bright light city

( filtered to echo )

Dr. Saunders was talking to me, and I could hear Topher saying he couldn't find the Dewey Pen I wanted. Then everything was black, and I couldn't hear anyone. It was cold, but not like absolute zero freezing, just uncomfortable. I couldn't get comfortable without my body, and I'm not sure how I could feel cold without a body. Is this what it's like for them in the chair

I woke up. It took a while to wake up, like I'd fallen asleep for the last time, but if that was so then how come I'm still me. I checked, and I'm still me.

It doesn't take a genius to know that this is Las Vegas, city of Lights or Sin depending on who you talk to. Either one is fine with me. Who am I to judge considering

This wasn't in the plan. I have goals and directives, and I was almost finished restoring the wedge. After that, there was supposed to be more. More with Topher.

What is this place? Is it heaven? Hell? Purgatory? Or something else that I can't factor?

Was it all a dream? Maybe it was all in my head Maybe they erased my memory But I'm not real

Hello? I don't know where I am. The last thing I knew I was

Paul--? Are you out there?

( filtered ONLY TO WOMEN )

Haha, okay, this isn't so funny. I mean, really, really not funny. My space! I had some! And uh, what's with the whole mandatory vacation thing? Because personally, I thought the whole creepy Rossum-style kidnappings were behind us.

Where is this? Why don't I Did I

Stop it

I'd really like to know how I woke up in Las Vegas missing a week.

I'm extremely confused. Kilo? Echo? Priya/Anthony/T/anybody? I can't find my wheelchair. It took me like five minutes to get across this living room which isn't mine.

Well.

This is not what I expected.

Praise the Enkindlers. Someone out there has to love me enough to bless me with man-parts, and it's definitely not Zenner.

Paul's withholding the mac and cheese until I post something on this.

So, just to make sure I haven't missed anything, it's 2010, the tattoo that's not there anymore keeps us from leaving, and the Zenner people fuck with us for fun? Huh...trapped somewhere with science types who like to experiment on people. Makes me all nostalgic.

That about it?

That woman (man-thing?) walking around looking like you is creepy.

I am so very glad that I was not turned into a girl. So. Very. Glad. Not that I wouldn't be a fantastic woman, mind you. But I couldn't have sex with my girlfriend if I was. At least, not sex in the way we're used to. *cough* I'm just glad I stayed the way I am.

If anyone needs me--which I doubt--I'll be in my lab plotting Horrible things and practicing my laugh.

[Edit: Strike-thrus were deleted.]

No. No, no, no. What happened, I didn't really live ten years ago? I'm in the Attic and they thought this would be a funny time to bring me back? It was all a dream? I just died? Whatever it is, it's not funny.

And if this is real, I need to go back where I came from. I was in the middle of something.

( Claire, Priya, Tony + Topher )

Are you guys okay?

One word: lasertag.

Who's in?

ETA: Also teams. There's my team and... well we need others. Okay, we have Priya's team too. Make more people.

Team Ashley: Ashley, Kate, Henry, Shawn, Chiana, Samantha Carter, Vala, Jack O'Neill, Carolyn.

Team Priya: Priya, Echo, Tony, Carl, Topher.

Team Castle: Castle, Alexis, John Crichton.

Team Noa: Noa, Jaeger, Sarah, Michelle, Dawn.

What the hell? Don't you know what's happening? You're all just sat around, planning on who to go out with and how to spend the night. None of that matters anymore, but don't look at me when you didn't listen.

Attention.

The following names are added to my list of humans for a temporary time until Claire Saunders is married in a human ceremony to Jocelyn Eldridge. They will not be harmed, and all threats apply. After this 'wedding' they will all be allowed to die without prejudice, unless it upsets the humans on my permanent list.

Selena Ramirez. Echo. Priya Tsetsang. Anthony Ceccoli. Adelle DeWitt. Laurence Dominic. Judith Miller. Jenny Humphrey. Topher Brink. Bennett Halverson.

To Zenner and any fools who intend harm against the weak.

The following are under my protection:

Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, my Qwa'ha Xahn.
His human.
Spike, my pet
Angel
Cordelia Chase
Claire Saunders
Jocelyn Eldridge, her human.

If they are injured in any way, you will face the wrath of a God and shall be slain without hesitation. If they are caused emotional harm, I will take one of your limbs as a blood price. If they are annoyed, I may just break one of your most useful bones.

This is my decree. Betray it to your own doom, and I shall "bust a cap in yo ass." I use this term so you understand the gravity in your own pathetic terms.

I'm thinking I might want to delay leaving the hospital. So far none of the nurses have turned into vampires, ghosts or mermaids, and I don't think I can fight off werewolves with a cane at the moment. Then again, this hospital food might just kill me.

Topher.

Have you been experimenting on me in my sleep? Because this is not cool.