should start a new list.

Hey, Tallahassee, you back to your normal self?

So, Columbus.

Still got all your parts? No new ones?

Because I've been waiting for you to pony up and ask me out, but I'm kind of getting bored with that.

Want to do something? Tomorrow night?

I'm a fucking girl! Why the fuck am I girl? I don't want tits. Not that there's anything wrong with tits. I like tits. But I don't want to have them. Or any of the other shit that comes with being female either, for that matter.

I want my manly parts back, now, dammit!

I have to say, I'm not sure who the hell these Zenner fucks are but so far I like their style. Ten minutes in and not a zombie in sight.

Now if whoever is out there could point me in the direction of a Twinkie, a peppy little spitfuck going by Columbus, and two girls by the names of Wichita and Little Rock, I do believe this might be the best fucked up start of a real enjoyable vacation that there is.

( Wichita )

( Little Rock )

So, I'm in Vegas, I have a really ugly new tattoo, I have no idea where Little Rock is, and there are no zombies.

Only one of these things...okay, maybe two...doesn't suck. But I've never been a huge fan of Vegas.

Someone want to tell me what the hell's going on?

And while you're at it, someone want to tell me where my sister is? Because I've got a shotgun and plenty of bullets.

Oh you have got to be kidding me. This is totally karma for conning that rare AC/DC poster from that lame ass drummer the other week isn't it? I had THINGS TO DO Zenner. Very important things. Very important things that did not involve waking up in 2010. Alright, someone point me in the direction of the nearest DeLorean and get me the hell back to the future.

Rule #34. Don't let yourself be drugged.


Tallahassee? Wichita? Little Rock? Tell me you're here somewhere.

Oh, darn. I may have to make up a new set of rules. Where is everyone? And how is fair that OHIO gets wiped off the map but Las Vegas is still here?

Rule #1. Don't go to sleepDon't close your eyesDon't Find a good tattoo removal clinic.

Where are the zombies? What's going on?