bright light city

My name's Mick St. John. I got here a couple days ago although don't ask me why. Or how. Then again, from what I've read, that seems to be the case with everyone here.

I have fairly particular dietary needs. I'm without my usual contacts - actually I'm without any of my contacts - and I haven't been able to make any more that I can trust.

I've noticed that there are several people around here who are a little like me. I guess that's what comes of being a Private Investigator, huh? So I was wondering if anyone could put me in touch with somebody who could supply a little A pos. I don't take from humans unless they're willing freshies. Back in LA I get my supplies from a contact in a morgue. He's one of us so it's easier. But here...

Jesus, this is crazy. We're supposed to be secret.

[Private]

No Beth. No Josef. No Guillermo. No Logan - damn I never thought I'd miss him and his Guitar Hero.

No Cleaner because - not needed. Man, that's not easy to work out. The Vamps here all behave? Not that I mind. Less for me to worry about. But we all seem just a little different from what I can figure.

I hate having to come out in the open like this. But I'm thirsty.

Why so many floors unavailable? Accommodation seems to start on the 13th floor - what's beneath? I'm guessing it's to do with Zenner since it's pretty much a no-brainer. But I can't get in and I can't see or hear anything from outside any of the windows.

I hate feeling like a pack of produce in a grocery store. This is not helped by my new tattoo.

The World Cup? Today? US playing England? I just might have to check in on that.

I don't think I shall ever quite become accustomed to this time. Perhaps it's simply being in this part of America. It is rather different than what I'm used to. But some things are utterly fascinating.

One out one to go. Vampires. Real vampires. Who the hell deals with vampires and why aren't they being dealt with?
A later edit added: Before anyone else gets their panties in a bunch, I'm not talking about every single vampire in the history of ever. Only the ones out there kidnapping and torturing people.

[Justice League]
Plan B. Lets get to it.

[Kon]
We still have work to do.

Is it a good or bad thing that I'm missing Eurovision?

Last night was brilliant, right? Everyone tip top today?

I saw the bachelor and his bride off with their double-wedding blokes, so congratulations to all of them.

I'm editing together all the footage and will have it up by the end of the day on YouTube. Highlights include Jack and Sawyer's drunken rendition of "I've Got You Babe," complete with wigs, lap dances for everyone, Jaeger's excellent version of "Dont'cha" by the Pussycat Dolls, Kirk and Seamus attempting to convince all the ladies they were identical twins and getting slapped at least a dozen times, the lovely Miss Chiana offering lap dances of her own, and a good deal of bloody fun had by all. Feel free to reminisce here if you want ... if you can remember anything.

I might need to sleep for a month.

( filtered to the vampires )

George, where the fuck are you?

Annie, can I have my mugs back?

And aren't there a fuckload of vampires here now? Jesus.

ABOUT FUCKING TIME, ZENNER! Shower of gobshites.

OH THANK GOD, I'M BACK!

Now I can get back to being me properly.

I wonder if I should try and contact that Jayne bloke... maybe not. He didn't seem overly keen about us meeting up.

MITCHELL! GEORGE! (just in case you ARE still here)

CELEBRATORY TEA AT MY PLACE. I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Fuck this shit.

Is there anyone out there that has some of that fake blood stuff that's meant to behave like it's not dead? Because I'm really, really getting all kinds of fucked off with still being like this, and I don't fancy being staked again but it's getting more and more difficult to keep calm, so, uh. Yeah. Help?

OH MY GOD, MY HAIR! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO MY HAIR???

What. The. Everloving. FUCK?

Right, so, I was going to come on the network and be all "WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS GOING ON?" but then I read all the other "WHAT THE FUCK" things, so it's not just me, so it's them Zenner fucks dicking about.

Still, can't hurt.

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS GOING ON?

Jesus, I have tits.

George, are you okay or did it get you as well?

[George][Mitchell]

Erm. I think there's been a problem with the blind date thing. I seem to have been matched with somebody called Jayne.

How do I go about this without sounding homophobic? Because I'm really not. I mean you know I'm not. Not a bit. But if I say anything...

Help!

It... ummm seems we have been paired together. Would you like to talk beforehand?

So...the Pretenders vampires are all out and about here, eh? And you humans don't mind?

[Helen Magnus]

So, I'm told you're who I need to see if a girl needs a bite to eat around here?

Still can't fucking believe that the Zenner assholes did that to me. But I checked back on this damn thing and... fuck.

Still can't find them though. Bastards AND cowards.

YOU HEAR ME, ZENNER? BASTARDS AND COWARDS!

I'll do what Godric suggested. I mean, we were all kids at one time or another. And if Dwayne, Marko and Star ever get here at least they won't know. Because NOBODY will tell them.

Nobody.

Anyhow. I'm off out to kill things. Michael? Paul? You know where to find me if you need me. Sorta.

Well, Toto, looks like we aren't in...uh...Cleveland any more.

Yeah...that died before it even started.

So...Vegas, huh? And I didn't even drink last night. Someone want to tell me what's going on?

Is it demons? Nefarious demons who kidnap people and buy their complacency with black credit cards? Because that's downright devious, it it.

Ugh. Sarah vs. Green Beer; Round Four. Green Beer takes another victory.